RP: Going Out on a Limb

(This blog takes place after the events of Razed From the Dead and Burning Over a New Leaf).

Reserved for: Malicia and Negaduck

"I am telling you, they are a special brand of deranged across the Bay! I was thoroughly soaked by the end of it all!" Malica leaned against the work bench in her warehouse, the glass of wine in her hand sloshing dangerously with her erratic gesturing. "You know my hair does not fare well without proper conditioning and blow-drying." 

Her drinking buddy could only tilt his head... no, make that three heads, to denote some level of sympathy. Pringles the Cerberus may not have been able to speak, but he was certainly an excellent listener. It was somewhat of a necessary quality - nay, a mechanism of survival, for living with Malicia Macawber full-time. Very few were strong enough to stomach her self-aggrandizing oral narratives before succumbing to a wall-scratching insanity.  

She was ready to uncork her next bottle when the canine Familiar's ears perked up and he spun around to glare at the wall. The deep rumble he emitted from his throat(s) rattled the floor beneath her feet and his lips curled back in a snarl. 

"What's wrong, sweetie? Do you smell a squirrel?" She set down her glass slowly and moved toward the source of his ire.  

    • Negaduck

      Must've been a talented squirrel, because the sound grew into a very obvious beat.

      Outside, the source revealed itself not a rodent in the traditional sense, but someone with a rat like personality: Negaduck, playing a drum kit out in the open. After a few moments the rhythm picked up into a recognisable solo.

      Of course, what he was playing with was a very unique pair of improvised drumsticks.   

      • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
        Queen Malicia of St. Canard

        "What in the world..."

        Stepping outside, she squinted her eyes at the sight before her. This was... well... okay, wow. 

        She had seen many a thing in her lifetime, but this was ranking fairly high up there in her list of 'Most Bizarre Oddities', sandwiched somewhere between the Great Wall of Clams and that one time she snorted too much pixie dust and gained the temporary ability to see into the Eighth Dimension. 

        It wasn't the sight itself that shocked her, so much as the particular individual behind it all. 

        She folded her arms as she approached him, one brow lifted at his surprisingly on-beat tempo.

        "I'm going to chalk this up to cultural ignorance on your part." She began smoothly. "Because I feel strongly that you are not intentionally appropriating my people's traditional ritual for marriage proposal."

        Normals, gosh. 

        • Negaduck

          He had largely ignored her. Until the M word. 

          It wasn't every day something jump startled Negaduck. Malicia would have to take some level of pride in that.

          Reflexively he flung the 'drumsticks' as fast away from him as physically possible, which meant one splattered against the side of the warehouse, and the other got stuck hanging off the side of the roof, caught between some guttering and a birds' nest. 

          "Oh tsh- great." Frowning up like it was no more than a frisbee or a pizza that had been hurled there. "Now I'm going to have to go up there!"

          And unlike some masked mallards, skulking about on rooftops was not his thing. He prefered skulking generally.

          • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
            Queen Malicia of St. Canard

            "Where did you get those, anyway?" A motion to the hot-potato ligaments currently decorating the side of her infrastructure.

            "They look awfully familiar..."

            Is this a line of questioning I really want to pursue? Is it too late to rescind any of this? 

            "I mean, I assume there is a purpose behind your decision to showcase your surprisingly adept musical talent on my front lawn."

            And it most certainly did not involve wedding vows. 

            • Negaduck

              Yeah there were plenty of things he was 'surprisingly adept' at, too bad fitting an entire extension ladder in his back pocket was not one of them.

              "I brought you a souvenir from the same source actually, a little gift to welcome you to the world of supervillainy."

              Said gift was side passed to the demoness as his focus remained on the problem at hand. A powerful recurve bow, worn from combat, with markings she might have recognised had she not been dealing with more pressing matters.

              "I hear your foray to Duckberg was super successful."

              Was that a taunt or...?

              Back to his souvenirs, jumping for the upper limb would obviously be no good, despite his astounding agility, so perhaps the course of action was to hurl the other arm up there and try to knock it lose.

              An excellent plan, and executed with superb accuracy, except the fingers on one somehow snared those on the other, and he was left with both arms lost, one dangling from the first in a sort of boomerang made from a handshake.



              • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                She stared down at the bow, seemingly at a loss for words; a truly rare occurrence which normally happens once an eon when the planets are perfectly aligned in the shadow of an eclipse on a Thursday. 

                "Just what are you playing at?" She rumbled as she approached him from behind and absentmindedly slammed a fist against the wall, which shook loose both arms and sent them falling toward his greedy clutches.

                It was then as she leaned in closer that she registered it: An unusually strong magical energy emanating from Negaduck's entire being. It was dark, and powerful. 

