Dazed and Misused

((OOC: Starting off with Steelbeak, Dr. Tex, and Reynard at first, then open up later.))

FOWL's Chief Agent strode into the lab with swagger befitting his station.  He was careful not to get near any of the boiling beakers or uncapped vials lest they stain his pristinely white suit.  He hated going into the this part of FOWL.  It seemed like an errand to send a lackey on, not their top agent.

High Command scared him, though.  It was one of the only things that did.  That, commitment, and blood stains on a dry clean only suit.  It was times like this he appreciated the Eggmen.  They did the dirty works while he sat back and filed his nails.

He glanced around, trying to find the wretched Dr. Tex.  The man gave him the creeps and that was something Steelbeak was NOT used to feeling.  The burn marks on the walls weren't helping to ease his apprehension.  A few of them were Eggman-shaped.  Not that he cared so much about Eggmen, but he didn't want to somehow get roped into one of the doctor's insane experiments.  The man got a little...too into science.

He gave himself a pep talk to boost his confidence and he stood a bit straighter as he strode toward the back.

"Dr. Tex?" he called out, instantly hating the hesitant tone in his usually-smug voice.

    • Lilly Teal
      Lilly Teal

      There was an immediate response of absolutely nothing at all as the lab itself seemed to absorb his call without an echo. The eerie silence stretched out for what felt like a good fifteen minutes. Or maybe it was hours. Days, possibly. Did time even have any meaning down here? Space? Where was he? When was he? How, in fact who was h-

      Doctor Tex seemed to materialise behind him with no prior sound of him walking up to that position. That wasn't to say the appearance was quiet. The arrival was quiet. The appearance itself shattered the silence with a loud, enthusiastic "MY BOY!"

      Cornelius was in a good mood. He had clearly been in the middle of dissecting something green and slimy.

      You've got a little something on your... everywhere.

      "To what do I owe the pleasure!"

      • DarkwingPsycho

        At the exuberant cry, Steelbeak jolted out of his feathers with a scream.  Instantly he felt defensive and angry, annoyed with himself for letting the doctor get the drop on him AGAIN.  "Don't DO dat!" he snapped, straightening his pressed jacket.

        His bill, as much as it could, twisted up in disgust at the green...whatever...covering Cornelius.  "Yeah, yeah, yeah," he said impatiently.  "'igh Command wants yeh ta come up wit' some kinda formula dat can incapacitate de masses.  Make'em crawl to our doorstep, beggin' fer more.  Toin'em into even bigger saps den dey already are!"

        • Lilly Teal
          Lilly Teal

          "A fascinating proposal," he said cheerfully. "Is that all of it? Any special requests? What it should do, how to get it out there? Or do I have a free hand?"

          Speaking of free hands, he had finally put his dissecting tool aside and trotted over to a wash basin to get the worst of the green off of his hands. Just his hands, mind you.

          "On the subject, how's your beak doing? You haven't been coming in for checkups. You know, I have an excellent idea for some improvements."

          On the subject? ... well I suppose if the subject was science, it's technically correct.

          • DarkwingPsycho

            Steelbeak brushed off the scientist's questions for the moment, instead wanting to get away from his interfering claws.

            "It's fine, doc, really," he said, putting his hands up almost defensively as if he'd have to fend off Cornelius.  "I don't need no improvements."  Dear God, you horrible man, get away from me.

            • Lilly Teal
              Lilly Teal

              Such a polite, pleasant young man when he wants to be!

              Cornelius looked disappointed, but nodded in understanding. "Ah well. Whatever makes you happy, lad. Now-"

              Hands all clean and dry, he caught sight of himself in the the faint reflection of a large glass flask, and let out a laugh. "Dear dear, I am a mess."

              Back to the basin it is, then. Now we do the face, and the arms all the way up to the elbows.

              "Now, back to High Command. Anything in particular? A spray? Prick with a needle? Something mixed in a drink? Baked in a pie?"

              You'd be surprised what you could do with a good pie.

              • DarkwingPsycho

                Steelbeak looked visibly relieved when the doctor dropped the talk of "improvements."  He glanced around the lab warily, then said with some measure of disdain, "An' where's Agent Lowkey?  'igh Command wants him to weigh in on dis, too."  Unfortunately.

                "We need somet'in' easily accessible to de masses.  Somet'in' they'd least suspect as bein' fulla good ol' FOWL brand malevolence."

                • Lilly Teal
                  Lilly Teal

                  "Ah, then Reynard will be just the thing," Cornelius said with a bright smile as he dried himself off. "I'm sure he knows all about making things appealing to the masses, he's such a friendly boy."

