RP: Opposites Attacked

((OOC: Continuing on from From Bad to Wurst. Will try to be good but may get nasty re sexual references/violence so assume 18+. Will recategorise on completion if not that extreme.))

As far as Negaduck was aware, Jacob Mallard was a snide little sneak of a SHUSH agent. He had conned his way through his portal for unclear motives, although knowing SHUSH, it was clearly something to do with a) getting into his city and messing his stuff up, just like Darkwing had done; or b) closing off the gateway so he could stop messing their stuff up. Neither was an outcome the maniacal mallard would tolerate.

Also, he hated his face. Couldn't explain why, but Negaduck hated a lot of things for no good reason, so didn't give it a lot of thought. 

It was a combination of these reasons, plus the need to really hurt something, that saw the crook make immediate preparations for Jacob's arrival the second the agent followed him into the (adult) bookstore. 

Preparations that involved ripping a wooden plank off the very walls.

With any luck, the older drake would shoot through the portal at exactly the right height to clothesline him across the throat. 

Gripping the wood, teeth bared, "Gonna nail you, knob."

.. because there were rusty nails poking out of the timber. No one appreciates genius these days. 

    • DarkwingPsycho

      Jacob shot through a whirl of blinding light.  He was barely aware that he was still clutching both the gun and his cane when he was vomited back into reality.  There was a flash of yellow, and instinctively, Jacob ducked to the side - which was a good thing, because he felt the sting of something sharp scrape across his cheek.

      "God dammit, boy!" he snarled.  The tip of his cane shot out to poke Negaduck sharply in the abdomen.  "What do you think you're doing?!"

      He felt the trickle of warm blood on his face from where the rusted nails had dug into his flesh.

      • Negaduck

        "You're on my turf now, gramps."

        One sharp kick to the legs, not Jacob's, but of a tall shelf, to send its contents atop his head. With any luck the agent would be, at least momentarily, covered by an avalache of.. rubber toys.

        "And if you thought you could just come over here and relieve yourself on my lawn-"

        Which hopefully bought him enough time to dive for the shotgun every Negastore owner had stashed behind the counter.

        "You're going to be dead wrong."

        An argument he would back up with both barrels. 

        • DarkwingPsycho

          Jacob fended off the onslaught of nighttime delights only to see Negaduck was now aiming a shotgun at him.  He immediately lifted his own gun and moved behind a display of adult movies.

          "I'm not here to 'relieve' myself of anything other than a vow," he replied to his foe's quips.  "You think I care about your petty reign here in this dump?  Have it."

          He fired his pistol up at a light fixture dangling above Negaduck's head, splitting the chain, and it plummeted right for the public enemy.

          • Negaduck

            BLAM! Another load discharged all over the photographic material.

            Which still left plenty of energy for scoffing at Jacob's explanations.

            "Do you really expect me to buy that?"

            The sight of the intruder's firearm should have prompted Negaduck to take cover himself - but stubborn much?

            "What do you think I am, stupi--" BONK!

            Stupid like a fox. 

            • DarkwingPsycho

              Seeing his chance, Jacob looked around for a side exit and thankfully found it paces away.  He made for it and as he went through a loud alarm started to blare.  Apparently it had been an emergency exit.

              The chill, stanky air that hit him as he walked through smelled of sewage and standing water.  The sky was cloudy with pollution, and what had been a restored part of downtown was dilapidated and overrun with litter.  Jacob didn't have time to stop and appreciate the differences with a crazed shotgun-toting mallard on his tail.

              He put as much space between them as quickly as he could, and was grateful the adrenaline didn't allow his leg to slow him down.  Then he ducked behind a burned and blackened vehicle to make certain his son's double hadn't followed him.

              • Negaduck

                By the time Negalamp had wrenched the black and lacy shade off his skull, there was no trace of his target. 

                Except, you know, the blazing alarm. 