                "You...!" She recoiled with a strangled gasp. Then immediately recomposed herself so she could lean in once more, this time with a hand shielding one side of her mouth. Glancing both ways she whispered conspiratorially, in case any potential squirrels may be within hearing range. 

                "You're not... using that plug right now, are you?"

                • Negaduck

                  "What pl- no!"

                  How could he forget. But come on, that was a whole, like, week ago!

                  "Negaduck has always been utterly unstoppable!"

                  Posing, with a bonus muscle flex for free. Quiverwing's arms fell about that point and crashed atop his head, but they bounced off with a harmless squeak.

                  Not suspicious at all.

                  • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                    Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                    Somehow, the fishiness of this situation did not register. Then again, Mal had already witnessed the half-mallard half-cockroach scrape his way out of even bigger messes (of his own wrongdoing). His rubbery disposition and corrupt magical vibes were, on the whole, rather standard-fare in the realm of all things Negaduck. 

                    "Well in any case." She gathered up the bow and turned to head back inside. "Thanks for the concert. Be sure to send me your first album when it tops the charts." 

                    Stopping in her tracks to add.

                    "Oh, you might want to consider dipping those in pickle brine." A motion to the arms. "It really does wonders for the texture and can be quite tasty." 

                    Potential cannibalism? Again: Standard-fare for Negaduck. 

                    • Negaduck

                      A hand - of the still living variety - caught her by the wrist and yanked her back into an abrupt dip.

                      Sure, he may have managed that by surprise or trickery before, but sheer force?

                      "I can think of something much tastier." From that low purr it was clear it had to be something top notch because really, what could trounce seared flesh?

                      Got to be picky about what you stuck your pickle in.

                      • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                        Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                        "I'm sure you could." She responded flatly, clearly not in the mood. Really, did he think he could fool her with these false libations? Even she, who believed her stunning personality and incomparable beauty was deserving of all praise and attention, knew better than to accept a Nega-proposition. There was a proverbial knife hiding behind his back, and probably a literal one too.

                        Malicia made to break his grip on her and realized she was exerting a surprising amount of effort to do so. Sheesh, was he always that strong when under the influence of hormones?

                        "All right, spare me the song and dance and just get to the point: What do you really want?"

                        • Negaduck

                          The hand not hoisting the brunt of her weight slipped uninvited through her firey hair. "Just one thing..."

                          Touch traced over her collarbone.


                          Both hands lashed out to grip Malicia by the neck and squeeze with every ounce of superstrength he had.

                          Ooohyeah, that'd been a long time coming. 

                          • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                            Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                            "Glck...!" Was the only noise to escape her bill as she squirmed in his clutches. Her immediate instinct was to grab his arms and yank them away but found herself completely unable to break his iron-clad grip. What sorcery was this?! 

                            "I... take it... you're mad... about something..." She half-gurgled through asphyxiation. 

                            Then again, this could just be his way of saying 'hello, nice to see you again'. 

                            No time to ponder that however as the edges of her vision darkened and she fought the urge to slip into unconsciousness. 

                            • Negaduck

                              Passing out already? Rookie.

                              "No more than usual," he continued in the same silken manner. 

                              "Given your penchant for it I had assumed it was a friendly gesture."

                              In order words, do it again at your own peril. 

                              Before the blackness closed in completely however, he released her, giving a chance for air. Toys weren't half as fun when they were unconscious.

                              Not that he was picky.

                              • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                                Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                                She collapsed in a heap, coughing and gasping for air. Gosh, that was uncomfortable. Perhaps there was a valuable lesson to be learned here from this very frightening experience. 

                                But what? Ah, yes... the moral is that Mal is always right to be suspicious when Negaduck  doubles-down on the charm. 

                                "That is... quite the impressive strength you have there." She rasped as she rubbed at her throat. 

                                "But mayhaps in the future we should establish a safe-word? How does 'klinkenheimer' sound?" 

                                • Negaduck

                                  "Oh I don't do safe." That purr having taken a dangerous edge, not that it was revealing any secrets. "And I don't do fan service."

                                  Admittedly there was that one time with the thong but that was a present to himself more than anything.

                                  "Hand over the footage," a demand, leaning in. "Now."

                                  • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                                    Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                                    She was backing away in a crab crawl as he leaned in closer. Funny how truly threatening he can be when the whole 'strength like an ox' feature was reciprocal. 

                                    "Footage? I don't know what you're talking about. In fact, last I checked, you were the one holding onto our precious memories." She spat. Still not quite over that. Not that it would've changed the overall end result of that whole debacle. 

                                    • Negaduck

                                      "A little late to play coy, don't you think?" That ill fated ship had long sailed. "The footage you foolhardyly found funny to flog."

                                      Her last statement, however, brought him up short.

                                      "What? Oh- yeah. I totally have those."

                                      Not suspicious at all. It's not as if he would've misplaced blackmail material.

