The Bride & The Pirate

Reserved for: Negaduck, Malicia


Upon discovery that the fair Duchess Macawber is a maiden no more, her enraged father has rushed her into an arranged marriage with a Commodore of the Navy. And so, with no say of her own, the Duchess finds herself loaded onto one of the finest vessels money can buy, with her dowry (a multitude of fine gold and jewels) to meet her fiance and wed him. 

A large, expensive ship carrying large expensive treasure... what could possibly go wrong?

    • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
      Queen Malicia of St. Canard

      This was not how it was supposed to go.

      Seated at the front of the ship beneath a parasol, face permanently fixed in a scowl, the Duchess smoothed down the fringe of her white wedding dress.

      The white dress that, her father had reminded her, she did not deserve. That she had spurned through her foolishness and weakness. But he had made sure to 'fix' that problem, like he did all problems: By making them go away.

      This time, she was the problem.

      That was why as soon as she stepped off this ship, she would be guided straight to her own wedding, down the aisle, where she would say her vows to a mallard she had never laid eyes on before. She knew nothing about her future husband, although her father had assured her he was of a respectable, high ranking.

      Funny how, not too long ago, that would have pleased her immensely. She was all about high-class men, and had longed for a husband to call her own. Yet, now, she felt disappointment swell in her heart. Or perhaps that was her bodice, which poked her in the ribs each time the ship hit a rough patch of seas. 

      This... this was all his fault, she told herself. If she ever saw that filthy, blaggard of a pirate again....

      • Pretty Girl NegaChan
        Pretty Girl NegaChan

        Why, it was if her very thoughts had summoning powers. They managed to summon fog, at least. 

        A thick, unnatural fog, slow moving enough as to not cause any alarm, even when it engulfed one of the escort vessels. Then the other. 

        What was mildly more concerning was when they did not appear out the other side. 

        Little time to ponder that, however, before the darkness swallowed the bridal vessel. 

        From nowhere it came. As in the eye of a hurricane, when it came clear enough to see beyond a sword length, they would be faced with the most fearsome sight to ever curse the seas. 

        An icecream ship. 

        Except it did not look like an icecream ship, oh no. It was an otherworldly warship that had appeared alongside, flying black flags. 


        They had swung abroad faster than locusts if locusts used ropes. 

        "Avast," said their blacked caped leader, "You have been board by-- erlk, carnations?!"   

        Clearly Negaduck had not meant to introduce himself as clove pink flowers, but when confronted with realms of wedding decor, he couldn't help but gag. 

        • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
          Queen Malicia of St. Canard

          As soon as the fog had rolled in, Malicia was ushered inside her cabin -- wouldn't want to ruin her hair on the Big Day, after all. Sitting in silence, she thrummed her fingers against an ornate wooden table and contemplated the existence of life. Or perhaps, more appropriate for Malicia-levels of preponderance, whether her husband-to-be would be an adequate lover.

          Outside, the dreaded Pirate Carnation Negaduck would be greeted by five Navy Lieutenants, who instinctively drew their scabbards. The head of the group scowled at Negaduck. "You are long due for your trip to the Gallows, Pirate. Allow us to reunite you with your fate." 

          • Pretty Girl NegaChan
            Pretty Girl NegaChan

            A sight which may have been more intimidating had he not been flanked by the entirety of the Fearsome Four. 

            "You think you can defeat Negaduck?" Got to fit the third person in there somewhere. "You look rather washed up to me."

            The group, being trained in the art of pun attacks, knew exactly whose cue that was.  

            "Want to avoid being crushed into a watery death? Being swept out into the bottomless sea?"

            Liquidator reared up, his form stretching into a wave almost the height of the masts.

            "Don't delay, act now!"


            It was amazing the deck itself did not shatter under the immense force, but some bones and internal organs may have. 

            As the damage spread out before them, Negaduck lifted the troop leader's chin with the tip of his sword. 

            "You were saying?" 

            ((OOC: NPCing some of the Four but if any of their players wanna jump in, drop us a line!))


            • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
              Queen Malicia of St. Canard

              The four lieutenants were washed asunder, sending them in opposite directions. The leader, steadying himself on one knee, had been in the process of reaching for his weapon, but froze under Negaduck's sword.

