RP: Insert [Mad Lib] Here

[NOTE: THIS THREAD IS RATED M FOR.... well... you'll see if you keep reading]

Reserved for: Malicia, Negaduck, and Quiverwing Duck. 

PREVIOUSLY ON DUCKVERSE...verse... verse...

Negaduck has enticed Mal into a midnight shopping spree at the St. Canard Museum of History with the expectation of a Darkwing-free evening. Surely it will go well for our two pals lovers haters. 

 

    • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
      Queen Malicia of St. Canard

      "Okay, now can you slip it inside?"

      The harsh whispering of Darkwing Duck's girlfriend who, presently, was not with Darkwing. In fact she was with the other Darkwing, the bad Darkwing. Doing bad things. Namely peering through the skylight of the St. Canard Museum of History which, presently, saw an excessive amount of security guards and flash lights (I said FLASH lights, Negs). 

      She nudged Negaduck next to her with a level of annoyance and urgency. How long did they have to skulk around outside, waiting for him to do whatever was needed to get them inside, and therefore closer to the shiny, dangerous, magical objects? 

      In the meantime, now seemed like a good time to whip out another bottle of wine and pop the cork. 

      • Negaduck
        Negaduck

        Hunched over a round, high tech device, Negaduck bit down a curse at the sound.

        "Do you mind?!" Snatching the bottle clean out of her hands. Not that he wanted anything, besides the ability to focus for more than two seconds. "You don't just jam your way in. You've got to properly calibrate the surroundings first."

        A few bleeps and blorps then, "There!"

        One last button push and the disc wheeled away, down the side of the building and under a door seal, allowing the guards to finally notice the making of their doom.

        A.. roomba?

        It was promptly ignored. Until, seconds later, it gave a merry chirp, and detonated an encompassing cloud of red gas.

        Run as they might, the guards couldn't escape before the smoke invaded their lungs, and one by one, they toppled to the floor.

        While that was going on, the felon had already levered off the sky light, and dropped a rope. 

        "After you."

        Such a gentleduck.

        Meanwhile, a blue light flashed by the corner. Silent alarm. Sure, he knew it was there, but he also knew how the signal would be received.

        CRIME ALERT: BREAK-IN IN PROGRESS AT THE }{}|~0||<> CUDDLY CACTUS FACTORY <>||0~}{||}

        Fun times.

         

        • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
          Queen Malicia of St. Canard

          She made it one-third down the rope before gravity took over and with a surprised yelp, began sliding at breakneck speed, leaving small wisps of flame in her wake. Non-Malicia sourced flames. 

          Fortunately she had something soft to cushion herself with. The floor, however, did not fair so well. 

          "Wait why didn't we just walk through the front door?!" Her voice carrying up to the skylight.

          Quickly losing interest in whatever retort Negaduck dredged up, she realized her home advantage: She was down here first. And therefore closest to the magical shinies.

          Dibs!  

          • Negaduck
            Negaduck

            "Because..."

            Wulp! The soft sound of a mallard landing on a Malicia's back before she had a chance to stand. Cushioning indeed.

            "It's more fun this way."

            And what was this she was so intently staring at? It looked like a giant jewel encrusted.. raisin?

            Time for grabby grabby hands.

            • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
              Queen Malicia of St. Canard

              His back turned toward her allowed a pristine moment of silent strangling motions in his direction. No, no... restrain yourself, Malicia. Keep your gorgeous eyes on the prize. 

              She would allow Negaduck to putz around and admire the more impressive-looking objects in the room. After all, he could only rely on appearance alone whereas she, the humble yet brilliantly talented sorceress, could actually sense which objects were brimming with powerful magical energy. 

              She began in a counter-clockwise motion around the room, stopping to inspect each artifact behind their glass case.  An old, rusty cauldron? Certainly had some residual magic, but nothing worthwhile. A century-old voodoo doll: Adorable, but just a trinket. The jewel-encrusted athame looked promising, she would place that on the lower end of her 'to swipe list'.

              Then she stopped dead in her tracks. That energy. It was... immense. Where was it coming from?! Scanning the room intently, her eyes settled on the object in question. Her eyes widened.

              It was rounded and shiny, its pitch black surface was brimming with 2000-years worth of mystical magical energy. It was...

              A plug. Of the rear insertion variety. Crafted from pure Obsidian. 

              She faltered. 

              Why. Whhhhhhy. 

              Slowly approaching the case, her eyes swept over the information engraved on the plaque: Made during the Great Han Dynasty, Obsidian was among the most valued rock at the time. This ceremonial object was said to seal in one's life force, granting the user immeasurable power.

              Oh for Hades' Sake.

              • Negaduck
                Negaduck

                "I like where your mind is going..."

