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Doctor Slug asks:

Addressing the syndicate of villainous evil commonly (and sometimes affectionately) known as the Fearsome Five:

Phew! What a header there. Salutations, gentlemen, long time no hear! And, in some of your cases, not at all. Doctor Slug writing to you from his latest hideout outside the city. (I naturally won’t say WHERE, just in case this falls into the wrong hands. Don’t bother checking the IP address, took care of that too.) I hope all has been going well. I was beginning to worry when I saw a certain someone slip down on the most wanted list. I would be sadden if you gave up, I quite enjoy reading about your exploits!

That aside, my main reason for writing was this: the holidays are coming up! And with that, I have decided to throw yet another shindig this year. Just something to keep up the morale, you know; and maybe even spark future team ups among the dark side of the community. (It’s always pleasant to see the young people joining together for such a noble cause! Haha!) As always, there will be plenty to eat and drink. So you can always not bother to socialize, and at least get a warm festive meal.

RSVP in advance, and do let me know of all your dietary needs! Your comfort is my priority, after all.

Sincerely Sinister and Slimey.
THE Doctor Slug


Re: Slug Life

Megavolt: Dr. D! I’ve been wondering where you went, I was beginning to think you shriveled up on us, eh-heh. I’m looking forward to your party, but can I bring a date? I met this really nice fax machine a few nights ago, and I REALLY want to impress her by showing her around your new digs.

Quackerjack: OOOOH I LOVE YOUR PARTIES~! Can you get Mrs. Slug to make that smashing casserole of hers? And that delightful fruity punch! Mr. Banana Brain just came up with a new set of Knock-Knock jokes that will make him the belle of the ball! Here’s a sneak preview:

Mr. BB: Knock knock!

Quackerjack: Who’s there?

Mr. BB: Banana!

Quackerjack: Banana who?

Mr. BB: Banana split my head in half with an axe so ice creamed!

Quackerjack: Hwuahaha! Sheer comedic genius! Isn’t he just a riot?!

The Liquidator: There is a 100% guarantee that The Liquidator will be attending, no refunds! So long as Tuskerninni doesn’t overload on the punch this time and throw up inside of me. Running myself through the city’s water purification system is no way to celebrate the holidays!

Bushroot: P…p…party? You mean with other villains a..a..and girls? Well… since the rest of the guys are going, I guess I shouldn’t be such a scaredy blossom. I mean, what can possibly go wrong? Except for maybe Negaduck getting into another scuffle with Steelbeak that almost put us all on FOWL’s hit-list. Or me accidentally stepping on Malicia’s tail and nearly getting turned to kindling. And Lilliput’s ants don’t have any respect for personal boundaries.

Er… on second thought, I’ll get back to you on this whole RSVP thing.

Negaduck: Doctor Slug! Old buddy, old pal. Wouldn’t miss your little get-together for the world. How thoughtful of you to include the good ‘ol Fearsome Five. You’re just so considerate.

My dietary needs? Salt. Lots and lots of salt. In fact, why don’t you just leave out, say… an entire vat of salt? A vat made out of copper would be preferable. I have this… condition, see, and I need copper to help with my digestive needs.

Looking forward to the event. No doubt it’s going to be totally killer. Heh heh heh… hahahah… MWUAHAHAHAHAHA!

April asks:

All – what do you guys look for in a girl?

Negsy – i love your evil awesomeness. what is the best insult you gave Darkwing Dork?

Megavolt – forget what everyone says you rock

Liquidator – i love your voice. would you ever do a talk show?

Bushroot and Quackerjack – You are both so adorable, do either of you need a girlfriend cuz i like coffee, i like tea, i like toys and they like me i hate video games love all plants (roses are my fav) hate that terror of the english language Darkwing Dork, and im mental ( Multi personality )

—–Love April


Negaduck: How can I choose just one? All of my insults are sheer brilliance! As for chicks, it’s pretty simple: They have to be hot, must know their way around a thermonuclear detonator, and shouldn’t expect me to stick around for long. Bahahaha!

Megavolt: Well I definitely prefer the friendly traditional incandescents. Those fancy pant eco-friendly compact fluorescents just think they’re all that and a bag of hazardous chemicals! …That was what you meant by girls, right?

Liquidator: A talk show would be profitable. Just give me time to bribe the television networks!

