If You Give a Bird a Bicky...

((Approximately one week after the events of The Lying, the Witch and the Xenophobes))

"Ok, one last time before they get here," Briar said, adjusting her hat nervously. In preparation of her parents arrival (and subsequent lifestyle judgement), the goose had replaced her usual frilly choice of wardrobe for a slightly more traditional look. "We all know what the plan is..? And what to do..?"  The target had selected, the costumes picked out, Gladstone's protests over the short-short lederhosen had been ignored, what else was left to worry about? Oh yeah...

"Lilly, you going to be ok, hun?" she asked, directly addressing the honest elephant in the room. "You have the emergency cue cards?"

    • Gladstone Gander
      Gladstone Gander

      Hanselstone tugged on his uncomfortable creeping lederISaidNosen but at least he hadn't sacrificed one of his suits for this travesty. Silver linings.

      "She's good." He said confidently. "I've been quizzing her all week. She's going to be the evilest little Gretel to eat you out of house and home." He paused for a moment. "In... not a dirty way. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN." He waved his hand irritably. "You'll both be fine.  Just-" he demonstrated breathing in deeply and exhaling the same way. "-breathe okay?  We've got our plan. We'll be in and out faster than you can say 'Does mein butt look Greatle in zeze hozen'? Hypothetical question because I know it does." Well, there was no helping the shortness of these shorts. "And can I just say you ladies look-" finger gun number one at Briar. "-bad in an eighties slang kind of way." finger gun number two at Lilly. "Zank koodness you're not acdually mein zisder." 

      Pew pew.

      "Now we gettin' masks to complete this whole bad guy getup?"

      • Lilly Teal
        Lilly Teal

        Briar really seemed to be making a habit of putting Gladstone in tight clothes, or short clothes or both. And Lilly wasn't sure what that said about anything, but she had more important things to worry about. She tugged at her twin braids a little nervously, taking a deep breath. Yes, she'd been given a very cute costume, but that didn't change the fact that, however pretend, they were essentially going to be conning her friend's parents.

        Giving Gladstone a grateful look, that quickly turned into amusement at his ridiculous accent and behaviour, she nodded. "Yes, I've been practicing. But just in case." The little lace apron had a pocket in the front, she fished her cue cards out of it, held securely together with an elastic band. "I do have them. Hopefully I won't have to use them."

        We've GOT this.

        • Mother Goose
          Mother Goose

          "Es ist mir so peinlih dich zu kennen..." Briar muttered at Gladstone's atrocious accent. That was why Lilly got the adorable costume and the gander got the hilarious costume. "And yes, Arnold Swanzenegger, masks are on the table. Nothing fancy this time, I know it goes to your head," she said, gesturing to the black domino masks. To prevent any possible magical/luck problems, they'd been bought at the local costume shop, one for everyone in their little crime family.

          "Breathe, right..." Whoo. Ha. Yeah. They'd get through this. It'd be ok. She patted Lilly's shoulder reassuringly. "It's all for a good cause..." A little lying to make everyone happy was surely ok. "You got this. They'll love you. Plus- free cookies!"

          The goose looked at the clock again.

          In three...

          two...

          one-

          POOF.

          The Grimms had landed. Repeat, the witch is in the house! Battle stations, Dorothys!

          "Ah, children!" Gary cried happily, sweeping the trio into a big group hug. "How are my favorite group of imps doing? Gladstone, my boy, you're looking much better!" he said approvingly, ruffling Gladstone's hair, ignoring attempts to squirm away from the overabundance of affection. "Girls, you look lovely as well~" he assured, kissing each of them on the cheek.

          "Awww, Gary, they're wearing little matching outfits, how precious!" Hagatha gasped, already fishing out a camera. "This could be our Christmas card! Quick, everybody say Felonyyyy~!" Click, click.

          "MOM!" Briar protested.