                                      • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                                        Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                                        "Oh, that footage." In a manner as though she hadn't been publicly hocking it just mere hours ago. 

                                        "Why Negaduck." She smiled primly. "I never thought you as the type to care about such trivialities. Are you telling me you're uncomfortable with the world seeing you and Quiverwing entangled in the throes of murderous passion?" Really toeing the line here, given he had nearly choked the life out of her mere moments earlier.

                                        "I don't see what the big deal is! Sure, you two basically K.O'd each other, but it was an impressive battle nonetheless. Quiverwing certainly knows how to finger a bow that's... for....... sure...." Voice trailing off as she stared at the weapon in her hand. Then at Negaduck's newfound chewtoys. Then back at the bow again. 

                                        Oh. OH. 

                                        "Negaduck." Her hand flew to her mouth in shock. "Did you truly do what I think you did?" Shakily pointing a finger at the lifeless limbs.

                                        "You... kidnapped and cut off the arms of a drummer so you could disguise yourself as three men standing atop each other's shoulders in a comically large trench coat and fed the elongated arms through the holes of the trench coat in order to infiltrate Quiverwing's cocktail party and steal his bow!"

                                        She was dead serious. 

                                        • Negaduck

                                          Blank. Just.. blank.

                                          Then he slapped her majestically across the face with one of the arms in question. 

                                          "One-" Counting on 'his' fingers. "I don't care. Except about ensuring any coin that comes out of hocking my fine form ends up in my fine pocket."


                                          "And two-" Man these were getting hard to snap into place now. Better get the WD80. "These are Quiverwing's arms, you blundering airhead."

                                          Geez, with deductive abilities like those it was a wonder she wasn't with Dorkwing. Oh wait

                                          • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                                            Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                                            "What?! You actually lopped off Quiverwing's arms?!" A mixture of horror and anger crossed her features as she jumped forward to grip Negaduck by the shoulders and give him a stern shaking. 

                                            "You could have at least waited until after I had a chance to test-drive those hands myself, you ass!" 

                                            A guy that nimble with a bow is probably nimble with a few other things, after all. 

                                            • Negaduck

                                              Unsurprisingly, Negaduck didn't see the problem. 

                                              "What's the matter?" Those nimble fingers waved in her fa..ce. "You want a loan?"

                                              The theoretically test-drivable limb yanked away tauntingly, however. 

                                              "Probably the closest you'll ever get, now he's been claimed... by your cousin."

                                              • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                                                Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                                                "I'm sorry my what." Because it was sometimes hard to tell when Negaduck was being a douche or being an honest douche. Both usually worked in his favor.

                                                "You're telling me Morgana is on the rebound? Probably still emotionally demolished after my date at her restaurant, no doubt! Now that I think about it... this is a good thing. I claimed her old boyfriend, just think of how fun it will be stealing her new man too!" She rubbed her hands together in anticipation. 

                                                "I can practically taste her tears already!"

                                                • Negaduck

                                                  "Yeahsure." Sounded petty and vindictive. He could get behind that. "You taste her whatever."

                                                  The carefully constructed carelessness slowly applied to a subject change.

                                                  "Speaking of you- you know- freaks," Insults, always a great way to get people on board. "The type that can wallop magic around, got the fang thing happening too, but don't look like they see the sun much, and are more stuck up than a hamster on a pool cue- what'd you call those?"

                                                  Labels. So hurtful. Helpful, too, if you're trying to understand what you're up against.

                                                  • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                                                    Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                                                    "Ugh. Vampires." She turned and spat on the ground, because just using that word sullied the contents of her mouth.

                                                    "Truly repulsive creatures and difficult to kill." Gee, sounds familiar doesn't it. "Your Normal movies were not particularly accurate. For starters, garlic and crosses do absolutely nothing. The only reason they cringe at the sight of garlic is because it is an incredibly potent laxative for them and being forced to relive ancient memories of explosive diarrhea would make anyone flinch in fear." Fair point?

                                                    "But staking them in the heart does work. As it would for most anyone else. Dragging them out into the sunlight is also a fun way to prolong their torture. Two things I fantasized about consistently in my high school years." There was a moment of low muttering about 'stuck-up bat bangers' and the like. 

                                                    Pulling herself out of her rantings to regard him curiously. "Why do you ask?" 

                                                    • Negaduck

                                                      Funny, didn't sound like garlic did "nothing". He could weaponise an effect that volcanic in a heartbeat. 

                                                      Any deliberation on the existence of garlic gummy bears, however, was brought to a close by that question. 

                                                      "Just finishing a crossword puzzle." 

                                                      Oh yeah like that was likely. 

                                                      Holstering his 'side arms', he would trade her that conveniently offered information for ominousness.

                                                      "Now, if you're not going to hand over that tape willingly..."

                                                      Back away fast, Mal. Real fast.