Interdimensional Intimacy Intervention

((OOC: Reserved for the happy couple,  the mad couple, and the couple counselor  at the moment might open it up as it progresses))

 

Gizmoduck had extended an invitation to Darkwing Duck and Quiverwing Duck out of pure, overly eager (and unrequested) helpfulness.  This whole debacle would be handled with dignity and care and would be taped in front of a live studio audience and available on DVD and Blu-ray in 2 to 3 months. That is, if the heroes would agree to sign the Webra Walters contracts at the bottom of his pile of informative pamphlets. 

 

For the time being however, he had arranged to meet up with the duo at an open air cafe.   The little wicker chair that groaned under his weight was pulled up to a small round table with four empty seats.  He wondered if inviting the Quackerjacks had been a bad idea.  But... he had to inform four birds with one stone (as it were) might as well try to do it all at once.  Although he hoped the heroes arrived first.  Until then, he sat in the over encumbered chair waving occasionally to any patron who recognized him.

    • Just-Quackerjack
      Just-Quackerjack

      "So this is the place, huh?" QJ chirped to them-self, cheerfully looking around and taking in all of the goings-on. A few passerby threw them not-so-pleasant looks as they pushed their way towards a chair (with seemingly with no concern for anyone else's personal space) and sat down attentively, folding their hands in their lap and swinging their legs back and forth at a speed that just might send the chair topping over if they weren't careful.

      "Hi!" they chirped, giggling manically and staring at their invite-or (was that a word?) with an unnerving grin. "Soooo, what's all this about? Did my writings gain me a not-so-secret admirer?~ Did other-me tell you about our fun adventure yesterday? Ooh, are you a fan? Don't get many of those anymore, but I certainly don't mind!" they rattled off question after question, inching closer as they did so. 

      • Quiverwing Duck
        Quiverwing Duck

        Moments after a Quackerjack showed up, another figure dropped down out of nowhere directly behind him, as if the sky were able to spontaneously generate fully grown ducks. His cape billowed dramatically as he landed in a silent three-point crouch, before the green fabric pooled around him on the ground.


        Despite Gizmoduck's difficult to ignore presence, it would seem this Quackerjack was drawing all the attention from Quiverwing Duck, who rose and--because the jester was seated--was actually able to loom over him.


        Under the shadowing brim of his jaunty plumed hat, the drake's masked eyes were gleaming white crescents. Leaning in so that his long beak was suddenly right over Quackerjack's shoulder, almost touching cheek to cheek, Quiverwing said in a whisper of menace delivered through gritted teeth, "It's you."

        • Just-Quackerjack
          Just-Quackerjack

          For a moment, QJ was caught off guard. However, they quickly recovered, turning around and grabbing Quiverwing's face excitedly. "It's me!" they smiled, oblivious to the obvious anger of the other duck. "Didn't excpect to see you here, you ol' lover-boy!" he paused. "Though no need to get so up close and personal! Save that for your little boooyfriend~!"

          • Drake Mallard
            Drake Mallard

            Darkwing came next. He would have made his usual entrance but he wanted this over with as fast as possible.

            "Keep in control, Quiverwing. There will be plenty of time to break his face later." The hero rolled his eyes at the scene.

            Darkwing looked like he had seen better days since his bill was in a cast and one arm was in a sling. The photo had edited out that part. He took a seat looking not too happy to be here.

            "Can we get this over with? I'm supposed to be resting."

            Well, not really. He wasn't fond of staying put. But that was the excuse he was going with.

            "We are not boyfriends." He clarified upon hearing QJ.

            • GizmoDuck
              GizmoDuck

              Gizmoduck was not as unprepared for this invasion of personal space as one might think.  After all his job required working with a lot of children.  His left index finger turned into a spray bottle and it squirted the over excited and grabby jester in the face.

               

              "Settle down-" He cautioned a few more blasts for good measure scolding him like a misbehaving pet. "-and keep in mind some folks have a personal bubble.  And those are not supposed to be popped... I'm pretty sure I have a pamphlet about that somewhere-" He turned the squirt gun finger to Quiverwing.  "And you, hello, salutations and all those plesantries we haven't formally met but I am Gizmodu~ck!" Name sung and pause for effect. "I'm sure Wingy has told you all about me.  You must be this Quiverwing Duck I've been reading  about. " 

               

              Now it was Darkwing's turn.  Upon seeing his "friend"s sorry state Gizmoduck stood up nearly taking out the table with a deep chested gasp.

               

              "Wingy! What happened to you!? Skiing accident?  Exploding pie mishap?  One hundred and one paperweights fall on you during an unfortunate office supply shopping spree?? You know there isn't enough literature about the hazards of plummeting paperweights." 

               

              • Quiverwing Duck
                Quiverwing Duck

                Quiverwing only seemed mildly surprised when he got his face grabbed by Quackerjack, his eyes going from their sinister narrowed state to wide open. That was a novel experience for him, as most criminals either got spooked or tried to attack him.