          "Shh, you look beautiful, gummy-worm..." Click click click. "Now! Come give your mother a kiss~" the older witch said as Gary released them from the cuddling, only to sweep them up in quick maternal snuggle of her own. "Hello, darling, minions~"

          "Oh, I almost forgot, I brought souvenirs for everyone," the warlock said, slapping his forehead. He began pulling gift bags from inside his coat.  "One for you-" Gladstone's giftbag contained a snowglobe of a tiny witch holding a sign that read 'Welcome to New Salem" while dangling from a noose. She winked at the viewer and escaped in a cloud of glitter if you shook it. "One for you-" Lilly's had a cuddly skeleton in a raven costume and a bag of candy.

          "One for you- And of course, some bleh blossoms for my bleh blossom~" He finished by passing a huge bouquet of the fanged flowers and a luridly pink teddybear to Briar. "Oh, pops...! You didn't have to-!" All of these were gifts better suited to a three-year-old than a thirty-something, but that didn't stop the squeal of joy as Briar hugged the teddybear.

          "You'll spoil them, Gary," Hagatha said without any actual scolding in her voice, leaning on her husband's shoulder. "So... what have you been up to while we were away?" she fished, clearly hoping to hear about the fun day they'd planned.

          • Gladstone Gander
            Gladstone Gander

            Not even messed up hair, or uncomfortable lederhosen, or photographic evidence of him in said uncomfortable lederhosen (not that he'd look anything less than amazing in the pictures. He ALWAYS photographed exceptionally well), or... well anything that was going on could reach the gander as he stared at the snow globe. Once the insides reset he shook it again watching it with a guarded expression but a ragged little inhale nearly exposed him and he cleared his throat quickly  to reset his own insides.  The snow globe was clutched to his chest protectively with a genuine happy smile.

            "Thank you very much. This is great! I know exactly where I'm gong to put it." 

            Right next to my Best Boyfriend Ever trophy.  Aka a place of great honor. 

            But yes... back to business.

            "The Boss has been baking up a sweet plot, one of her best I think." As he spoke his eyes slowly drifted back to the snow globe in his hand and he gave it a little shake again. He so rarely got gifts. Free things sure, all the time. But things picked out specifically for him?  Focus. "Uh-" he looked at the table. "-we have masks!" 

            He picked one up to present it to the gathered company.  Then realizing that this probably was not dramatic enough he put his own on. Which was tricky as that snow globe was not going to be put down anytime soon. 

             

             

            • Lilly Teal
              Lilly Teal

              Briar's squeal of joy wasn't the only one as Lilly wrapped her arms around the plush skeleton like an octopus herself. It was so cute! It was so soft! So nice!

              Is that candy?!

              She was an adult. And yet she had already fished a small piece of chocolate out of the bag of candy, and was nuzzling the soft, soft toy with her cheek. They didn't have to! But they did, and she hadn't been given a soft toy in so long! There was General Huggy, of course, but she still missed the rabbit she had as a child. So just being given one of these... oh! Surge of familial love!

              "Thank you! Thank you!" Looked like Glasdstone wasn't the only one having trouble of letting go of their gift. Somewhere in the middle of the conversation, she had managed to get the mask on her face, and if anyone were to look at her, they'd see a very delighted looking, masked young lady whose braids and skirt were swinging slightly with each bounce.

              • Mother Goose
                Mother Goose

                Yes. They were totally a group of adults, ready for an elegant evening of crime. Not a bunch of excitable kindergartners on their first Halloween outing. Might be easier to tell the difference if they put their toys down first... 

                "Huh? Ooh, yes!" Briar said, reluctantly setting down her gifts. They did have a plan. "We're going to knock over this awful cookie factory Grandma ChunkyWunky's? It's just so sappy and icky and sweet- bleugh! So I figure we can pop over, smash a few racks, swipe the secret formula, and be back in time for a nice dinner. I booked us a table at the Shadow Chateau."

