RP: Hocus NegaPocus

Reserved for: Negaduck, Malicia

It was a regular, low-key night in St. Canard. Villains were villaining, heroes were warding them off, and over in the warehouse district on the bayside piers, a supernatural exchange was well underway...

"Five greater-souls? For this? Are you out of yer tree?! Ain't no hex worth that much, darlin'!" A stubby gnome screeched up at the amazonian figure that was Malicia Macawber.

"Did I stutter?" The demonness crossed her arms. "My cursed kazoos are top quality, and I dare you to find one elsewhere that comes remotely close to my handiwork."

"Hrmph... I'll give you Three souls at most. An' that's me bein' generous."

"Four souls and no less! My hexes are guaranteed to run undetected by the the Enforcers, or you get a refund."

"A refund, hah?" The creature stroked one of his long, warty ears. "You drive a hard bargain, Macawber. But I'll take it if it means keeping those creaky old farts outta my business." Digging out a small coin-purse, he handed the demonness four glowing orbs.

"I assure you it'll be well worth the price." Mal snapped her fingers, and the kazoo in question was wrapped neatly in a small bag and handed over.

"Right, right..." The gnome glanced around. "What's with the new location? This a Normal city, ain't it? Can't be getting much business all the way out here, can ye?" 

"It has its perks, I assure you. Normals are, at large, an ignorant lot. And mostly harmless." Keyword: Mostly.

"Right, well... best of luck to ye then. I'll let the others know bout yer new storefront. Ever since those blaggard Enforcers raided the Market back home we been needing more stores."

"Mhmm... I've no doubt. Take care then." 

Parting ways, Malicia took a moment to count her newly-acquired currency. She had hiked up the price substantially, all thanks to the lack of competition. The money was flowing in quite nicely, and she had little to no setbacks to deal with. 

It was time for a celebratory drink, she decided. 

    • Negaduck
      Negaduck

      Around a corner, over a crate and through a bending set of binoculars, a black masked eye narrowed.

      "So, bargaining with the black market, huh?" Negaduck could never help a round of pre-sneak soliloquising. "A woman of my own heart."

      Spoken with the sort of snide contempt the very concept deserved.

      "Then she won't mind me sampling some of the goods!"

      Zip, zip-zip, from shadow to shadow, until he arrived at the warehouse wall.

      Now, what vulnerabilities could he spy?

      • Malicia Macawber
        Malicia Macawber

        Well there was the door. But surely nobody would be foolish enough to wander into her territory, and risk immolation...

        Mal had even left the door ajar as she returned inside, settling down in the living room to pour herself a drink or five.

        "To another evening of successful sales." She clinked two wine glasses together and gulped them back at once.

         

        • Negaduck
          Negaduck

          Well, that was easy.

          In he slipped.

          To be faced with a sight that even gave the great Negaduck pause.

          "Woah, momma..."

          • Malicia Macawber
            Malicia Macawber

            Behind the doors of the conjoined warehouse lay a magical menagerie that most could not comprehend the mere existence of.  

            There were floating wieners in a cage that, if Negaduck passed by too closely, would reveal layers of spiky leech-like teeth that threatened to latch on to any loose clothing. 

            Rows of shelves were filled with odd concoctions -- bubbling brews, colourful smoke, hissing and snarling sounds, tentacles, wriggling books that had been padlocked shut and wrapped tightly in chains.

            Behind glass windows were everyday-looking objects: Soccer balls, mittens, collars, hats, and more of those kazoos that Negaduck had witnessed earlier. 

            There was a rustling noise, and a flock of winged-eyeballs fluttered past Negaduck, circling him curiously for a moment, their great big irises staring intently. 

             

            • Negaduck
              Negaduck

              Like a Disneyland of destruction!

              "This place is another level... even for a Macawber."

              Attention moving from what appeared to be a crate of levitating penguin massagers to his winged observers.

              "Hey, who'd you think you're eyeballing?"

              A solid jab in one to make his point. Assuming that got the message across, he was onto better - or worse things.

              Like that mysterious vial encircled in mysterious runes with mysterious messages like 'DO NOT DRINK'.

              Drawn, naturally, he squinted through the case to read the label. 

              "Make people scream and run at the sight of you."

              An effect Negaduck already experienced non-magically, but who didn't love more screaming?

              "Got to get me some of that!" 

              And breaking open the cabinet and the seal, and downed the entire bottle. Wise.

              • Malicia Macawber
                Malicia Macawber

                The sound of approaching footsteps would hopefully reach Negaduck's ears before Malicia threw open the door and stepped into warehouse. 

                "Now where was it..." She was muttering absentmindedly to herself as she stopped at a particular shelf and began thumbing through various knick-knacks. 

                • Negaduck
                  Negaduck

                  He felt.. different. 

                  Huge. Good. 

                  With a huge jaw to boot. Very good. 

                  Despite his clearly heightened view point, however, it somehow felt as though he was lying down. What were his legs doing?

                  No time to figure that out, as Malicia had returned. He hid instinctively in the only way he could think of in his current state. 

                  By freezing like a statue. 

