RP: Meet Your Maker

Reserved intially for Negaduck and Tanya Spellbinder (aka Gladstone aka Kitty). See OOC Board for thread. 

It was always a shock to discover oneself not dead. Particularly after being dropped into a massive murder machine that should have been fatal - but he would focus on that feedback later. 

For Negaduck, after escaping his simpleton of a sidekick, it was followed by a far greater shock. 

Namely getting hit with a double decker bus. 

Oddly, the errant vehicle whose driver had apparently not learnt to give way to supervillains wandering down the street was the worst off. In fact it was like it had crumpled into a wall. A wall who didn't even have a scratch on him or his impeccably stylish costume. 

He looked down at his fists. What was this? 

He had been built like a brick s..laughterhouse before but this was ridiculous.

A bout of experimentation later resulting in crushed street benches and bent lamp posts and soon he was out in the middle of traffic punching cars like they were preschoolers. 

This was fantastic! More fun than the time he had bulk laxatives added to the zoo's water supply! But why? How?

"Only goes to show," Cackling as he cracked a punch buggy right between the lights. "What doesn't kill you makes you wronger!"

A pause. Did that work? Whatever, he was going with it.

Such new power required further probing, however. And some showing off. No worse place to achieve that through crashing the party at the Old Haunt.

    • Gladstone Gander
      Gladstone Gander

      ((OOC: Aka DJAlias, Aka John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt))

      The Old Haunt was very much as it always was: dirty, in need of a good airing, and chock full of the degenerates of the city all glaring at each other as their drinks went warm. When Negaduck made his trademark entrance all eyes were on him for a fraction of a second before he was completely disregarded and the glaring contests continued.

      While he most likely wasn’t expecting a warm reception he was usually received with terrified trepidation. This was just... insulting. One guy even... smiled?!? What? And were those guys... LAUGHING IN RELEIF?!

      “Ah it’s only Negaduck.” Chuckled one suicidal (apparently) guy. “What are you public enemy number 74 these days?”


      • Negaduck

        Weather reports that evening would be a flurry about a sudden roar of wind that had gusted hurricane-like through the city, dissipating as quickly as it had appeared. The weirdest thing, however, was that it sounded like a question.

        "What'd you mean, 'only'?"

        One of those beverages slapped across the counter to warm up further on another patron's not so hot face. Call that a taster.

        "You boys been helping yourselves to the Mickey Finn Specials again?!"

        Only these thugs were stupid enough to poison themselves with the knockout drop intended for patsies more than once.

        "I'm the biggest and baddest thing in this town and you all know it!"

        Anyone not feel like dying today, there's the out. Don't all scramble to beg for mercy at once now.

        • Gladstone Gander
          Gladstone Gander

          Ah yes, there was the old muscle memory, a few people abandoned their drinks to start casually moving to the door. The terminally curious or just incurably stupid stayed behind not wanting to miss this intriguing show.  

          The doused louse wiped down his face and regarded the villain as if he'd just properly seen him.

          "Well..." he drew out the word, his self preservation lobe cobbling together something resembling a sentence. "...you have been gone for a while.  Where were you anyway?  I heard you were dead.  We had a memorial service for you and everything, look we even made a shrine."  He motioned to a corner near the dartboard where a photocopied, washed out picture of the mallard's mugshot had been tacked to the wall above a spittoon.  A few people took off their hats out of respect for the undead then realized that he was currently fuming in front of them and put their hats back on.

          "Yeah and besides,"  grunted the man desperate for death's sweet embrace. "-it's a relief to see you. It could have been... her." He shuddered as if an arctic wind bit through his briefs. "Anyone's better than that lady.  She's bad news, you'd do best to stay away." Was he... warning Negaduck about some broad?! What?

          "It's true,  you know the Brioche Bandoleers? The street gang that was holed up in the old Boffo's bakery?  They're gone. Just... POOF.  Nothing but crumbs left behind..."