                "Oh, I've heard good things about that place," Hagatha said approvingly. "It sounds like a wonderful plot, darling,"

                "What fun!" Gary agreed. "But what are the masks for?" Not that he was disapproving of a masked caper, just curious.

                "Disguise! Don't want the cops to spoil the game." Or her friends to end up on the evening news. "Gladdy assured me these are enough to fool everyone in town," Briar said doubtfully, passing out the remaining masks.

                • Gladstone Gander
                  Gladstone Gander

                  Yes. Yes. He supposed he could find a safe place to put his gift.  Like up on that book shelf there. Yes. Very safe looking spot. He dusted off his hands and put them on his hips.  The overall effect of a Hamburg Burglar not even the least bit intimidating.

                  "Trust me, these masks are all the rage back home and no one ever knows who is who beneath them."

                   

                  Gladstone that was probably because they were almost exclusively worn by Beagle Boys who if we're being honest, all pretty much look the same masks or not. But as he looked around the room at the other other tall masked avians he started to get the sinking suspicion that he'd over looked his own circumstantial face blindness when masks were involved.

                   

                  ... uh. He knew Lilly was in here... somewhere. Oh right she had the skeleton bird thing! He took his place beside her. Making a nice little line up of Wicked Witch and her Snacky Lackeys.  

                  "But yeaaaaah! Let's do this! That recipe is as good as yoinked Boss!" He tugged on the stuffed raven's foot. "Better put your new friend down dear, or he might get dough on him." 

                  • Lilly Teal
                    Lilly Teal

                    But.

                    I don't want to.

                    At the tugging, Lilly tightened her hug on the stuffed toy briefly, and then sighed, turning to settle him on the nearest chair before bringing her attention to the group again.

                    "The masks will be fine," she agreed, speaking from experience. "Nobody will know a thing about us." Also effective is a hat and a trench coat. Somehow nobody sees that as suspicious, either.

                    "Shall we?" Bright optimism that was only slightly forced. "We thought... er, well Briar thought that we should get there when the first round of delivery trucks are coming back, it might be easier to sneak in that way...?"

                    Right? That was the plan, right?

                    • Mother Goose
                      Mother Goose

                      They were all so guilty and shifty looking... oh, bless her bats, was this their first time out of the nest? No wonder they were so nervous! "I'm sure you'll be brilliant, Briar," Hagatha said firmly, brushing the cheek of her- oh, wait, that was the wrong child. Briar didn't have dark hair. "My, these masks really are effective!" the older witch said in surprise, looking over at her husband. Seemed she was the last to don her mask, because the Gary had his pushed up on his forehead like a sleepmask.

                      Gary grinned and gave Gladstone a friendly punch in the arm. "Excellent work, my boy~!" he said, pulling his mask down properly. There. "Now as you kids say, 'let's get dangerous~"

                      "Oh my gosh, Pop," Briar giggled, summoning a portal for the group to burst dramatically through into the factory floor. "Nobody's said that since the 90s..."

                      • Gladstone Gander
                        Gladstone Gander

                        Grandma ChunkyWunky's cookie factory was one of the more well loved locales of St Canard's industrial block.  Namely because they gave out free cookies on the tour, also because the surrounding blocks were blasted with the baked goods goodness of a constant smog of cooking confectionery.  And because it was so well loved and the founder, Grannie herself still kicking and cutthroat in matters of cookie turfwars, was so concerned with maintaining the saccharine sweetness of her brand the factory was sort of like a treat in itself. 

                        The interior was colorful, as if it were built from candies and molded chocolate or sculpted sugar itself.  Wonka had nothing on Grannie as far as practical but fun interiors went.  There were no chocolate rivers, but there was a pit of chocolate chips that had to be gated off to discourage eager tourists to take a dip in the deep end.  