                  Hopefully the demoness would simply not notice, against one of her walls, the enormous great white Nega-shark pretending to be an Egyptian. 

                  • Malicia Macawber
                    Malicia Macawber

                    She was humming absentmindedly under her breath (something that sounded oddly to the tune of Lady Gaga) as she picked up a few more items. Only to round the corner where Negashark had struck a pose. 

                    She gasped in shock and nearly dropped the vials and herbs bundled in her arms.

                    "Oh. My. Hades." 

                    It couldn't be...

                    "Is that a split strand?!" 

                    Stopping to gaze at herself in the full-length mirror directly next to Negashark, she pouted in dismay. This was a disaster! Every piece of her hair was meant to be flawless, just like she was.

                    She set down the pile of items and proceeded to fuss at herself in the mirror, running her claws through her hair, grasping the offending folicle between her thumb and fore-finger and heating it up until the split portion separated. 

                    Then it was time for a few more hours minutes of primping her feathers and blowing a kiss to herself in the mirror.

                    "I'm so beautiful it almost hurts." 

                    • Negaduck
                      Negaduck

                      Why. Why did she have to be so.. so.. so biteable? Right next to him?

                      For all her mindblowingly unbelievable vanity, however, it was more than matched by Negaduck's own, uh, willpower. 

                      ...

                      Ah screw it. 

                      CHOMP!!

                      • Malicia Macawber
                        Malicia Macawber

                        "AIYEEEEE!"

                        She turned around to glare at the shark that had latched itself to her rear end. 

                        "You weren't due for inventory until next week!" She boomed. "How did you get here?"

                        And why does your gaudy outfit look so familiar?

                        • Negaduck
                          Negaduck

                          Should've known even the bus-sized monster he apparently had become would not be able to take out that tail with one bite.

                          Didn't mean he couldn't take another.

                          CHOMP! And a miss. Perhaps Negaduck still needed a few moments to grow into it. Har har. 

                           

                          "Why," Lining up on her again, no misses this time. "After all those hogties and glitter faceshots, I assumed you wanted to be chummy!"

                          To emphasise exactly the type of chum, those jaws came down on her again like a moment of horrid realisation.

                          C.H.O.M.P!

                          • Malicia Macawber
                            Malicia Macawber

                            Thwack!

                            "I should've known it was you!" She barked, raising her hand to give him another duckubus-sized smack. She couldn't mistake that low, gravelly voice. Somehow, this mishap inventory was Negaduck, in the flesh... or fish.

                            That's when she spied the empty bottle on the ground.

                            "You drank my fear elixir?! ... You truly are a combination of brave and stupid, aren't you?"

                            • Negaduck
                              Negaduck

                              Says the peddler who left their front door open. In St Canard

                              He was too busy reeling from the smackdown to throw it back at her though. Woman had quite the arm on her. 

                              It wouldn't be staying there though if he got his teeth around it!

                              "Pah, some elixir. I'm already the most feared blight upon this festering city!"

                              In lining up on her again, it was only then he spied his new form in the mirror. 

                              "But I am going to have fun with this. Starting with you-!"

                              Crunching down at Malicia, or more accurately, a feather's width to her left. Taking out, with one swift bite, the lower half of some shelves. 

                              Which started a domino effect on that line of shelves all down the warehouse. 

                              In a hotbed of dark magic, that was not going to be good. 

                              • Malicia Macawber
                                Malicia Macawber

                                "What th-- NO. DON'T DO THAT."

                                Too late. There was an explosion of pixie dust, followed up by the unleashing of tentacles which, unsurprisingly, were drawn to Mal like a magnet.

                                "NO. Bad!" She picked up a nearby witches' broom and whapped at the creature. "Back, I say! Back!" 

                                Meanwhile, the toads had gotten loose and had begun hopping across the floor, where they narrowly avoided the gaping maw of a venus flytrap. 

                                Left-eye twitching erratically (this tic, coincidentally had developed around the time she first met Negaduck) she turned on the Negashark, teeth gnashing together.

                                "WHY. DO. YOU. INSIST. ON. TORMENTING. ME."

                                 

                                • Negaduck
                                  Negaduck

                                  "What? I thought every woman is crazy for a shark dressed man."

                                  Hey she asked for torment. Torment clearly included puns.

                                  "As fun as this has been though, I have some terrorising to fin-ish."

                                  A gleam on the flooring, somewhere beneath the now flying toads and tentacles, caught his beady eyes. 

                                  Manhole cover. 

                                  One giant chomp, and it was forcibly renovated to accommodate his now much more substantial new girth. 

                                  "Sea you round, toots!"

                                  With a wriggling - that may have seen his tail swing to deliver a parting smack to Malicia's behind - the Negashark plunged into the deep of the city's waterways, and onto spooking its citizens.

                                  Leaving his regular costume behind though, as it peeled off him as he wiggled into the pipe. For all the physics that allowed a shark to fit down a drain, apparently a caped jacket and fedora was too much of a squeeze. 


                                  ((Insert all the many fun scenes of Negashark ambushes here! Good crimes, good times...)) 