                Pulling himself together and mustering up his manners, the archer took a step back, removed his plumed hat and swept a courtly bow to Gizmoduck. "Yes, sir. Quiverwing Duck, at your service."


                He did not look directly at Darkwing, though, his expression chagrined. He simply could not lie about the condition of the other hero, however. Putting his hat back on and tugging it down so the brim shaded his eyes, he cleared his throat. "That was my fault. Uh. I ... thought he was someone else and kind of... um. Attacked him." There was an awkward, silent pause, and he finally looked directly at Darkwing. "I wanted to say yet again, I am very, very sorry about that."

                • Just-Quackerjack
                  Just-Quackerjack

                  Meanwhile, QJ sputtered from the water that had been squirted in their face, temporarily distracted for the moment. After a bit of regaining their balance, they looked between the trio impatiently. "Hey, what about me? And by the way, I can totally tell you two are in love."

                  • Drake Mallard
                    Drake Mallard

                    "It was just an accident." Darkwing added to Quiverwing's response to Gizmoduck's question. He looked over at the archer. "I know. I know. You're forgiven."

                    But you still owe me a lot.

                    He sighed in frustration. "We're not in love!"

                    • Just-Quackerjack
                      Just-Quackerjack

                      "But... I coulda sworn you were!" QJ prodded, holding up a stack of papers. "What am I gonna do with all these?"

                      • GizmoDuck
                        GizmoDuck

                        “Oh is that all,” Giz made a dismissive motion with his hand. “To be completely honest sometimes I feel the urge to smack him around a bit too the rascal. But I hope we all learned a valuable lesson about violence and mistaken identity.   Now,” Giz made to grab the papers out of QuackerJack’s hand.  “-as for this,  I hope you know that exploiting young love is a terrible thing to do.  They’re in the honeymoon stages of their unconventional relationship and you’re making it difficult.”

                         

                        Here he glanced between the two crimefighters.

                         

                        ”Which reminds me of the questionable ethics involved in these allegations. “ He put on a stage whisper. “If you’re not actually involved please give me a sign  so I can rethink my PowerPoint presentation on the subject. I don’t think he’d hear you.” 

                         

                        • Quiverwing Duck
                          Quiverwing Duck

                          Quiverwing looked legitimately shocked at Gizmoduck's admission about wanting to give Darkwing a smack. His beak was hanging slightly open. He finally sat down on one of the available chairs as he snapped his bill shut.


                          Considering the aura of menace he had about him when he first arrived, the archer now just looked lost and worried. "I don't actually like hurting people," he muttered, sotto voce.


                          Speaking up, he said, "We are not involved. I appreciate how supportive and open-minded everyone is about such a coupling but it doesn't exist." He rested his hands on his chest and shook his head. "I'm not dating anyone at all at the moment, I'm too busy with crime fighting."


                          A little of his earlier ire resurfaced and he suddenly turned to glare at Quackerjack. "Also, why were you trying to ... I don't even know what that all was, trying to undress me? That's the actual issue, here!"

                          • Just-Quackerjack
                            Just-Quackerjack

                            "Technically, we were just trying to have a little fuuun." QJ pouted. "And 'sides, other-me was the one who suggested the whole kissing thing! I just wanted to please your fans!~" they smirked at the last remark. "Unless you don't have any, you big grumpy-grump."

                            • Drake Mallard
                              Drake Mallard

                              "You what?!" DW flew out of his chair and climbed up Gizmoduck to look at him in the eye--errr helmet. The short drake growled. "You want to smack me around?! You'll get a web kick before you even land a punch, buddy!" He jabbed the armored hero's chest.

                              Then he dropped down and huffed. "Even if we were dating, I would prefer everyone to stay out of my business! But as he said, we are not involved."

                              Darkwing then he went back to his seat to pout like a little grumpy kid. "I'm busy too. Too busy for this dating nonsense."

                              • GizmoDuck
                                GizmoDuck

                                Gizmoduck was resolutely calm during the scaling and journey back down of the hot headed mallard. 

                                "That's the spirit Wingy, don't get a little injury stomp out your spirit!" Was he even listening?  No not really, after about all the low blows and possible intentional sabotages Gizmoduck had been victim to he had adapted a sort of selective hearing when it came to Darkwing. Perhaps it was all of the concussions.  Regardless...

                                "Well since you're not... involved this box of pink and green fabric swatches is just extraneous." He tossed the box over his shoulder where it hit a waiter and a rain of spring colors rained on the patrons behind him.  "There are very serious consequences for false fornication young ma-bo-" He frowned. "...person.  I mean look at what you started!"

                                He motioned to a group of girls who were very obviously eavesdropping each with a handmade shirt with the infamous "kissing photo"emblazoned on it. There was a soundwave of "Squee"ing.

                                • Quiverwing Duck
                                  Quiverwing Duck

                                  "Of course I don't have any fans!" Quiverwing snapped at Quackerjack, wagging a finger at him. "I've gone out of my way to avoid public and media attention, and then--" he waved a hand vaguely towards wherever those papers ended up.