                        Itching to start his life of imaginary crime Hanselstone leaped through the portal and immediately crouched to look around and see if the lone security guard was around. Dramatically looking from side to side the gander saw no sign of the cookie cop and made some complicated hand signals that really.. he just kind of made up on the spot.  Coast was clear was what he was trying to convey. He probably shouldn't have lingered with the shadow puppet rabbit bopping along as long as he did but... eh. Loot and learn.

                        • Lilly Teal
                          Lilly Teal

                          Despite Gladstone's hand signals, the rest of the group got the idea. ... eventually, anyway. At first there was a fair amount of looking at him, looking at each other, pointing to one another, him, random doorways, and then the floor.

                          His signals weren't making a lot of sense, is what we're saying. But by and by, they were all through the portal with him. Not exactly a dramatic burst, but it was for the best for now. They had to get to the vault relatively unmolested, after all. There was time enough for causing havoc on their way out.

                          As predicted, this side of the floor was relatively empty, being between delivery shifts. Lilly looked around, resisting the very powerful urge to grab a handful from the chocolate chip pit. Maybe a two-handed scoop.

                          All clear. Shall we move for-

                          A messy whistling started up from the far corner of the floor, and Lilly quickly waved the group in the opposite direction. Was that the security guard on a round? It was hard to tell. The colourful, sculptural interior was beautiful, a fantastic place for tours and all sorts of pictures, but it got in the way of direct lines of sight. Such as, as a random example, the direct line of sight that would tell them who exactly the steadily approaching whistler was, and whether he intended to come to this side of the massive chocolate swan before they could hide behind the life size gingerbread hut or not.

                          • Mother Goose
                            Mother Goose

                            The Grimm family had two very different reactions to the saccharine sweetness of the factory. One was a barely contained squeal of delight at sugary architecture, the second was a barely contained gag of disgust at the cutesy decor. No points for guessing which was which.

                            Hand puppets aside, things were actually going pretty well in their sneaking. The goose was pretty sure it was her father was trying to cartwheel from place to place, but the idea was to have fun with this heist and it wasn't actually slowing them down.

                            She gasped lightly at the unexpected noise of another person in the factory. That wasn't in the plan! Biting her lip, Briar made the executive decision to set off an explosion early. Using her wand, she made a shower of colorful sparks to distract the whistler, grabbing the hands of her parents (or possibly Lily and Gladstone?). "C'mon, quick quick!" she whispered, dashing behind the gingerbread hut to hide.

                             

                            • Gladstone Gander
                              Gladstone Gander

                              The whistling guard slowed as he got to the recently vacated portion of the production floor.  His security senses were tingling. As if he had a nose for trouble the fearless employee headed right for the gingerbread hut.  He strode around it, stopping right in front of them and crossing his arms over his chest as he narrowed his eyes. The moment stretched out in silence before he rubbed his chin in thought.

                              "I don't remember these being here..." he mused out loud as he regarded the tableau of the witch frozen in the act of pulling... what must have been Gretel, what with the pigtail braids and all, and ... uh.  Pippi... long... stocking?  Who else had such red hair? Ms. Frizzle? Maybe? The witch, who wasn't nearly scary enough in his opinion, he blamed Wonkid for this, stupid Broadway, can't bad guys just be bad anymore, had grabbed each of them and was probably pulling them toward some imaginary oven?  He tilted his head to the other part of the scene, where Hansel in the shortest shorts he'd ever seen, was collapsed dramatically in... a ... business man's (?) arms as if mid faint, probably had to do with how... uh... big businesses tear families apart? Or something.  Hansel, he thought, was a little too much, one arm was shielding his eyes, as the other hand was extended to the witch and her catches.  The guard scratched his head and let out a sigh.

                              "Just your eyes playing tricks on you Marty old boy, maybe it's time for some cocoa." He started off on his patrol again.

                              Gladstone shifted the arm away from his eyes to watch the security guard wander off.  The instant he was out of sight the goose let out a cheerful little chuckle.