Bushroot: I do wish I could find a girlfriend but uhm… I’m not so sure about this whole Internet dating thing. After this one incident I had on PlentyOfBirds I’ve decided to stick to the locals. Now if only they wouldn’t run away screaming…

Quackerjack: I dunnnno. You girls DO have the dreaded cooties. They say 9 out of 10 boys fall victim to the disease. Have YOU had your cootie shot today?

Abby asks:

Dear Fearsome Five

I am a big fan of yours. I have so many questions to ask but I am going to try my best & keep this short.

Negaduck – You are my favorite out of the 5! Actually you are my favorite villain of all. I’m sure you know everything about Darkwing but you never use that information against him. Why not? Also were you always known as Negaduck ever since you were born or did you have another identity at 1 time? We have never seen you without your mask so I thought I’d ask. Last question do videos like this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9xPGOGEu3s&feature=related bug you?

Megavolt – I can tell you don’t like working with Drake Mallard at your job but how well did you 2 know each other in high school? Were you 2 ever friends or enemies or did you just not pay much attention to each other? Oh & this might seem kind of random but at the Petco we usually go to there use to be this big beautiful bird there named Elmo but I think they finally sold him.

Bushroot – This might seem a little crazy to you but ever since I was little I have been afraid of flowers. The movie Jumanji gave me nightmares. Its the purple flower that shoots poison that really scared me. Have you ever thought about making a flower like that? If you do be careful!

Quackerjack – In The Haunting of Mr. Bananabrain when you & Darkwing escaped you seemed kind of knocked out. Were you aware that you were in Darkwing’s hideout once you 2 were out? Another question I want to ask you is have you ever heard of the online Disney game Toontown? I have been trying to put together Toontown versions of the Fearsome Five & so far the others were easy but you are kind of hard. I am not sure what color to make you. White is not an available color. I know you don’t like video games but I’m sure making a Quackerjack in Toontown would make it a lot better.

Liquidator – I don’t really have a question for you but I do think you are awesome!

Thanks for taking time out of your evil schedule
Abby


Re: Dear Abby

Negaduck: Maybe I know, maybe I don’t. I ain’t tellin’. Alls I’m gonna say is that I was born baaaaaad to the bone, baby.

Do me a favor and make more videos of me punching Darkwing. Repeatedly.

Megavolt: Drake Mallard was a nudnik even in high school! A really weird one too. I didn’t really bother with him, we ran in different social circles.

Bushroot: I can’t blame you, that’s one fierce flora! The thought never occurred to me, but I have created some similar specimens.

Quackerjack: Darkwing has a hide-out?! Huh. That explains a lot of things… hee! And me… in a video game? Blasphemy! I say you make a cardboard diorama of this “Toon Town” and use that instead!

The Liquidator: Admiration is always appreciated!

Andy asks:

I’m new to your email but I only have a few questions for you guys.

-Negaduck: Have you ever wondered about traveling to my world? Are you and Darkwing Duck cousins?

-Megavolt: I’ve always wondered if you colud help me with my science next year.I stink at science.

-Quackerjack: I love toys myself and I hope we can be friends.I’ll even test out your new line of toys.

-Bushroot: I always thought of you as a misunderstood scientist and when I’m not busy we could hang out.

-Liquidator: Can you talk without that announcer tone?

Write back soon.

Your biggest fan,
Andy


Re: Tall order

Negaduck: If I had a portal I’d travel everywhere. Of course, I would eventually take over and enslave your entire planet. Hope ya’ll don’t mind.

HAH! Me? Related to that purple pansy? Don’t bet your life on it. Really. Don’t. I never lose a bet.

Megavolt: Oooooh, you’re not going to beat me up and hang me off the flag pole if I refuse are you? Memories of high school, flooding back…

Quackerjack: Oh-hoh! You will?! That’s great! Because I just came up with this really fantastic exploding putty, and I’m curious how many blocks it’ll take out, hee-hee!

Bushroot: A lot of people seem to think I’m misunderstood. I guess I am, in some ways… especially where my experiments are concerned. Someday the world will realize the usefulness of using photosynthesis in place of eating!

Liquidator: The Liquidator responds to this query with a likely no!…And also cannot seem to stop speaking in third person.