                Dashing out the same way, he was met by the horrendous sight of.. nothing at all. 

                "Blast it!"

                How could a cripple move so fast?!

                Not even the stench in the air could lift his mood as Negaduck stomped off in a different direction. Passing two little tykes who stared, not so much in fear as in awe, at the shadow of their infamous leader.

                "Here." The smallest of the two, the girl, would suddenly find herself in posession of the shotgun, discarded without a thought. The words, she had none, but she certainly was not about to give it up for anyone including her little friend. Even if he had to learn the hard way...

                Couldn't put anything past those Negachildren. 

                Their dictator, meanwhile, was already half way back to base. 

                "Time to release the hounds..."

                And properly restock on ammo. That too.

                • DarkwingPsycho

                  When he was certain Negaduck was no longer following, Jacob stood up from his crouching position, feeling his left leg protest.  He re-holstered his revolver and, leaning heavily on his cane now, made his way toward where he knew 514 Pintail Trace was.

                  It took him longer than he'd have liked with his throbbing thigh, but when he finally did make it to the ruinous abode, he stopped to stare at it.  He knew he should have been, but nothing could have prepared him for the impact of seeing his hated enemy's former home.  Mostly because, except for the wear that time had had on the place, it looked exactly like his own home before it had been bulldozed to make room for a strip mall.  The peach-colored slats of the siding were faded and peeling, the darker colored shutters that weren't missing were swinging on their hinges, and there were several broken windows.

                  He sidled his way past the rickety white gate and down the broken sidewalk toward the slightly ajar front door.  He hoped the home hadn't been too badly looted and destroyed in the twentysome years it had sat empty.

                  The door creaked open as he moved inside, and he cautiously began stepping through the deserted domicile.  The layout was the same, as it should have been, but it was decorated very differently.  A grand piano sat covered in a thick layer of dust in the corner of the living room, and elegant paintings hung from the walls (now covered in graffiti, of course).  It seemed that while the home had been visited by vagrants and miscreants here and there, most of the family knickknacks and larger bits of furniture were still there.


                  He noticed a framed photograph sitting on the fireplace mantle next to the piano and picked it up.  There he was.  That despicable double of his, smiling out at him from the photograph as if mocking him.  Every bit of rage and hatred he had buried to keep self-control burst to the surface, and it was all Jacob could do to keep himself together.  The woman next to him was lovely.  She looked very similar to Jacob's late wife, but there were also clear differences.  Between them smiled a small child, about eight, and given what Jacob now knew about Darkwing, he deduced this little duckling was Negaduck.  The bright, smiling eyes looking out of the family portrait were so different than the ones behind the black mask.  It was a shame, really.

                  Turning the frame over, he took off the back and removed the photo, sliding in into his pocket.  He tossed aside the empty frame and turned, only to feel an odd crunch beneath his feet.  When he looked down, he realized he was standing in a crime scene.  A large pool of dried blood gaped out from where he stood, and across from it was a broken chair with frayed rope half on it.

                  Was this some kind of sick game left over from house "guests" or did this somehow involve his twin?  He lifted his arm and felt for his cufflink, then pressed the sides.  Click, click, click.  The tiny camera captured the scene.

                  He rifled through the rest of the home, gleaning what he could about his enemy's habits, his family, his personality, his interests.  There were a lot of filed documents about a company called Mallard Enterprises, which was intriguing to Jacob.  It seemed to be a weapons manufacturer.  He doubted it was still in existence.  Was this what his doppelganger had done with his life, instead of joining SHUSH, as Jacob had?

                  No, that couldn't be right.  It didn't fit with the other information that Jacob knew.  Perhaps his foe had joined SHUSH later on in life.  One way or another, Jacob knew Jake was an agent.  And SHUSH was Jacob's next stop.