                              "Guards are so dumb."  He slid out of Gary's arms and clapped his hands together with a bright smile. "Nice work everyone! But there's a crime to commit! What's next bo-" he looked at the three masked women. Oh dang, which one was Briar? He picked one."....boss?"

                              • Lilly Teal
                                Lilly Teal

                                He had a one in three chance of picking 'boss' correctly, which even to someone without extraordinary luck, weren't bad odds. For Gladstone, it should have been absolutely nothing.

                                Except that his luck seemed to have made a bowl of popcorn and was giggling away to itself, finding the idea of his getting it wrong much funnier, because the absolute least boss-like of the three women blinked at him in confusion upon being addressed. Lilly looked at the other two women for guidance instead.

                                Gladstone, all three women have different coloured hair this shouldn't be hard.

                                "We have to get to the office. We know the layout of the factory at least, right?"

                                ... right?

                                Someone brought plans or schematics or at least had directions in their head.

                                Right?!

                                • Mother Goose
                                  Mother Goose

                                  "I've got the map right here!" Briar said brightly.

                                  Right-

                                  Oh no.

                                  Briar patted down her pockets. Then again, more frantically, in case she'd missed it somehow. She checked her hat. It wasn't there either.

                                  "Aaaaaah- It's ok, I packed a spare!" Briar said. "Gladdy?" Oh cool, so she put one in the luckiest team member's pocket, that made sense. "Oh, there you are! Help me out a sec~" With a smile, the witch ripped open his shirt below the lederhosen brace to reveal his treasure trail.

                                  No, literally, she'd shaved down the gander's belly feathers in the shape of the factory blueprints. It was impossible to lose the map if you were the map! That was just logical-thinking.

                                  To the unasked questions of 'what' and 'how' and, most importantly, 'WHEN', she said offhandly. "You really are a deep sleeper, Gladdy~" Briar giggled, tracing her finger over path. "Ah-ha, we want to go this way-" poke, poke "-and then it's a hop, skip, and a jump to the vault~!"

                                  • Gladstone Gander
                                    Gladstone Gander

                                    What? 

                                    No really.

                                    WHAT!

                                    Unsure about life, his choices within it, and whether or not he should be adding murder to the night's lists of crimes, Gladstone settled for hugging his exposed  torso and shuffling away from who most certainly had to be Briar.  No one else would be this cruel. Even Negaduck had standards.  His face red with rage and to a lesser extent embarrassment he started making very violent threats with his eyes, either that or he was suffering from heartburn.  And just so he wasn't ignored he reverted to hand signals.  Mostly of the boppy little rabbit getting choked by an oversized hand. Can't... misinterpret that? Just in case he carried on miming quite a number of animals, a dog getting slapped on the snout and then throttled by the same oversized hand, a bird getting shot out of the sky and then as it hit the ground picked up by an oversized hand and throttled,  a goose stupidly honking to itself getting pounded on the the head by an oversized fist until it could only make stupid looking honking noises with it's  finger beak wobbling out all over the place, and finally needing the help of some more hands he arranged... Gary? Hagatha? Lilly? All he knew was it wasn't Briar-'s hands  into a sort of scene, fingers slightly separated like a wall of spikes and Gladstone pointed to Briar, then his right hand, himself then his left hand.  He then proceeded to have Handstone kick HandBriar off of a apparently very tall building and land on the spikes where she dramatically writhed little finger legs kicking until they slowed one trembling pinky hand reaching for the sky before "dying". 

                                     

                                    His point having been made he testily removed the shreds of his shirt and after a moment of eenie meanie miney minion grabbed who he assumed to be Lilly by the hand and stormed off toward the location sheared into his stomach plumage. 

                                     

                                    • Lilly Teal
                                      Lilly Teal

                                       

                                      Gladstone's luck seemed to take no pity on him, as the person he had grabbed was far too red-haired to be Lilly. Well, if his belly map was any indication, they were closer to the vault than they had realised, so that was grounds for optimism at the very least.