                Behind, Negaduck had clearly been busy raiding the other displays, adorning himself with the spoils. An oversized crown, Mysterious Gloves of Mystery (tm), various chains and artefacts of ancient and sacred origin. 

                Hey, easier than throwing them in the sack. Blingier too. 

                "Need a hand?"

                A finger traced over the line of her curves, pointing to exactly where his mind was going, before SLAP! With a single open palmed strike to the case, its locks snapped open. 

                Show off. 

                • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                  Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                  "Are.... are you going to touch it?" Because I'm not so sure I want to. 

                  "This artifact is emanating the most powerful energy in the building. It is beyond incomprehensible what level of sorcery could be achieved with its....... usage. I have never seen anything like it." 

                  THE ENERGY I MEAN.

                  She circled the obsidian plug, staring at the flared base pensively.

                  Does it need to be worn for the magic to work or. 

                   

                  • Negaduck
                    Negaduck

                    It. It was a rock. 

                    It was an oddly shaped rock, but it was still a rock.

                    If Malicia was that into it though, he could work with that.

                    "Oooo yes, what mystical powers could this thing possibly unlock." Finger wiggle. "How about you bend over and we find out?"

                    Swipe. Now to find some embalming fluid.

                    • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                      Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                      Snap. There went the final remains of her patience.

                      Negaduck would suddenly find himself face-first on the floor, her clawed foot planted firmly in his back. The plug wrenched from his hands was now being thrust into his tail-fathers. Or at least that was the plan. The receiver was putting up a good fight.

                      All the while, the woman responsible for this degenerate scene was barking maniacally. "'BEND OVER' HE SAYS. YOU WANT TO FIND OUT DO YOU? LET'S FIND OUT. OPEN WIDE, BOY."

                      • Quiverwing Duck
                        Quiverwing Duck

                        "You know," said a voice from up above. "If I'd realized this was the sort of in flagrante delicto I would have to witness with my own eyes, I would have elected to go thwart a bank robbery on the other side of town."


                        When Quiverwing Duck had arrived and availed himself of the rope so helpfully dangling from the museum's skylight, he was prepared to tell the miscreants to surrender immediately. He was not prepared for whatever this was.


                        The masked hero still had his bow on his back, because his free arm was gripping the rope; the other arm was in some sort of brace, apparently out of commission. In a sweet, helpful voice, he said, "Miss, in case you were wondering, that fellow isn't Darkwing Duck, either. Speaking of which... you," his shook his head as he eyed Negaduck. "What would dearly departed Bertha think? You certainly moved on from her, quickly enough."

                        • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                          Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                          Pausing to locate the source of the voice she nearly had a panic attack for the split-second she thought Darkwing had found them.

                          "Oh." A sigh of relief. "It's just you.

                          Still standing half-on top of Negaduck, she turned to face the newcomer, gripping the ceremonial object in her hands, which seemed to point itself dangerously in Quiverwing's direction. 

                          Her eyes widened and she glanced back at Negaduck. "What happened to Bertha?"

                          Because even -I- know the names of Negaduck's weapons and just how deep that rabbit hole goes. 

                          • Negaduck
                            Negaduck

                            All that rage and indignation that had been mounting during the assault had a new target. Joy.

                            Malicia was shoved aside and the stone ripped from her claws as Negaduck burst up off the floor like an abused volcano, voice already hoarse from yelling.  

                            "You're going to wish you ended up in that acid, you floof-hatted flounce!" 

                            Launching into a pursuit of the dangling drake, even if it meant yanking the rope clean out of its anchor, the obsidian inserter wielded wildly.

                            "COME 'ERE."

                            Biting, in retrospect, seemed preferable.

                            • Quiverwing Duck
                              Quiverwing Duck

                              "Yes, dear lady, it's just me." Quiverwing hooked his elbow around the rope so he could doff his plumed hat to Malicia. He jammed it back onto his head quickly enough, though, when Negaduck all but exploded in fury.


                              Being a one-armed rope climber was challenging enough. Being a one-armed archer climbing a rope was, perhaps, needlessly complicated. Quiverwing hooked his leg around the rope and as he dropped backwards to dangle upside-down, he smoothly grabbed his bow and an arrow from his back with his good arm.


                              The arrow was deftly nocked one-handed and he bit onto a tab fitted on the bowstring, drawing his bow by extending the arm holding it. When he opened his beak, the arrow fired, aimed at Negaduck's face. This was not as dire an action as it might seem, as the projectile in question was not pointed, but instead tipped with a canister designed to burst into a gooey glue trap on contact.

                              • Negaduck
                                Negaduck

                                Impressive acrobatics, even had he two arms, but Negaduck had the advantage of solid ground and a slimy ability to dodge even the slickest shots.