                                  The 'squee' noise at least stopped Quiverwing from berating the jester. He looked at Gizmoduck, and then in the direction the hero was gesturing.


                                  "Agh!" The archer leaped up from his chair, swirling his green cloak about himself so that it concealed almost his entire body. Then, an eruption of dark purple smoke swallowed him up, allowing him to seemingly vanish from the spot.

                                  • Just-Quackerjack
                                    Just-Quackerjack

                                    "Aw, he leeeeeft! An' other-me didn't even get to say hi!" QJ pouted. "I'm still blaming him," they added under their breath. "Wait where'd that fabric come from? I didn't bring it!"

                                    • Drake Mallard
                                      Drake Mallard

                                      "DON'T LEAVE ME HERE ALONE?!" Darkwing stared in horror when Quiverwing seemed to have bailed. He didn't want to be left alone with Giz, QJ 2.0, and the mob of fangirls that seemed to be foaming at the mouth.

                                      • GizmoDuck
                                        GizmoDuck

                                        A megaphone popped out of a panel on Gizmoduck's suit and he engaged the hoard his already loud voice now amplified beyond measure. 

                                        "EXCUSE ME YOUNG LADIES. I KNOW YOU ARE A FAN OF HEROIC FIGURES LOCKED IN THE EMBRACE OF TENDERNESS BUT I CAN ATTEST THAT THESE TWO FINE FIGURES ARE JUST FRIENDS.  THE WEDDING IS IMAGINARY. AS IS THEIR THREE TIERED RED VELVET CAKE THAT WAS SO CONVINCING ON THAT BLOG. I RESPECT YOUR ARTISTIC TALENTS AND IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO FILL THE VOID IN YOUR HEARTS WHICH ARE NO DOUBT BREAKING, THE LOCAL CHAPTER OF THE GIZMODUCK FAN CLUB IS JUST DOWN THE STREET."  

                                         

                                        The girls eyed Gizmoduck as if he was the most insignificant thing on the planet and shambled away as a whole.   A few clips of conversations could be heard.  It seemed the ship was still sacred and no haters were going to stop them. (OOC: Disclaimer:I'm old I don't know how kids talk).  

                                        "RIGHT. NOW, OOPS`" he pushed the megaphone away. "-now where was I...?"

                                        • Quiverwing Duck
                                          Quiverwing Duck

                                          Once the little crowd dispersed, there was another puff of purple smoke directly behind Gizmoduck. As it cleared away, Quiverwing was standing there with his arms folded across his chest and a scowl on his face.


                                          Quietly, he grumbled, "Hopefully you're at the part where you tell Quackerjack that it is not okay to use industrial fans to try to blow my clothing off. Not to mention how it is not okay to take photographs of that happening."

                                          • Just-Quackerjack
                                            Just-Quackerjack

                                            "Wait, there's a cake? Gimme!" QJ shouted, making a dive head-first for the towering pastry.

                                            • GizmoDuck
                                              GizmoDuck

                                              Without looking Gizmoduck grabbed one of the jester's cowl tails stopping him mid pounce.

                                              "Yes that is a good point.  I'm sure I have some leaflets about 'Consent' here somewhere." a drawer sprung out of one of his chest panels and he started tossing things over his shoulder, all of which landed on the couple who had just fished the last scrap of fabric swatches out of their soup. He stopped mid rummage and stared at Quiverwing. "He did WHAT?"

                                              • Just-Quackerjack
                                                Just-Quackerjack

                                                "WE!" QJ insisted, flailing around. "Or is no one going to acknowledge that there was another me involved with this?"

                                                • GizmoDuck
                                                  GizmoDuck

                                                  "oh... oh yes of course." Gizmoduck leaned in and asked in a very kind voice. " Is he here with you now? Do you hear him in your head?"

                                                   

                                                  He turned to Darkwing and Quiverwing and made the "crazy" motion with a finger.  Which would mean more if it wasn't Quackerjack.

                                                  • Quiverwing Duck
                                                    Quiverwing Duck

                                                    Quiverwing was starting to go red in the face, although not from anger. Pulling his green cape around himself, he ducked his head slightly with his eyes glancing sidelong at nothing. "They were trying to ... I don't even know, get my tunic off or lifted or something and were taking photographs of that."


                                                    He pulled his hat down further to try to cover his eyes. "Also, he's right, for some reason there were two Quackerjacks. I remember that pretty clearly because they kind of double teamed me."


                                                    After a silent moment, he added, "Okay, I didn't think about how that'd sound when I said it aloud. I'm sorry. I just meant, they worked together on it."

                                                    • Drake Mallard
                                                      Drake Mallard

                                                      The loud voice only made Darkwing's head pound. "Ow."

                                                      He sank in his chair and pulled his hat over head. He felt so embarrassed being here. He wished this was all a bad dream.

                                                      "I thought I saw two of them but I'm on heavy medication so I can't be sure."

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