                                      "We'll be done with this soon sweetheart," Lilly tried to call softly after him, but he was already out of range. 

                                      "Oh Briar, why did you do that? Look at how upset he is."

                                      It's like you enjoy upsetting him. Can you please not?

                                      "Oh dear... we'd better catch up, come on." Taking Briar abd her father by the hands, Lilly tried to follow after Gladstone’s stomping as best she could, but he was swiftly out of sight.

                                      • Mother Goose
                                        Mother Goose

                                        What a stirring performance! The blonde nearly applauded at Gladstone's dazzling display of hand-puppetry, until she realized it was directed at her. Wait. Was he... upset at her? The strangling fingers and hand-finale would indicate yes. "Gladdy-" Briar started, but he dashed off with NotGretel before she could finish her thought.

                                        "I didn't touch his precious chest fluff!" Briar protested as Lilly grabbed her hand. That really would be a crime, to rob St Canard of those downy feathering poking out of the gander's suspiciously-somehow-always-three-buttons-unbuttoned button-up shirt. "And permanent marker gets all runny on feathers-" obviously the risk of staining his clothes was too great "-it was the only practical way to bring a back-up map," the witch insisted stubbornly. "Besides, he didn't have to rip his whole shirt off-"

                                        "I'm sure his feathers will grow back just fine, pumpkin," Gary said reassuringly to the raven-haired duckette. "And if not, I bet I can scare up a bottle of Cousin It's Hair Tonic!" They might grow back four-feet long, but Gladstone could always manscape... although judging by the witch-man's receding hairline, the advertised effects might be slightly exaggerated. 

                                        Meanwhile, Hagatha was having a hard time keeping a straight face at Gladstone's ruffled feathers. "Oh dear, she got you~" she giggled, sounding exactly like her daughter. It was clearly too soon for Gladstone to see the humor in the situation.

                                        "Oh don't be sore," she continued at his grumpy face. "You should see the things I've carved on Gary over the years~" Mostly grocery lists and love notes. "Oh, is that the office?" she asked, pointing at an imposing candy-stripped door. "Are there guards?"

                                        • Gladstone Gander
                                          Gladstone Gander

                                          Gladstone's ruffled (remaining) feathers rose again at the giggle.  Ooookay. He released the hand of... Hagatha. Aha yes of course.  Ugh, who's idea was these STUPID MASKS! (shh let him have this) And was not at all comforted by the magical marital memos of the matriarch. He drew in a breath to reply when the office was called to his attention and noticed yes... the candy striping but also the security cameras. Oh yeah right that was why they were wearing masks. 

                                          "Are there guards?" He repeated, quite curious himself. The events of their heist so far had gotten him all riled up if there was a briefing where guards were involved he couldn't remember. "We'll find out." He shrugged and moved towards the door. 

                                          He didn't make it. 

                                          A streak of crimson burst from the shadows tackling the gander to the ground and pinning him down.  

                                          "Foul creature-" droned a deep voice from under a dark red wide-brimmed hat. "-you shall lose your hold on this man." Gladstone was suddenly splashed in the face with the contents of a small vial, had a salt shaker dumped on his head, and inexplicably the narrow ends of two sticks of lit incense shoved in his nostrils. And just as quickly as the figure appeared it vanished back into the shadows.  

                                          Gladstone laid stock still on his back as two tendrils of pachouli smelling smoke curled from the tan sticks stuck up his nose. He blinked once, twice, and then slowly shook his head from side to side, making the fragrant smoke zigzag through the air before he turned to look at Hagatha.

                                          "You know. I really don't know why I expected this to go smoothly." He said conversationally. 

                                          From somewhere overhead, the dramatic eerie voice sounded again.

                                          "Bride of Satan-" it growled. "-your death has come to claim you.  Meet your punishment quietly and I may allow you a quick end to your life of sin."

                                          "That's... that's just rude." Gladstone grumbled as he smacked the incense out of his nose.