                                WHOOSH! went the arrow over his head. SPLORT! went the glue trap. CRASH! came down the rope. And STAB! went the maniac with the assinine artefact.

                                Or he would, as soon as he could catch the blighted buttinksy.

                                • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                                  Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                                  Malicia couldn't stifle the girlish giggle that escaped from her mouth. He was such a gentleduck. 

                                  Choosing to stand back and let her partner in crime do the heavy lifting, she started in conversationally. "I take it you and Negaduck have already been well acquainted, if your arm is any indication." 

                                  Stepping aside to avoid the white gooey mess that risked splattering across her chest, she continued.

                                  "Well, it seems as though your injury has not slowed you down. You are very talented with your mouth." 

                                  • Quiverwing Duck
                                    Quiverwing Duck

                                    Quiverwing was starting to realize, in hindsight, that it had not been a great idea to fan the flames of Negaduck's anger so soon. In order to not suffer two broken arms, or a broken neck for that matter, he had to drop his bow to ensure a controlled landing. This would have been an easy maneuver, if not for the psychotic duck practically on top of him and ready to--ready to...?


                                    Not particularly eager to find out, Quiverwing rolled aside and pushed up from the floor so he could handspring to his feet. He landed running, his green cape and white hat plume streaming behind him. He'll just scoop up his bow if he can manage to double back.


                                    Fleeing from a furious Negaduck did not stop the masked vigilante from responding to Malicia, however. He called out to her, "Madam, modesty forbids me from extolling the virtues of my own beak."

                                    • Negaduck
                                      Negaduck

                                      Around and round the exhibits they went, the hero always just managing to keep out of reach. With Negaduck fuelled by fury, this did not necessarily equate to any slowing down.

                                      "I'll extoll your face in a second!"

                                      Since when did he need sense to threaten? Scooping up another display, a green orb, Negaduck hurled it on the fly at his target.

                                      Destroying Quiverwing and priceless pieces of history while he was at it? Always a bonus. 

                                      To Malicia, however, he snapped, "What're you standing around for?" Aside from trying to make a mallard hurl twice in one night. "You want him free to go blathering to your boyfriend? Smoosh him!"

                                      Put some of that superstrength to actual, non-mortifying use.

                                      • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                                        Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                                        Malicia furrowed her brow, as though now was the time for her to suddenly experience a moral quandary.

                                        "I don't know, he seems the quiet type who likes to stay out people's personal business. Surely he won't feel a need to educate Darkwing about what he witnessed on this fateful night." Because the exact description was surely not something any of them would choose to ponder on for too long. 

                                        It was at this point it had also become obvious Malicia hadn't been standing still. She had picked up all of the shiny artifacts Negaduck had dropped during his insta-rage and was placing them into her enchanted bottomless sack.

                                        My, what a convenient distraction you two have both provided me.

                                        "I'll leave you two to it." She waved dismissively, heading for the exit. 

                                        • Quiverwing Duck
                                          Quiverwing Duck

                                          Well, enough of this being chased around a room by a tireless and enraged sociopath bent on your murder. Quiverwing ran straight for the wall, glancing back over his shoulder in time to see the incoming green artifact. The drake suddenly leapt forward as he flung his good arm out, letting the orb slap into his gloved palm.


                                          Tucking into a tight flip that carried some of the ball's momentum along, his feet hit the wall with a 'thwap' and he sprang into reverse in a high backflip over Negaduck. While still in mid-air, the masked hero called out to Malicia, "Leaving, and without even a fond farewell? You've broken my heart."


                                          When he landed, the orb got plunked onto the nearest plinth. If Negaduck was going to continue to be this relentless, Quiverwing was never going to get another arrow fired; he had to go with his contingency plan.


                                          Reaching behind his back and beneath his cape, Quiverwing drew out a pistol. In size, shape, and color, it looked suspiciously like one of Darkwing Duck's gas guns, although the design aesthetic was different. He gave it a showy trigger twirl around his index finger and aimed it at Negaduck.

                                          • Negaduck
                                            Negaduck

                                            The orb, more fragile than it looked, wobbled and shattered against the floor, unleashing a dozen howling ghosts.. of television network censors?

                                            'pooOOOOooooo!' they wailed before disappearing into the ether. 

                                            Distracting enough for Negaduck to miss his target's sudden change of direction, and end up face to face with that bastard child of a gas gun.

                                            Nice twirl. Nice enough, in fact, it gave the villain chance to smile.

                                            And match it with a doom-enhanced bazooka.

                                            You show me yours, I'll show you mine...