          "And claw marks..."

          "Oh yeah well those too..."

          "And blood..."

          "Look, are you telling the story?  Then shut it.  But word on the street is she was behind it.  It doesn't settle right crooks offing other crooks, I mean... where's the honor among thieves huh?  No, you mark my words Negaduck, you stay away from that one..." 

          • Negaduck

            "The B Word Boys?" That didn't make any sense. The Bandoleers were as tough as they came. Granted they didn't have a brain cell between them, but foot fungus didn't need any brain cells to be difficult to eradicate either.

            The mook's collar, which had ended up in Negaduck's grasp by force of habit, was released.

            "You are going to tell me everything you know about this broad. And after that-"

            A nearby steel stool compressed, legs and all, with a single hand into a shape much easier into insert. Into someone's throat, that was.

            "We'll see how happy you really are to see me."

            Couldn't have his appearance going around making anyone glad after all. Where was the honour in that?  

            • Gladstone Gander
              Gladstone Gander

              Ah yes.  Honour. It was an honour to be left standing after the interrogations were over.  For all his diligent work (if one could call such joyous activity work) it would probably be a bit disappointing how little was actually known about this "broad".  Physical descriptions varied across the board. One swore up until his last broken finger that she was a half woman half sentient land tractor.  Another that she was Webra Walters and that she was using her celebrity to hide in plain sight.  All of this was ridiculous of course.  No one cared about Webra Walters anymore.   One person who claimed 'he had seen'd it all happin' the odder night' spoke with great conviction about how she was an elegant woman in a black lace gown with tall silver hair and one red eye. He was probably telling the truth, but why reward honesty?  Besides, eating through a straw meant a lot fewer dishes it was almost like he'd done him a favor right?

              So after a trail of "interviews," Negaduck would find himself in the shadow of one of the smaller train trellis of the city, one tucked in tightly among decrepit old buildings crumbling in on themselves.  In this dark recess in the near pitch blackness of the space, there was a door standing alone in the center of two supports. No home or fell wind or magical storm would kick up should he approach it.  It was just a blood red door with an ornate Gothic style door handle in a heavily gilded frame just... chilling.

              Not ominous at all. 


              • Negaduck

                "Uh huh."

                This city. Honestly. What a freak magnet.

                How lucky then he had plenty of experience wrangling freaks. 

                "Let's show Little Miss Clawathon how Negaduck deals with gatecrashers - starting with 'spooky' gates."

                With his usual bravado and bluster, he knocked confidently on said supposedly spooky door. 

                If and when it opened, however, he would be nowhere to be seen.

                Instead, directly in front of the entrance would be a plain paper bag. On fire.

                • Gladstone Gander
                  Gladstone Gander

                  The door, when knocked upon would start to blaze with red runes but no answer came.  Even when he frolicked (probably) away the door remained shut.   The flaming paper bag would go on burning for a moment before the fabric of reality would rip open with the sound of a thousand lost souls shrieking and a black portal would open beneath the bag allowing scaly violet tentacles to seep out of it, coil around the bag and pull it into the dark dimensions where, if a flaming bag of poop had a mind it would have been flayed, roasted, shoved back into it's skull with skewers and then repeated for all eternity.  Incidentally this was the fate of a few door to door salesmen and at least one very optimistic girl scout. The elder gods now knew that they were a fan of "thin mints" and were storing this information away until the day of reckoning. 

                  Once the portal sealed itself back up with only a few more frantic screams of immeasurable lunacy slipping through it quiet fell again. Oh... wait no. Hold on, the door was opening. 

                  "I can hear your heart beating from here Normal." A slender duck in a black lace gown, with tall silver hair, and one visible red glowing eye leaned against the door frame, partially obscuring the scene of a sprawling room beyond.  "Congratulations on drawing my attention. Although you're sure to regret ever coming here." It was a bored, educated  voice, dripping with self importance and not even an iota tractor like.  How disappointing. "So why don't you just come out now and we'll get this over with, I am a very busy woman."