              "Turn around Negaduck, there is nothing for you here." He spat. "This vessel carries the bride of Commodore Eisley Featherton the 3rd. He is one of the most well-renowned Pirate Hunters in the Navy. Your disturbance here will only earn you great retribution from him."

              • Pretty Girl NegaChan
                Pretty Girl NegaChan

                "Oooo, I'm quaking in my cape."

                So edgy. Much like the blade, which he twisted against his target. 

                "Enough talk. Hand over the gold, or I shall show ye what it really means to be disturbed."

                And gleefully, too. 

                • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                  Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                  Outnumbered and outdone, the head lieutenant nodded and motioned to one of the cadets to fetch the chest. Gold and jewels could be replaced, after all. But there would be a price to pay, no doubt. Since the fierce Captain Negaduck was deaf to any threats however, he kept his mouth shut for the time being.

                  A few moments later four men reappeared on deck, each gripping the edge of a massive ornate chest. After much huffing, puffing, and shuffling, the bounty was dropped directly in front of Negaduck.

                  "There you are." Said the Head Lieutenant. "Now take your gold and be done with it."

                  • Pretty Girl NegaChan
                    Pretty Girl NegaChan

                    Never before had they seen such a chest! The timber could barely hold the weight of it. 

                    A cackle, this time from Megavolt. "A pleasure doing business with you!" Reaching down to hold the man's hand or shoulder - and sending a bolt of electricity through him. 

                    How anyone had managed such a feat before electricity was invented, the world shall never know. 

                    Meanwhile, port-side, Bushroot was wringing his hands. Er, leaves. "I h-h-hate this part."

                    Concentrating, he forced his viney arms to stretch out and grasp the mast of their own ship, creating a railway-like track which his piratey pals dumped the chest on. It whooshed along until it hit the sail and with a thud, landed on deck. 

                    "You are not the first and you won't be the last to be outwitted by the worst pirate on the seas!" declared Negaduck with a rare lack of irony, before they swung back across, and disappeared with the fog. 


                    A safe distance from naval guns later, the pirates gathered to inspect the booty. 

                    "Will it be all gold?"


                    Gasp! "Icecream?!"

                    "Shut yer bilge holes!" The Captain's temper flared and eased again at the hand-rubbingly good temptation of treasure. "Only one way to find out."

                    And with a click, he flicked open the lock. 

                    • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                      Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                      And there, piled high in the chest, shining bright and yellow were...

                      ..... Bananas. Lots and lots of bananas. And a few pineapples. A Kumquat. Some Kiwis. 

                      Mmm-mm, what's a wedding without fresh catering?


                      Back on the ship, Head Lieutenant Barker, still frizzled and tattered from Megavolt's departure gift, had summoned his crew, 

                      "Prepare yourselves men, once they open that chest, they are likely to return. We've bought ourselves little precious time. You there! Man the cannons! And you, stand guard at the Duchess' quarters, she is to be protected at all times. 

                      "What is going on out here?!"

                      The Duchess' shrill voice had stopped all bustling and movement.

                      "My Lady." Lieutenant Barker rushed to her side. "You cannot be here. We've encountered a small... pirate problem. You are to stay below deck, where it's safe. An envoy has already been sent ahead to warn the Commodore, but it is likely back-up will not be here any time soon."

                      "Pirates." She spat. "I expect you will cut them down forthright."

                      "We can and we shall." Barker reassured her. "They caught us by surprise the first time, but now we know they are here, and we are prepared to strike as soon as they show their greedy heads once more."

                      • Pretty Girl NegaChan
                        Pretty Girl NegaChan

                        Back on the pirate ship, the discovery had not been taken well. 

                        "It wasn't my fault!" Megavolt protested like his life depended on it, and probably did. "It's Bushy's job to check the haul!"

                        "Is not you lilly-leafed liar!"

                        "Is too!"

                        "Is not!"

                        "Yuh uh!"

                        "Nuh uh!"

                        "QUIET." The urge to maim had been overwhelming for their captain, but as his crew proved too elusive, or simply too irrating, it became clear what the true target should be. "As much flying your worthless bodies as my flag would bring me satisfaction, it would not bring me the gold. Bring her around."