Animation Fan asks:

Hey Fearsome Five! I just became a member of the “Old Haunt” forum, and despite it being pretty inactive (sort of) I know I’ll enjoy it there. So I have a few questions for each one of you.

Absolute Overlord NegaDuck- If you had a choice, would you rather switch places with Satan himself and rule the underworld, where everything you love is right there, or would you rather be the overlord of the entire universe, (with all planets, earth, St. Canard, etc.)?

Dr. Bushroot- I know you love plants, so I’m curious, what type of plant do you think would be best for someone that lives by the ocean? (No, don’t give me the ice plant answer, there’s too many of those around here.)

MegaVolt- Do you hear intense static whenever you are around electric appliances or anything else classified as electric? I hear them all the time myself. I know immediately if a computer or TV is on just by hearing the static even if the setting is mute.

Liquidator-I volunteer at a shelter where my job is to basically try to get animals adopted. (Not an evil job, I know.) There are some animals where most people just don’t want because they are 1) too shy, 2) are a darker color, 3) have attitudes, 4) or simply just don’t have an interest in people.

As a businessperson, would you have have any suggestions on how to get these little guys adopted? Stretching the truth? Touch the person’s tender spots with a sad story about the animal that would make the other person want to adopt the poor thing, or is there anything else you can think of?

Quackerjack- Has anyone ever told you that you are a lot like the Joker in Batman?

Okay, sorry, that was just a random question, I’ll be a little more serious:
Were any of your toys inspired by movies such as Chuckie?

Thanks for reading guys! Have a terribly good day!
Sincerely,
AF(AnimationFan) aka Am


Re: Twenty-questions

Negaduck: Torturing a bunch of dead lawyers just wouldn’t do it for me. I wanna unleash terror and chaos upon the GOOD guys and ruin everything they love, especially my dippy dogooder double! I care not for the saps who were banished to the underworld for kicking puppies (although I highly endorse Puppy Kicking).

Bushroot: Well um… you don’t live in the ocean right? You could always have a greenhouse nearby, then you can have just about any plant! Or keep one in your home. The little guys generally aren’t happy out by the ocean, which is why most beaches are bare.

Megavolt: Well my blender is awfully chatty… always gossiping about this-and-that and what the fridge was doing yesterday with the stove. Er, that’s what you meant by ‘static’ right?

Liquidator: Threaten to drown the adorable creatures if nobody adopts them! Ten out of ten veterinarians will agree that nobody will allow an animal to die needlessly… unless you’re my boss!

Quackerjack: Ooh really? I always thought my jokes were hi-larious but nobody else seems to think so because they usually start crying by the time I’m finished! I should ask this Joker fellow for some pointers… hee.

And no, absolutely not with a triple cherry bomb on top! That movie is absurd! After watching it, I asked Sparky to lend me some of his ‘lectric juice to give my toys that evil ‘oomph’ and all it did was melt them! Worst. Movie. Ever. I give it -4.6 Bananas out of 10 apples!

Courtney and Drakken asked:

Dear Future Overlords of our very existence,

 Hey-ya there. We, the two said beings writing this poor excuse of a letter, are huge fans of your work. And being future demented denizens of your chaos filled world, we wish to ask some questions that have been plaguing our sleep for some time now. We wish for you to answer. (Pretty please with chunks of minced hero mallard on top?)

To the Supreme Devious Negaduck:

Courtney – Is it fun traveling from one universe to the next? Any sort of tingling sensations? (Is it like swimming through chocolate pudding?)

DrakkenWasHere – Man, you are so amazing! Did you have to sell your soul or something to Lucifer in order to be just plain awesome? Where do you buy those cool fedoras? (I need some, gosh darnnit! Although you might want to find a Miss Carmen Sandiego, and introduce her to your chainsaw. I heard she’s trying to steal your look!) But most importantly, why do you work with the other members of your team if they’re actually the Friendly Four in the Negaverse? I mean, isn’t that just another reason to hate those knobs?

To the Overly Handsome Aquatic Canine:

Courtney – WHY ARE YOU HAWT?! *dreamy sigh* Looking for any gals to hang on your liquidy arms? If so… Here’s my number! That aside… did the transformation of becoming Liquidator actually hurt?