                  • Negaduck

                    How lovely he had her attention. Too bad she barely had his. 

                    "How do you make that open again?" Before the very busy woman had even finished speaking, he had meandered out to where the edge of the pit had evaporated in and out of existence. 

                    "I have some weenies to roast and that old smoked tentacle favour really makes them pop."

                    What were a few supernatural skewering tips between friends?

                    • Gladstone Gander
                      Gladstone Gander

                      Tanya smiled, well she bared her fangs which could have been categorized as a few things but we'll settle for 'smiled'.

                      "Oh, allow me-" The portal opened once more, hysterical gibberish and screaming poured out of the infernal hellscape,  madness threatened to spill out into this world in a tsunami as a giant eye slid in front of the portal, it's pupil glowing red as it locked on the mallard.  "-ah Yog-Sothoth seems to have taken an interest in you. Maybe your torment will be particularly creative, one can only hope.  The usual tactics are getting a little worn out quite honestly." She said not even pretending to feign interest as she leafed through a thick book in her hand.


                      • Negaduck

                        Look, that might have been slightly creepy, but someone was feeling pretty indestructible. Want to guess why?

                        "I spy with my little eye," started Negaduck with no small amount of glee. "Something beginning with- PAIN."

                        Lemon juice in the eye!

                        Because what self respecting villain didn't carry pre-cut citrus to punctuate particularly sour moments?

                        From there commenced the most solid beating an eyeball had ever witnessed. If it could witness itself being beaten. Its eyelid yanked like a roller blind, its cornea poked, its pupil pummelled, until finally it was flung away giftwrapped with a neat pretty bow made from its own tendrils.

                        Any other takers?

                        • Gladstone Gander
                          Gladstone Gander

                          The witch slowly looked up from her reading during the sound ocular thrashing and just… stared. After he got through venting probably… point two percent of his stockpile of aggression in the grand scheme of things, she snapped her fingers making the portal slam closed and narrowly avoiding taking his hand off.  Dang.  Better luck next time.  She made a plucking motion with her hand and he was lifted off his feet by his cape, spun around mid-air and deposited harshly back on the ground facing her.  She put a hand on her hip as she narrowed her eye at him as if he was moments away from vivisection and she was plotting her incisions.

                          “Alright, you horrible little thing.” Her tone suggested he was a particularly stupid and unlikable child. “I suppose if you were hoping for a more intimate murder then you’ve got your wish.” She flexed her fingers and long black talons slid from her fingertips but she paused.  There was something… familiar about him. Not that she cared to know any Normals, but…. Her brow creased in mild confusion.  That magical signature around him.  She swished two fingers in the air and he glowed bright red and her eyebrows lifted.  “Well-“ she mused lightly as the aura faded. “-what an unexpected turn of events.”

                          She eyed him once more.

                          “I don’t see what makes you so special, but the spell knows what it’s doing. Did you come here to thank me? “ She ‘smiled’ again. “What a nice little puppet you are.”

                          • Negaduck

                            The whole being snatched from the ground like a stray nose hair was confusing enough without the glowy red business, but what really threw him was what she said.

                            "Thank you?" Seriously, and using the N word alongside that? "Been huffing too many cauldrons lately? Don't you know who I am?"

                            Negaduck got that these witchy types always wanted to do things their own whacko way but you didn't move into a neighbourhood and start offing thugs without at least knowing who was the spectacularly handsome and clever kingpin of that underworld.

                            Because what kind of absolute moron would go in without a singular clue about who they were confronting, right?

                            • Gladstone Gander
                              Gladstone Gander

                              She laughed. Oh, how she cackled. To share her mirth she brought the book down on his rather large bill with a "whack" then leaned down to his level still chuckling slightly.