                  He really is. Brightens up my day I can tell you. He don't always show it, but Cornelious sometimes could tell when people are unsettled by her, and that's not very pleasant for an otherwise very sweet and friendly personality. The mad little doctor really just wanted to make friends and do science. Sometimes he made friends very literally, hence his pets.

                  Turning, he directed a call to the dimly lit back room where he kept said pets. "Reynard, could you come out here a moment? And bring Arthur with you, I need to feel him something for his throat."

                  • Reynard Lowkey
                    Reynard Lowkey

                    A horrible racket came form the back room. The sound of clawing against the walls, unearthly shrieking and...laughter. Loud footsteps and the sound of something being dragged grew closer and closer until the brightly dressed agent came running out with an anaconda wrapped around his head and shoulders. 

                    "Yeah yeah yeah, I'm here what's up?" He said with a wide smile as the coils of the snake obscured his vision. "If this is about the gerbil cannon idea, I promise we've worked out most of the kinks and found away around the spitting acid problem." 

                    With some difficulty, Agent Lowkey managed to free one arm enough to pull some of the snake away from his eyes, only to be met with a most unpleasant sight. Work. In an instant his demeanor changed from sunshine and smiles to sardonic and sneers. 

                    "Oh hey there, Chief. Didn't hear you come in." What a mood killer. "Are you in the market for a pet? I'm sure we can find some cuddly companion for ya." 

                    • DarkwingPsycho

                      God how he hated Agent Reynard Lowkey.  Why did High Command have to pair him with this dunderhead?  There were so many other, less irritating dunderheads at FOWL to choose from.

                      At the sight of the snake, Steelbeak took a step backward, not wanting another acid-drool incident.  "No t'anks, 'cuddly' ain't my style.  I got a job fer ya."  He didn't beat around the bush, did he?  Truthfully, he wanted out of that lab and away from these jokers pronto.  "'igh Command wants us ta come up wit' somet'in' ta covoitly take control a de masses.  Somet'in' they won't suspect is really some kinda drug.  An' we'll be de suppliers.  Got dat?"

                      • Reynard Lowkey
                        Reynard Lowkey

                        He didn't miss the High Command name drop. Figured he knew there'd be resistance or at the very least stalling before the mission if he didn't use that subtle threat. It irked him just as much as it encouraged his terribly immature behavior. 

                        "Sounds like another yucky job you're throwing me." And they practically all were, like they had it out for him or something. "But sure, I'd love to join the marketing team! Am I going to be in charge of the design? Oh how about the slogan, gotta have one of those. 'Feeling F.O.W.L.? Fantastic'. Catchy right? We should write that one down." 

                        Like a true salesmen, he ended his pitch with a winning smile. 

                        • Lilly Teal
                          Lilly Teal

                          "Oh the two of you will be distributing it! How charming." Will you wear little hats and aprons? Awwww.

                          Cornelius was already all about this idea. He had pulled out a pad and a pen and had, with all sincerity, written down Reynard's slogan suggestion at the top.

                          "If that's the case, may I suggest it be a consumable? A perfume or cologne spray might be effective but not everyone would want to come near enough for a sample. And I suppose hidden needles are completely out of the question..."

                          Scribble scribble, jot jot.

                          • DarkwingPsycho

                            Steelbeak shot death glares toward Reynard.  "Dat's de most ridiculous tagline I eva hoid."  He actually thought it was clever, but he didn't want to let the source know that.  "Why not come up wit' the product foist, DEN we can discuss yer ludicrous advertising tactics."

                            He straightened self-importantly.  "I was t'inkin' it could be somet'in' classy like jewelry.  Somet'in' dat kin penetrate the skin wit'out anyone knowin'."

                            • Reynard Lowkey
                              Reynard Lowkey

                              "If this is supposed to go out to the masses, jewelry is the last thing we should go for," he continued on, unfazed by the glares he received. Be it from boredom or some prompting from Reynard, the snake he was carrying unwrapped itself and slithered back to the darkened room in the back. 

                              "Ya gotta think like us common folk around, 'kay?" Friendly arm around the shoulder? No? Too bad because this is happening until you physically remove it. "For those of us who can't go out and buy a diamond ring like a pack of gum, you need to think on a smaller scale. Actually gum wouldn't be a bad idea. No. Close. It has to be fast to disappear, but easy to restock." 

                              He was going a million miles per hour. 

                              "Like Pops-er, Dr. Tex said. Consumable. Why go through all this work of trying to find out how to get inside them, when they can do it themselves? Have em guzzle it down and come crawling back for more!" 

                              • Lilly Teal
                                Lilly Teal

                                "Precisely!" Cornelius was getting more enthused by this idea. "A snack, or a drink." Or a pie! "Something light and desirable. Mint flavoured? Everyone might not like mint. Lemon? Just a touch. A pleasing texture."