                                  • Malicia Macawber
                                    Malicia Macawber

                                    She spun around to shake a fist. "I WILL CUT OUT YOUR TONGUE, YOU WILL NEVER PUN AGAIN!"

                                    Her words echoing down the manhole he had just escaped into.

                                    Welp.

                                    Not her problem now, right? 

                                    • Negaduck
                                      Negaduck

                                      ((Post the appearance at St Canard Pool))

                                      Could sharks sulk?

                                      Ones that turned up in old cans and bathtubs apparently could. 

                                      In 24 hours, he had gone from being the city's biggest underwater menace to its biggest tourist attraction. 

                                      Even little kids were posing in front of his enclosure like he was.. some sort of ridiculous cartoon character! The indignity! The outrage!

                                      He quickly discovered the foot thick glass was jaws proof, headbutt proof and generally shark proof. And even had he had his usual escape kit tucked away behind a gill, how was he meant to use it with these stupid fins?!

                                      As night fell and the crowds thinned, the shadow of the Negashark hung in the blue, with only schools of aquarium fish to glower at, and himself to blame. 

                                      ... haha yeah, that was never going to happen. 

                                      • Malicia Macawber
                                        Malicia Macawber

                                        "Well, well well..." A voice crooned.

                                        The silhouette in the doorway was leaning to one side, hand on her enormous hip. She stalked into the room, approaching the tank with a wolfish smile.

                                        "Don't you just look right at home." Malicia said sweetly. "Why, they even gave you some little fish friends to play with!"

                                        She leaned in, which resulted in her cleavage pressing against the glass. 

                                        "If only there was someone with the ability to reverse this spell and get you out of this mess..."

                                        • Negaduck
                                          Negaduck

                                          Just great. Perfect. Exactly what he needed. 

                                          If she thought it would be that easy to torment the great Negaduck, however, she had another thing coming.  

                                          "Bah! I don't need you."

                                          How his voice was able to be heard clearly through the tank, nobody will ever know.

                                          "The second this wears off, I'll be out of here faster than an eel in a bus full of Japanese schoolgirls."

                                          Did Malicia really think he'd mess with magic without an exit plan? What'd he look like, stupid?

                                          • Malicia Macawber
                                            Malicia Macawber

                                            "Mmhmm...'Wears off'. Whatever gave you that silly idea?" She tapped her bill.

                                            "I mean, if you want to risk waiting it out, that's your prerogative..." Shrug. 

                                            "Until then, you can enjoy the delightful company you're keeping. Why, I heard they're busing children from all of Calisota's surrounding schools tomorrow, and they're just so excited to see you! You're going to have so much fun, making their little faces light up and smile at the sight of you. Just what you've always wanted, right?"

                                             

                                            • Negaduck
                                              Negaduck

                                              Wasn't one of the first stages denial? Or for Negaduck was it simply various shades of anger?

                                              "What're you talking about?! Of course it'll wear off!" 

                                              Her quiet smugness at this point spoke volumes.

                                              "I mean, it has to! What kind of stupid, ill-considered concoction has no time expiry?"

                                              On second thoughts, maybe he should've read the bottle a little more closely.

                                              "If I have to hear one more giggle of 'ooo Jwimmy just wook at his big tweeth' I swear I'm going to... RGGHH!"

                                              A collection of kelp paid the price for his aggravation, torn to sea confetti in moments.

                                              It was not the same as a citizen. 

                                              Slowly, against the same glass he had nearly shattered his skull trying to break open all day, his gaze returned to Malicia. 

                                              "You.. can reverse this?"

                                              If hypothetically I was hypothetically asking. 

                                              • Malicia Macawber
                                                Malicia Macawber

                                                She reached into her cleavage and retrieved a vial, which bore the label 'ANTIDOTE' in large letters that even a shark could see. 

                                                "Easily." She bragged. "Why, if I were to just add this to your water tank, you'd be a back to your fluffy-tailed self in mere minutes."

                                                 

                                                • Negaduck
                                                  Negaduck

                                                  CRACK. 

                                                  Having not yet learned his lesson (on so many counts), he had powered reflexively into the glass.

                                                  Not that it did anything.

                                                  "So what're you waiting for?! Dump it in!"

                                                  And once I get my limbs back, I'll show this tank and your fluffy-imagining self what for. 

                                                  • Malicia Macawber
                                                    Malicia Macawber

                                                    The vial vanished back down the depths whence it came.

                                                    "Why would I ever do that for you??" She scoffed. "After you broke into my warehouse to steal my magical artifacts? Then trashed the place! Not to mention that little 'incident' where you led a soul-sucking demon into my home last week..." Oh yes, I haven't forgotten about that one.

                                                    "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just sit back and watch you turn to sushi!" 

                                                    • Negaduck
                                                      Negaduck

                                                      Ooohyeah. Dang it. 

                                                      "Heh.. come on now sweet thing, don't be like that."

                                                      Shark-like smiles were so much easier as an actual shark. 

                                                      "You wouldn't be here if there wasn't something in it for you."

                                                      Can see through you even easier than this glass. 

                                                      "So what's it going to be, hot stuff? Want to strike another.. business deal?"

                                                      Because that's what we call it this side of the morality spectrum.

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