                  He took a cab this time, rather than walk.  Jacob remembered SHUSH being quite a commute for him in his younger years, and he didn't want to waste the time that he had here hobbling around the city.  Headquarters looked much more formidable here than in the Normalverse.  The building was surrounded by surveillance cameras, remote-controlled guns, and there was a high wall topped with barbed wire.  Jacob paid the driver and maneuvered himself confidently toward the front gate and buzzed the intercom.

                  • Negaduck

                    A guard sprung to attention, popping out of the gatehouse. And by 'guard' we mean three remote guided machine guns and a rocket launcher. 

                    All trained on the substantial target that was Jacob's forehead.

                    Over a speaker came a disinterested,

                    "Yeah, WHAT?"

                    Such a welcoming universe.


                    In a neat little suburban house on Avian Way, which should not have been a gang hangout but totally was, a similar line of discussion was occurring. 

                    "He will not be hobbling his crotchety keister all around my city!" A discussion Negaduck was punctuating with thumping his fist into the Muddlefoots' kitchen table; at least until it splintered and Binkie helpfully replaced it with another item of furniture. 

                    "You hear me? You find him and make an old man sandwich out of him. I want a full fairy princess scale ransack out on this one."

                    "Uh." Herb, obviously. "When we finds him, you want us to keep him alive so you gots the honour of killin' him and all?"

                    Death. Glare. What sort of stupid, stereotypical--

                    "Hah!" Shoulder slap. "Is just joshing. We'll murderise him good for ya. Alrighty you heards the Lord Negaduck, we gots a disabled person to hunt!"

                    WOOO! And off they went, leaving the 'Lord' to his terrible thoughts.

                    Until they were interrupted by noises that sounded like they were coming from the garage.

                    What.. didn't he just issue an all-thug notice to get out there? What moron would disobey that?

                    One door slam would find the answer to all that. 

                    • DarkwingPsycho

                      Unfazed, Jacob pulled out his SHUSH badge, banking that they would look exactly the same in this 'verse.  He flashed it at the camera, then scowled into the lens.  "Agent Mallard, reporting back after a long hiatus.  I need to speak with Director Hooter.  Now."

                      • Piper/ Jade
                        Piper/ Jade

                        The slam interrupted what has clearly been a private moment between... six goons and one adorable not-so goon.

                        NegaPiper sighed in disappointed annoyance from her kneeling position on the dirty floor. "I was just about to get my treat..." a pretty little pout. If one drew the line-- she was wearing a plain black masquerade mask, was mid trick, and well... one could guess the treat. Clearly she was going for a Halloween spin on her activities, not that a theme meant much.

                        The goons however, were seemingly stuck between fleeing and floundering. Lucky for them, NegaPiper was charming enough to speak up.

                        "Would you like to join our train, Lord Negaduck?" She asked sweetly, rolling onto her side, looking up at him and giggling softly. "You can be the caboose." She practically purred the last word.

                        • Negaduck

                          Which was when Negaduck derailed that train, plunged it into a ravine and set all the passengers on fire. 

                          And he didn't even need to raise his voice. Just breathe out the fury. 


                          Honest to badness, they could batter dip the cranny axe when they weren't dealing with a potential Normalverse infestation. That frustration could be usefully channeled anyway into dealing with their 'guest'.

                          Speaking of frustration...

                          "You." Grasp shooting out to catch the train's engine? intake? by the back of the throat to wretch her painfully backwards. 

                          "I'll give you a treat, you filthy little--"

                          That irreverent twist of a bill, a delicate trace of collarbone leading down to two barely satisfying handfulls of...

                          "Huh. You look familiar." Searching her more closely, tracing the edge of that mask, still nothing. Weird, it felt like a recent sort of familiar.

                          "What's your name?"

                          Not that he cared. Simply needed a little help.

                          Not like that.



                          The answer to the same question had drawn a blank at SHUSH. There was some muffled arguing over the intercom, a long silence, then finally:

                          "We dun know no Mallard."

                          Enough time for Jacob to panic, before another noise. A gun shot.