                                A nice crunch if it's a snack, a nice fizz if it's a drink. Something that, essentially, bites back.

                                All of this was being noted down, along with whatever Rey was saying. 'Pack of gum' was circled, and lines coming off of it with words like 'snack', 'drink', and 'pie' with a question-mark.

                                Jewelry didn't even make it on the page.

                                "I'm just not entirely sure what I could do to make it so desirable that they would want more of it." The aspect of 'crawling back' went over his head entirely, and he was solely focused on how to make it a pleasurable experience that people would be happy to replicate.

                                You know. Like drugs. Except it's not drugs.

                                His eyes lit up.

                                It's BETTER than drugs.

                                "You know, if this is to make people feel good about themselves so that they will buy more of our product," Oh my God Cornelius this isn't a fund raiser. "I have been working on something..."

                                • DarkwingPsycho

                                  Steelbeak instantly recoiled from the arm on the shoulder and swatted Reynard off.  "'Guzzle'?  What are you, a Neanderthal?"

                                  Then Steelbeak's eyes blinked with interest for the first time since coming into the lab.  "A drink?  Now we're talkin'.  Maybe a nice Merlot, champagne..."

                                  His mind still on alcohol, Steelbeak's attention was now on Dr. Tex.  "Oh?  Do tell..."

                                  • Lilly Teal
                                    Lilly Teal

                                    "Well you see, I was coming in to work a few weeks ago, and someone on the street corner handed me a brochure that said 'change comes from within'."

                                    ... yes?

                                    "What an excellent statement. You know, I believe so many supplements meant to cope with lack of satisfaction and happiness are only briefly effective for just that reason. What if change DID come from within? Suppose there was a way we could be certain we were making the best logical choice in life. In a relationship. To be able to detect with greater certainty those tiny ways that people give themselves away when they are insincere."

                                    Where did he get a board from?

                                    "No more time and energy wasted on false friends. Less time spent agonising over what to say or do. Fewer regrets. Greater satisfaction! I believe I have come close to something that effectively works like a supercomputer in your brain! I tested it on some rats, they staged a coup and escaped!"

                                    So PROUD he was of his terrifying events.

                                    • Reynard Lowkey
                                      Reynard Lowkey


                                      "Well, I'm sold on the coup inducing super brain computer. Thing. And now we got our product, just need to strategize the release party onto the unsuspecting suckers- I mean, consumers of St. Canard!" 

                                      That devilish grin that could only sprout after working in villainy for so long finally came through. 

                                      "Just think, we'd had them eating out of our hands, begging for more of the stuff. What do you think will happen first? We empty their pockets from purchases or they just start throwing the cash at us on command?"

                                      Wait. Still needs final approval. And the boss man has been horribly uncooperative thus far. 

                                      Reynard deflated a little, but a deep breath later and he was approaching Steelbeak with a sickly sweet smile. Maybe a little smooth talk and flattery will seal the deal?

                                      "Sooo, think this is a good enough plan, Chief? Wouldn't want to step on any toes during your operation or anything. "  


                                      • DarkwingPsycho

                                        Steelbeak didn't look so certain.  "I don't t'ink 'igh Command wants a coup unless it's to our benefit.  We gotta be able to control dem.  Buuut I like de 'empty deir pockets' idea.  Not only kin we force'em to do what we want, we'll bleed'em dry of cash!  Ehehehehehe..."  His trademark tinny laugh filled the room for a moment.

                                        He side-eyed Reynard.  "What kinda 'release party'?  We're stickin' wit' the alcohol, right?"

                                        • Reynard Lowkey
                                          Reynard Lowkey

                                          Self restraint like never before witnessed in the agent could only barely keep him from rolling his eyes. One track mindedness surely wasn't a desirable trait in a Chief Agent was it?He'd tuck that train of thought away for later. 

                                          "Far be it from me to, erm, display any insubordinate behavior, but maybe we should leave the heavy drinks for later. You know, popping bottles after the plan is a wild success?" 

                                          He pointed over to the mad doctor who was caught up in his usual fervor of scientific musings. "Pops-I mean, Dr. Tex here is pretty much guaranteed to deliver a potent product. You've got the face to sell it. And you can count on me to come up with the winning game plan. Trust me, I'm kinda good and fooling people." 

                                          Isn't that right doctor?

                                          • Lilly Teal
                                            Lilly Teal

                                            "You're too kind, my boy." Cornelius was genuinely flattered. "But yes, I do believe he is excellent at fooling people. At least that is what he tells me."

                                            But if he's not good at fooling people, that means he fooled me! And if he's good at fooling them, he didn't fool me at all. What a paradox.