                                            • Quiverwing Duck
                                              Quiverwing Duck

                                              The normally neutral expression on Quiverwing's face had been replaced with a narrow-eyed grin that would be described as 'sinister' if it were on a villain rather than a hero.


                                              There was no hesitation nor quip from Quiverwing, the moment his gun was aimed at Negaduck, he fired it. As it turned out, it was an actual gas gun because it launched one of those painful ballistic canisters, puffing out a localized burst of tear-gas. As soon as the projectile left the gun, he tossed the firearm up into the air, and dived forward at Negaduck as he reached back into his quiver.


                                              While in mid air he flung the arrow he'd grabbed, another of those glue-bombs, aiming it for the mouth of that impressive bazooka. The masked vigilante hit the floor in a tight roll and landed in a one-knee crouch with his good hand upraised just in time to catch his falling gas gun. He gave it a quick trigger-twirl to re-seat the grip in his palm and then his arm scythed towards Negaduck's side in a pistol-whip attack.

                                              • Darkwing Duck
                                                Darkwing Duck

                                                MEANWHILE...

                                                "Hey!" Darkwing yelped as he ducked another purse-swipe from an elderly woman.  "What do you have in that thing, bowling balls?"  He had already suffered at least two blows and numerous jabs from canes as it seemed the entire geriatric community at the Golden Oaks Retirement Home had come banding together to rid themselves of the masked bandit who had intruded on their Autumn Social.

                                                As they descended on him in all of their elderly horror, he barely managed to crawl out of the frenzied fray.

                                                "Look!" he gasped, pointing to the other end of the auditorium.  "It's Lark Gable!"

                                                Instantly the mass froze and then moved - er, shuffled? - away, and Darkwing wasted no time with the chance to take his leave.  Or so he thought.

                                                Just when he thought he was home free, he ran headlong into a tall, burly staff member who frowned down at him and cracked his knuckles.  "Frankly, 'Darkwing,' I don't give a damn."

                                                The hero was going to see stars for a week.

                                                What was UP with this city?  Or, for that matter, his equipment?  First the animal adoption fair that was supposedly a jewelry heist.  Then a Girl Scout camp that was reported as a kidnapping, followed by a soccer game that was a bomb threat.  Now this...  He wasn't sure his bones could take much more of a beating today.  Those Girl Scouts had been ruthless.

                                                • Negaduck
                                                  Negaduck

                                                  Speaking of ruthless...

                                                  Mirror image all the way, Negaduck squeezed the trigger at precisely the same time as Quiverwing. With all that moment, however, the round zoomed past and exploded harmlessly at the base of a statue, prior to the muzzle being plugged. 

                                                  Harmlessly. Coming back to that later.

                                                  First and foremost, however, the canister erupted against the wall and captured the crook in its cloud. Of all the noxious substances, why couldn't tear gas be one of those he was accustomed to?!

                                                  "You stinking hack hack hack..."

                                                  Encouraged by the blow to the guts, he fumbled out of the smoke and fell against an orb-less plinth. Even through watery eyes, it did not take him long to spy one of the few items Malicia had missed atop its stony surface: the athame. 

                                                  That could come in handy. Much easier to insert...

                                                  • Quiverwing Duck
                                                    Quiverwing Duck

                                                    Quiverwing rolled aside to get away from the spreading tear gas cloud and sprang to his feet. He tossed his gas gun up in the air again to free his hand, which darted behind his back to grab another cartridge. That gets slapped into the gun as it falls, the action bouncing it back into the air so he could catch it properly by the grip.


                                                    One-handed gas gun reloading might be cumbersome, but it was slightly quicker than a one-armed bow draw. The question was whether it was quick enough to be effective during an extended fight. Oh, well. When in doubt, taunt.


                                                    "Hm, I wonder, did you disable the security cameras?" Quiverwing asks with a modicum of levity, as he fired at Negaduck again. This time it was not a gas cartridge, but rather a compressed tangle net that expands as it flies at the supervillain. "If not, someone is bound to enjoy the footage of what you lovebirds were up to when I dropped in."

                                                    • Negaduck
                                                      Negaduck

                                                      Fingers curled around the blackened handle.

                                                      "Well then..."

                                                      Whipping around to face the expanding net, athame first.

                                                      "Let's give them a show to remember!"

                                                      The second the cord hit the blade, it dissolved on contact in a outwards ripple of bubbling black flame, like a Christmas tree wrapped in det cord.

                                                      Oh right, totally knew it was going to do that. 

                                                      Not one to look a gift knife in the.. steel, however, Negaduck pressed on. Straight to pressing the edge against Quiverwing's jugular.

                                                      "What kind of fool are you," growled as the pressure increased, an attempt to force the other back, although exploding on contact would have been a fine alternative. "To think you could stop me, single handed and single armed?"