DrakkenWasHere – *shudders* Man…My younger sister is creepy. Moving on…What exactly are your feelings towards your sapling of a criminal companion? Bussiness partners, close friends, or something…More? I don’t know, my mind tends to go back and forth between the notions. I just wish you had more episodes! Besides that, I got to admit I love your voice. It’s soothing to me.

To the Sensitive Master of all Fauna:

Courtney – Awwww, sorry for those big mean scientist messing with you. I wish I could’ve helped out with that. (But then you wouldn’t have becomed a villain…Hmm.) We should get together some time for coffee and chat.

DrakkenWasHere – Wow, sir, what an honor! I got to admit I’m a big admirer. Let’s just say you’re an inspiration to all that have been bullied by society. And I’ll admit, I am slightly envious that Doctor Rhoda Dendron is the one you fancy. (But maybe we could be friends?)

Questions! Oh yes, I nearly forgot. I notice you’re quite a whiz in chemistry. Do you also care a degree in it? I’m thinking of getting a little potted plant to liven up my room. Do you recommend anything? Something that’ll add a little color, besides my green walls?

To the Demented Toy Maker of St. Canard:

Courtney – I like BananaBrain. He’s a cool guy, just like you Quacky! That is all.

DrakkenWasHere –  Ah, my favorite playmate! I love how whimsical you can be. You up for a game of hide-n-seek? I’ll admit I’m pretty good at not being found. Not it! *runs off to hide*

To Mr.BB – How does it go, Joe?

To the Ingenious Controller of Electrical Charges:

Courtney- Hi? I got nothing.

DrakkenWasHere –  Howdy, Megsy-Wegsy! Huge fan of your cause. I just feel so terrible of the enslavement of those poor light bulbs. Speaking of that…How is Sparkette? Herd you rescued the dear not too long ago. They’re an old pal of mine. But I got a very important thing to say: only toasters toast toast!

Thanks for taking the time to read our nonsense!

Sending Evil (Yet Loyal) Fangirl Love,
DrakkenWasHere and Courtney


Re: Freaky Fabulous Fangirls

Negaduck:

Courtney,
More like the sensation you get after a heavy night on the town, only to wake up the next morning to find yerself naked and hanging upside from a tree…… in a tiger habitat, at the zoo.

Drakken,
Hah, I’m 100% Pure Natural Evil, baby! No soul-reaping contracts required. As for the copy-cat, let’s just say stealing from her wardrobe has proven to be a lucrative pastime for me, heh. Do you know how much a villain’s underwear go for on Ebay?

And as for those four idiot henchmen of mine, they are indeed annoying, but they have their uses… like functioning as my personal shield under gunfire. Or pushing them in front of a bus when I need to blow off some steam.

The Liquidator:

Courtney,
The Liquidator unfortunately cannot recall the memory of what happened during his transformation, but knows it has proved worthwhile in the long run!

Drakken,
A businessman never reveals his secrets! Especially joint-partnerships.

Bushroot:

Miss Courtney,
Ah, well… I can’t drink coffee, but I’d love to talk! I’ll bring along my fertilizer tea!

Miss Drakken,
Wow, I’m not used to all these fan letters! Gee, I wish the guys appreciated me this much… er, not like that. But well… you know! I wish they’d respect me a bit more!

Oh, and I was primarily a Biology major, specializing in Botany. I did dabble a bit in Chemistry though, since it was important to my experiments. As for plants, I recommend you research something that suits your environment, based on how humid and temperate it happens to be. And never forget water and sunlight!

Quackerjack:

Courtney Bo Bortney,
You hear that, Mr. B? She thinks I’m cool! (Mr.BB: Dream on, Shawn!)

Drakkey,
NOT IT EITHER!  (Mr. BB: I’m doing swell, Nell! Aw… does that mean I’m It?)

Megavolt:

Courtney,
Really? I got a rash.

Drakken,
Ah, good to meet a fellow luminescent liberator! (salutes) All is well on the home front, I rescued a very timid incandescent earlier today. As for Sparkette, she hasn’t called… (sniff). Maybe I came on too fast?

Damonika asks:

I think y’all are the greatest villain group ever. Negaduck, you’re the most awesome villain ever and I think you have such a great voice. What is your favorite weapon besides your chainsaw?

Re: The Crazy Chick

Probably my missile-launcher. Ah, the good times I’ve had with Big Bertha…

No love,
Negaduck.