                                            "So something drinkable? I believe I can do that. Non-alcoholic, so we can target as many people as possible. I shall leave the ad campaign up to the both of you."

                                            He nodded, as if that settled everything, and ran off to the wall where something was growing in a petri dish.

                                            "I'll start at once! Let me know if you want any particular flavours."

                                            • DarkwingPsycho

                                              Steelbeak shot Reynard an irritable frown.  Now that Dr. Tex was beginning his work, he had the unfortunate task of working with the agent to come up with the rest.

                                              "So we're talkin' TV spots, right?  Billboards?  Late night talk shows?"  He smirked smugly, assuming he'd be the face of it all.  As if his face and distinctive beak weren't a tip-off that their product wouldn't exactly be on the up-and-up.

                                              • Reynard Lowkey
                                                Reynard Lowkey

                                                "No grape flavor please, no one likes that stuff," he called out to the doctor before he disappeared to do his science-y stuff. 

                                                "Sure sure, all that good stuff. Wouldn't be a good product without a face to match it to. You know, like those late night ads for a bunch of random stuff that has that one guy yelling about how great the deal is? Same thing here." 

                                                But that does bring up the metal plated elephant in the room. 

                                                "That being said, perhaps a minor disguise wouldn't be a bad idea? A change of clothes, maybe style your comb a little differently, just a thought." 


                                                • DarkwingPsycho

                                                  "Like you're a fashion expert," Steelbeak retorted with disdain.  "Although, I do 'ave a pretty unforgettable face.  I could do wit' a small makeova for my Hollywood debut."  He tossed his comb like the diva he was.


                                                  "Are you feelin' like da loser you are?  Life kickin' ya where de sun don't shine?  Can't seem to land dat big promotion or de goil of yer dreams?  Well, friends, fret no more wit' Subliminal Energy!  It's da drink that woiks miracles!"

                                                  The camera panned with the metal-beaked commercial star, sporting a long, thin mustache with curled ends and a tall top hat that covered his comb.  He motioned toward a sad looking Eggman wearing a mussed suit and toupee.

                                                  "It's so good, even DIS lowly joik can BE somebody!"

                                                  The Eggman drank the can, and in the next scene was a completely different person.

                                                  "So get on down to yer nearest kiosk in two convenient locations!  Be somebody today."

                                                  ((OOC: From here, we'll open it up to those civilians who'd like to try the new drink, and see Steelbeak and Reynard competing to get the most customers.  I should clarify, if you'd like to join but weren't on the OOC Discussion Board, please reference it here: http://negaverse.net/duckverse/discussion/view/85212/substance-most-fowl and then message me, too!))

                                                  • Piper/ Jade
                                                    Piper/ Jade

                                                    The demand crashed like a wave.

                                                    "Red Sublim-shot!" Said a customer, loosening his tie and looking a bit strung out. He put his money on the counter and started tapping his fingers eagerly on the counter.

                                                    Piper pulled out a bottle of vodka. "These are really popular." She said, talking with the customer.

                                                    "Yeah, its great." He said, watching eagerly as she fixed his drink. "It makes you feel so energized, but not antsy, yanno?" Until you didn't have any... "I just, really like Subliminal Energy. I am getting through so much more paperwork at work, my boss is talking promotion, and I have so much energy afterwards." He was reaching before she even finished pouring the drink.

                                                    "Oh, wait let me top it off." She said, tipping the can.

                                                    "No no," he was already walking away, sipping his drink, leaving Piper standing there-- looking confused.

                                                    Curiously, she looked at the can. There was still a bit in it... not enough for another drink. She read the ingredients and then, because she wanted to see what the hullabaloo was about, she tipped her head back and finished the drink.

                                                    Hm, fruity... not too overpowering... delightfully fizzy.

                                                    But not mind shattering. Shrugging, Piper threw the can into the recycle bin and went about her work. It was about thirty minutes later that she was zipping around, laughing, waitressing, joking-- oh let me get that order for you, hey we should go out stealing tonight, ooo I wonder if Jacob would like a visit-- we'd have to find him-- her mind was going a million miles per hour.

                                                    Wow this was great! We should get the recipe and sell it.. could make millions! Ooooh a plan was forming... yes. YES. Time to find a dispensary...

                                                    • Crimson Cowl
                                                      Crimson Cowl

                                                      Crimson Cowl watched the streets of the city perched on a skyscraper ledge, waiting for some crime to happen.

                                                      "SO BORED! WHY IS THIS CITY SO QUIET!"

                                                      Crimson climbed down the side of the building. "Where is everybody?" 

                                                      He noticed a crowd of people at a kiosk for a new energy drink.