                              "I know who you are, you are flea. An insignificant speck in an ocean of insignificant specks.  As if I would bother myself with such nonsense. Why should I care about what cattle call themselves?  Now, why don't you go bounce off and go cause that havoc that was promised to me? Go skip away little pest your stench is irritating me."

                              Tanya straightened up and turned as if to go back through the door, clearly under the impression that this 'conversation' was over.  Surely he couldn't have anything to say to this.  He was good at taking orders, right?

                              • Negaduck

                                She wouldn't get far before the rug was pulled out from under her. Yes, yes, literally. We all saw that one coming.

                                If all went to plan she would land in a manner to allow him to loom above properly, large bill and all.

                                "I'm sorry," he said in a purr that was clearly not. "And who are you to think for one second you can order me, Negaduck, to do anything?"

                                As much as he enjoyed causing havoc, he wouldn't do it at somebody else's whim. Particularly not before proper introductions. Manners were so important, you know.

                                • Gladstone Gander
                                  Gladstone Gander

                                  Chalk it up to inexperience in having any continued contact with Normals that the oldest trick in the book landed.  Literally. Landed her in a stunned fog on the ground.  The inexperience here being that Normals normally didn't live long enough to have her back turned on them.  As she tried to process this completely inconceivable outcome he was able to address her as if... she was... inferior....?? Was... her red eye glowing brighter? Or was it getting darker?  OH... it was both actually.  The warmth seemed to leech out of the air as she furiously got back to her feet and snarled in his face.

                                  "How dare you-" she seethed. "-you... you..." work through that anger. You'll find those pesky words. "-mongrel. My magic is the only thing keeping that disgusting pile of meat you call a body together right now..." she made a flicking motion with her fingers and a few murderpit wounds reopened. "-So tell me this boy, do you really want to cross your master?" She flashed those pointy teeth again. "Because as I'm sure you've heard Tanya Spellbinder does not often extend such generosity.  Unless you fall in line... I can sap the life right back out of you." Her fingers tensed in another complicated motion and the wounds sealed, but the bloodstains remained. "So what shall I do with you? Hm?"

                                  • Negaduck

                                    Whoa, did that smart. Not that he would ever admit it.

                                    "It's fine," Negaduck grinted out as if writhing on the floor was simply one of his favourite pastimes. "My holes close over by themselves all the time."

                                    Was 'just a flesh wound' redundant?

                                    As he miraculously recovered for the second time, the felon stood and straightened his suit, frowning at the evidence that the indestructible..ness did not extend to his duds. Only one thing for it, which was to send Miss Pink Eye his drycleaning bill. 

                                    "'Master'?" Choked through a laugh. "Why stop there? Why not Queen of Thots?" 

                                    Shake of the head. "Face it toots, if the Macawber clan couldn't magic me into complacency, a lightweight like you has got zero chance."

                                    99 problems and a witch ain't one. 

                                    • Gladstone Gander
                                      Gladstone Gander

                                      She stopped walking at "toots" but whipped around fast as a gasoline-soaked orphanage catches flame during flame thrower Fridays at the casual name drop.  Tanya rounded on him stalking right up in strangling distance how reckless! 

                                      "Did you say Macawber, filth? Would you be acquainted with Morgana Macawber?"

                                      No... follow up threats or insults?  Well... okay then.

                                      • Negaduck

                                        "Yeah," intoned the filth wizard lazily. "What's it to you, Blood For Breath?"

                                        Who was meant to be concerned about the strangling now? 

                                        And did superstrength come with an even less strangle-impervious neck?

                                        He had a visit in mind to test as much. One other errand first though once this job was done. Replacing job with 'wench' of course. 

                                        • Gladstone Gander
                                          Gladstone Gander

                                          She reached out her hand, surely to inflict the pain of death on him again and maybe throw in a bit of slashing with sharp talo-ooooor to slide a finger under his bill to tip his face up to be more in line with hers?  I mean I guess?