                        Fist thumped onto the balustrade as he scanned the new horizon. "Nobody makes a fool of Negaduck."

                        And nobody could tell him otherwise. 

                        • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                          Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                          "Lieutenant Barker! The pirate vessel approaches!" Shouted somewhere from the crow's nest above.

                          "Man your positions!" Barker unsheathed his scabbard, gripping it tightly. He would not allow Negaduck to get the upper-hand this time.

                          "Fire the cannons as soon as they are in range!"

                          "Firing the cannons!" 

                          The fuse was lit, ears plugged with fingers, and canon balls were sent sailing in the pirate's direction.

                          Below deck, the Duchess winced at each explosion. It thundered loudly overhead, giving her a terrible headache. "Pirates, bah." She rumbled lowly to herself. Yet, her heart was thumping loudly against her ribs, and a general unease had washed over her. She was tempted to journey above, to get a glimpse at the flag, to see if there might be a familiar invader...

                          • Pretty Girl NegaChan
                            Pretty Girl NegaChan

                            That was quite a pounding. Balls slapped into the poop deck, one took out part of the fore mast, and another straight through the Liquidator (which as it happened, extinguished the fuse, before it collided painfully with one of his other crewmates). No critical hit, however. 

                            Negaduck did not flinch. Now, it was their turn. 


                            Which unleashed a hell fire of.. fruit?

                            Bunches of those thoughtfully delivered bananas, pineapple and tightly packed kiwi, calibrated to plug up the opposing guns. 

                            Couldn't be destroying that ship, after all. Not yet. 

                            • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                              Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                              A pineapple had lodged itself deep within the orifice of one cannon, which, in an untimely manner had been lit. There was an explosion, sending its operator flying backwards, and the cannon itself, clogged in the front, had nowhere else for the ball to go other than backwards.

                              A few bananas had landed on the deck where the harried men stepped upon them, sliding forward and falling overboard.

                              "This is ludicrous." Lieutenant Barker snarled. "We're being bested by a flying fruit salad! Men, unclog those cannons and-- GAH." He was slammed in the face by a watermelon which exploded on impact, causing him to reel backward. 

                              • Pretty Girl NegaChan
                                Pretty Girl NegaChan

                                Time for the cocktail party! No, waiting, the boarding party. 

                                The cocktail party could come later. 

                                Taking advantage of the chaos, the pirates swung abroad. Again. 

                                "Give no quarter," snarled Negaduck as the fighting commenced. The clang of steel, the shatter of bones, the.. squelch of fruit?

                                After a while, and a headbutt or two of guards who had their eye sockets momentarily crammed with kiwis, Negaduck looked over his shoulder, "Hold them off, lads."

                                Shouldering through the door to below deck. 

                                "I'm going to hunt down this gold that is apparently so hard to deliver."

                                One, because it could not trust his men not to blunder such a task and two, if it came to grabbing handfuls of gold and abandoning ship, it was going to be his pockets that were lined. 

                                • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                                  Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                                  Downstairs, armed guards stood side by side, blocking one particular door -- clearly they were tasked with protecting something of great value. They raised their swords as soon as Negaduck came into sight.

                                  "You will not step through here, Pirate! We will strike you down where you stand!" One of the men charged at the Pirate Captain, sword pointed straight forward like a jouster without a horse. 

                                  • Pretty Girl NegaChan
                                    Pretty Girl NegaChan

                                    What navy would guard an empty room?

                                    At the challenge, Negaduck shifted his weight onto one hip, or peg, and cast his black gaze over the two. 

                                    "Well, if I'm to die then, I shall enjoy one last taste of 'treasure'."

                                    Withdrawing the deadliest of weapons from his cape. An apple. 

                                    Taking a most deliberate bite, then, holding their stare, lobbed it lazily above their heads. 

                                    In the second of inevitable skyward distraction, with one smooth movement, he slit both their throats. 

                                    -or knocked them out cold. Whatever version of the story you prefer. 

                                    "As they say, an apple a day keeps the reaper at bay." 

                                    Lifting the keys from one of his victims, Negaduck creaked open the door. 

                                    Hopefully to a sight more desirable than fruit. 

                                    • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                                      Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                                      As soon as he had stepped inside the room, the door would be kicked back, and from behind it a candle-holder was swung at Negaduck's head.