                                          • Lilly Teal
                                            Lilly Teal

                                            Bride of Satan? That WAS rude.

                                            And I suppose jumping on Gladstone and covering him in incense and salt was also a bit impolite.

                                            "Oh Briar, I would have kept a spare map in my apron pocket if you'd just asked," Lilly said with a sigh. But the damage was done, there was no use in harping on about it. "Alright, never mind, let's just catch up to them and we can-"

                                            What exactly they could or would do died away in confusion as they came nearer to the door.

                                            "... do you smell something?" More to the point do you hear something? Do you sense the tension as Hagatha and Gladstone seem to be staring towards the ceiling as if looking for something in the shadowy corners?

                                            • Mother Goose
                                              Mother Goose

                                              Hagatha gagged at the eye-watering aroma of the incense, waving the smoke away. She wasn't hurt and neither was Gladstone, but she was peeved at the assault. "Satan?"  As if that red loser could hold a candle to her Mr. Grimm! "How dare you! Come down and fight-"

                                              "Well I guess I could say... sorry..." Briar mumbled as they rounded the corner. "Gladstone!" This was no time to be laying around smoking! "What did you do?!"

                                              "Gary, there's some horrible goblin in the roof!" Hagatha said urgently. "Keep the kids back, I'll take care of it-"

                                              "MOM! No fireballs!" Briar shouted, sprinting forward to hold her mother back if necessary. "There's sugar floating around everywhere!" she said urgently, tugging Hagatha's sleeve. "Sugar explodes!" Which was great if you wanted to leave a dramatic  impression (on the ground), not so so great if you were standing in the middle of a cookie factory.

                                              "Hmm? Oh fine," Hagatha said, as she was doing them a major favor by not blasting them into Kingdom Come. "What do you suggest then?"

                                              "Um..."

                                              "Do goblins normally guard cookie factories?" Gary wondered, looking at the normals. He didn't want to upset the big heist they'd worked so hard on... Surely they'd planned for this kind of thing, right?

                                              • Gladstone Gander
                                                Gladstone Gander

                                                Gladstone got to his feet, dusting himself off and his damp hair sagged into his eyes. 

                                                "Is he a goblin? Seems more like a  troll that guards the minifridge in his mother's basement..." He grumbled.

                                                "Ah-" came the goblin/troll's voice from the shadows.  "The coven arrives. I shall not let you lay waste to this factory of mortal delights FIENDS!" Once again the crimson caped figure burst out as unexpectedly as the Spanish Inquisition  and  brandished a crucifix at the Grimms. "Unholy creatures-" he snarled, lifting his head slightly to reveal his face beneath the brim of his hat.  The specter had wide set eyes, overly large mouth, and a constantly dazed expression ...it... really wasn't fitting for all the drama. 2/10 what kind of low budget  student film nonsense was this?  "-you face the renown Bartimaeus Boysenberry Brattleberg, the foremost Witch Hunter in St. Canard, my extensive training will strike you down with both style and finesse for RIGHTEOUSNESS! OBSERVE!" He threw the crucifix like a ninja star at Gary's head, spun with an impressive flapping of his cape, threw two more one at Briar and one at Hagatha. Before any counters could be made he whipped back his cloak from his shoulders and flung sleeping darts at the Germanic children. "ONLY IN SLUMBER WILL YOU ESCAPE THEIR SPELL!" 

                                                Gladstone ducked causing the dart to twang into a giant paper mache cookie behind him. 

                                                "Enthusiastic isn't he?" 

                                                • Lilly Teal
                                                  Lilly Teal

                                                  "Coven? Fiends? Unholy?" Lilly said in some confusion. Well that was all... so rude. So rude, who did he think he was? Gary and Hagatha had actually been nothing but lovely!

                                                  One crucifix bounced harmlessly off of Gary's forehead.

                                                  The other missed Hagatha by a mile.