                                          "Well you little grease stain you might just be more useful then you let on.  You have had close contact with... many members of her ridiculous clan have you? Then I will give you your first task."  She grabbed him by the neck (ah! There we go! The balance of the world has returned to normal!). "I want you to find someone they care about... and crush them." She pushed him away harshly and put her hands on her hips. "Although how a pathetic little scrap of nothing like you can do that is baffling. So how about I continue my generous streak?" She grinned as the shadows deepened into inky black pools. "Ancient evils filled with scorn, let a weapon now be born, to rip to slash so blood adorn, let this wicked tool take form!" The ground before his feet started to bubble, then came to a rolling boil as a shape started to rise from the depths of the abyss. 

                                          In the center of the pool of black sat a glistening ebony implement of terror.  A chainsaw seemly made of demon blood and quite a lot of small sharp fangs for a chain practically winked at him lasciviously. The witch inspected her fingernails clearly unimpressed with this whole situation.

                                          "Now go run along.  I'll be in touch when I require your services again, however, keep one thing in mind would you-" Her burning gaze locked on him. "... Morgana is mine. Do whatever you like to the others but I have plans for her." 

                                          • Negaduck

                                            That dramatic direction met with only one answer. 

                                            "Oh yeah, you'd like that wouldn't you baby?" he was purring with levels of lasciviousness that would make even a fox boi blush. "I bet you can't wait to grind into as much flesh as you can find."

                                            Talking to the chainsaw, naturally, whom (?) Negaduck had already gathered into his wanton grasp. 

                                            "What's that?" Pressing an earside against the engine housing. "You want me to turn you on?"

                                            Probably not helping that 'filth' assessment. 

                                            • Gladstone Gander
                                              Gladstone Gander

                                              Tanya found herself once again rooted to the spot at the mallard's words.  For a moment she just stared blankly ahead unsure of what the Hades had just happened.  But slowly, very slowly, she turned her gaze to him and disgust flashed across her face.

                                              "Oh for the love of Nyarlathotep,"  she made a circular motion with her hand and a portal opened beneath him. After a brief bout of weightlessness, (or was that the earth moving under his feet. Ah love...er lust) he would be deposited in a completely new dark dirty alley, completely devoid of doors and disgusted witches.  The portal winked closed and he was finally given the privacy to whisper his sweet nothings to his new friend.

                                              • Negaduck

                                                The delightful waft of the backstreet sewers brought him back into focus, and Negaduck glanced about his surroundings tool in hand. 

                                                "She can shove her tasking up her athame." If confiding in a chainsaw wasn't deranged enough, that low chuckling was madder than a toaster piloting an Apache. "I've got a job to do first that I can really sink my teeth into."

                                                The teeth of the chainsaw whirred to punctuate that pun, and he took off into the darkness, laughter echoing through the night.

                                                Always great to be back.

                                                • Negaduck

                                                  Sometime later (after the events of here and here), the doorbell rang. 

                                                  No otherworldly pit would consume the visitor, at least in part because he was well clear of the doormat, thanks to the use of a poker. 

                                                  A poker otherwise known as the index finger of a disembodied limb. 

                                                  • Gladstone Gander
                                                    Gladstone Gander

                                                    The door opened after a brief moment.  This would have been a perfect opportunity for some super scary creature to come into view with massive gnashing teeth and madness in its gaze. But it was just Tanya. So pretty much the same thing.  She lowered her glare to the implement then leaned against the doorframe with a ... oh my was that a hint of a smirk?

                                                    "You brought me finger food.  How sweet." 

                                                    • Negaduck

                                                      "Oh no," His new toy wretched out of reach, even if it meant slapping Tanya in the process. "If anyone's going to gnaw on these bad boys, it's going to be me!"

                                                      Not that he would, of course. They needed to marinate first.

                                                      "I came to show you I've been too busy causing mayhem of my own to botger with your little task, so you might as well find a new puppet!"

                                                      Such pride. Such arrogance. Such obliviousness.