                                      "Away with you, pestilent scourge of the sea!" The Duchess paused, mid-swing. 

                                      Her eyes widened, as though she were facing a ghost. More probable, a ghost of the past. Her arms grew limp and her make-shift weapon fell to the floor with a noisy clang. Woozily, she backed away.

                                      "Captain Negaduck." She breathed. 

                                      She charged forward and struck him across the face. 

                                      Followed by a surprisingly forceful yank by the lapels, her bill pressing against his in a deep kiss. 

                                      • Pretty Girl NegaChan
                                        Pretty Girl NegaChan

                                        If the blow across the face did not daze him, the follow-up sure did. 

                                        Not the worst greeting he had faced, that was for sure.

                                        "Duchess?" Cogs slowly turning as they parted. "What.. what have you done with the bride?"

                                        Because none of this makes any sense. 

                                        • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                                          Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                                          "I am the Bride, and you are to blame." She scowled, yet ran her fingers over his shoulders and down his cape gently.

                                          "My father... discovered I was no longer a maiden, and hastily arranged a marriage for me. I am to be wed this Noonday to the Commodore."

                                          She tilted her head thoughtfully. "You've come for my dowry, I see." Even she was not so foolish as to think the greedy Negaduck had swooped in solely for her benefit.  

                                          • Pretty Girl NegaChan
                                            Pretty Girl NegaChan

                                            "What, would you have me come for you instead?"

                                            A dark laugh for a few reasons, mostly because that sounded like a big, festering heap of not-his-problem. 

                                            "Consider it a favour. If this impending wedlock has you so despondent, perhaps without your precious dowry he will call it off!"

                                            Now, where was that dowry? Wasn't like he had time to spare for idle womanly chatter!

                                            • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                                              Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                                              "Perhaps, but I think not." Evidently not in the mood for his filthy mindset.  

                                              "Come, I will show you what you desire." Taking him by the hand, she led him down the hall, stepping gingerly over the unconscious guards, toward another room that seemed rather innocuous.  

                                              As soon as she opened the door, they were blinded by the sheen of gold galleons, red rubies, ornamental pearls of all sizes, all of which spilled over the chest. It was, without a doubt a very generous dowry. Some might even say perhaps too generous, almost as though it were a consolation. 

                                              How Captain Negaduck was going to carry all that bounty out of the door remained to be seen. 

                                              • Pretty Girl NegaChan
                                                Pretty Girl NegaChan

                                                Like a starving raccoon at a bin of molding hotdogs, how his eyes lit up. He dived for it, yearning to feel the cold, lifeless touch slip through his fingers. 

                                                "Yes..." What a hypnotic clinking the treasures made. "This be a fine start."

                                                Dragon-like impulses temporarily sated, he stood. The battle above seemed to have died off, and from the general carry-on the result was apparently on the side of the pirates. Convenient. 

                                                "I'll get those scum sacks." For the heavy hauling, obviously. "At least two of them will be glad for non-plant takings."

                                                • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                                                  Queen Malicia of St. Canard


                                                  She took him by the arm and spun him around to face her. Then proceeded to inspect his face, running her hands over his cheeks, cupping his chin. Gazing into his eyes. She frowned. 

                                                  "There's something different about you." 

                                                  Something I don't quite like. What is it?


                                                  • Pretty Girl NegaChan
                                                    Pretty Girl NegaChan

                                                    Uh. Yipe?

                                                    Gruffness. That was always a good cover. Wrenching himself out of her grip, keen to get on with business. 

                                                    "So I applied an extra layer of puppy tears today. What of it."

                                                    Not actually expecting an answer so much as a moving out the way. How did she expect him to get anything done with those hips blocking the doorway?

                                                    • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                                                      Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                                                      "It's your.... energy." She struggled to find the correct word. One had to be careful when talking of such things, lest it stray too far into darker territory. The occult was not to be spoken of, even in hushed tones. This she knew.

                                                      But as much as she had been trained to suppress her family's dark secret, she knew when the supernatural was abound. It hung in the air, lingering like a putrid aroma. 

                                                      She planted herself firmly in the doorway, unwilling to move.  

                                                      "It's different. Intermingled with something unnatural." She narrowed her eyes. Just what was he dabbling with?