                                                  The third. ... well it stuck to Briar, sort of. It got tangled in her curls and just sort of... drooped there.

                                                  And he'd missed Gladstone too! Good grief, it looked like he hadn't hit a single person!

                                                  • Mother Goose
                                                    Mother Goose

                                                    Briar eeped, but it was more from the crucifix trapped in her hair than actual fear. "Ah! Get it off, get it off!" It took forever to style her hair in the morning and now it was ruined! Why was this even happening?! This guy wasn't part of cookie vault security!!

                                                    At the words 'Witch Hunter', the Grimms each instinctively grabbed the nearest blonde bird and shielded them from the danger, leaving poor dark-haired Lilly terribly exposed to the darts. True, this particular witch hunter seemed like he'd learned his trade solely from anime and B movies, but he could be more deadly than he appeared! This bumbling technique was probably to lull them into a false sense of security!

                                                    "I told you this city was a bad neighborhood!" Hagatha hissed at her family.

                                                    • Gladstone Gander
                                                      Gladstone Gander

                                                      Bartimaeus held his dramatic stance, letting the cape settle back around him like a sigh.  It really was a nice cape, worth every penny of his September and October Witch Hunting Stipend. Sure he had lived off Ramen and the kindness of his fellow scholars because of it but... so worth it.  The silver crucifixes on the other hand, not seeming like a good investment at the moment. 

                                                      "Hmmm, you must have cast quite a hastening spell to dodge my attacks.  I should have anticipated such ferocity from the notoriously demented magical villainess Mother Goose. That's right, I know your true form..." He  looked in her general area, it was hard to tell with those eyes of his. "-I've studied you and your terrible crimes against the city and it's people! And I shall end your reign of terror!" 

                                                      Bartimaeus threw back his head so dramatically his hat tumbled off his head and he had to scramble to catch it and cram it back on, then he let out a shrill war cry.

                                                      "ARCHANGEL GABRIEL GUIDE MY BLADE TO VICTORY THIS DAY!" From a needlessly ornate sheath on his hip he drew a very shiny sword and pointed it in the direction of the parentally shielded Briar. "BLESS THIS WEAPON WITH THE WONDERS OF YOUR GRACE TO SMITE MY ENEMIES AND THE ENEMIES OF-" a little wave caught his attention. "-OF of...all...-" He frowned, lowering the sword slightly. "-mankind. Yes? Germanic partially nude child?"

                                                      "Just here's the thing Bcubed, you're going to get, at the very least, extremely embarrassed, at the very most horribly murdered.  Are you sure you want to wave that bit of aluminum around? Maybe you should just... go home?"

                                                      The gears inside the self proclaimed Witch Hunter's head were nearly visibly turning. He seemed to really see the Grimms for the first time, and looked at them with confusion. He lifted the sword to point at Gary.

                                                      "But they are Fell Spellcasters are they not?"

                                                      "They are indeedy."

                                                      "So then it is my sworn duty to slay them."

                                                      "Sworn to whom exactly?"

                                                      "Look, I've come to terms with my calling, if you're not going to be content with being saved by me then kindly shut up." Slightly ruffled Bart lifted the sword again and struck a very dynamic pose with it. "Now, prepare thyself Oh Mother of Wickedness, for your end hath found you!" 

                                                      And he charged at Briar.

                                                    Related blogs

                                                    The Lying, the Witch, and the Xenophobes

                                                    The Lying, the Witch, and the Xenophobes

                                                    MG's parents drop by unexpectedly.
                                                    Once Upon a Scheme

                                                    Once Upon a Scheme

                                                    Lily needs, no, deserves a Prince Charming, so...
                                                    Wicked Witch of the Beats

                                                    Wicked Witch of the Beats

                                                    When Mother Goose sets her heart on stealing...
                                                    Ghouls Just Wanna Have Fun

                                                    Ghouls Just Wanna Have Fun

                                                    MG and Ari hunt for a lost pet and talk about...