                          Another moment, another voice: "Come on through."

                          Um. Yay?

                          • DarkwingPsycho

                            Except Jacob wasn't panicking.  He'd done enough research into this dimension, that opposite SHUSH meant he'd have to be prepared for cutthroat, hands-off, anything-goes administration.  It was almost like 17th century piracy, with guidelines rather than actual rules.  At least Jacob hoped there wouldn't be paperwork.

                            He moved confidently through the heavy gates and toward the imposing double front doors.  Security was in place, and Jacob again flashed his badge before walking through the metal detector, which was apparently broken.  The guards seemed unconcerned with actually taking their job seriously.  After all, who in their right mind would willingly walk into NegaSHUSH if they didn't belong there?

                            Jacob briefly glanced around the atrium, scrutinizing the layout and security measures should he need to make a quick exit later, then strolled with purpose toward where he knew the director's office was.

                            • Piper/ Jade
                              Piper/ Jade

                              Piper was openly pouting as she was on her way out-- but that quickly disappeared, and was replaced with a chirp of delight when her neck was grabbed and she was yanked backwards. Unlike her double, there was absolutely no fear or resistance against him-- she revealed in rough play, and the more deranged the inflictor, the more she enjoyed.

                              The gravelly threat only served to bring a delicious, excited grin to her face, and she was just about to encourage him on when he made his statement about looking familiar.

                              She had been around for quite some time... but it was well known that there was a flock of floozies that followed Lord Negaduck, so Piper knew better than to think she'd personally ever stood out. She allowed him to look as much as he pleased, brow raised curiously.

                              "My name is Piper." She offered simply. "Or Pips, or a variety of other endearing terms that get called out in response to my excellent ministrations..." huh. Proud much?

                              • Negaduck

                                Nothing. How strange...

                                Watching her body writhe though brought back the memory. Of course, how could he forget. The resemblance was striking.

                                In fact, it was perfect.

                                In acknowledgement of how she warmed to it, his grasp dug in tighter around the back of her throat.

                                "Well, Piper..."

                                The scowl, however, was replaced his nicest, most lecherous leer.

                                "How'd you like to be on television?"

                                Not, like with anything else, that she would have a true choice in the matter.


                                Once Jacob had passed through security, he would find a muscled officer, fully tooled up, ready to greet him.

                                "Agent Mallard?" From the rifle on her not outstretched hand, it was apparent this was the one who had made the final 'call' on his clearance. "Agent Tully. I've read some of your old case reports Sir, it's an honour to.. meet you."

                                The cane. That was unexpected. But who knows what he had been through in his absence?

                                "I'll take you through to see the Director. We've done some.. remodelling."

                                Part of the ceiling gave way further down the hall. Standard. 

                                • DarkwingPsycho

                                  "I see," he said evenly, careful to keep the scowl on his face.  "Well, 'Agent Tully,' I see I haven't returned a moment too soon.  This place falling apart without me."  He glanced at her as he walked beside her down the familiar-yet-unfamiliar hallway.  "What have I missed?"

                                  • Piper/ Jade
                                    Piper/ Jade

                                    A shiver ran through her body when his grip tightened on her neck. "Aaah.. Harder..." so enthralled with the squeeze that his question went unanswered for a moment.

                                    Then she blinked. "Television?" She asked. "What in the hell for?" She squirmed a bit to try and encourage him back towards the literal topic in hand and away from what she surmised were hypotheticals.

                                    • Negaduck

                                      "Oh you know..."

                                      Thrown to the ground like the trash she was. 

                                      Bruises to match the oil stains would be the least of her worries, however. A dagger, only sharp enough to sting, pressed into her solar plexus.

                                      Threatening the integrity of her costume... if there was any left to speak of. 

                                      "I always prefer a trick."


                                      Back at SHUSH, Agent Tully was giving 'Jake' a quick snap in on the events since his disappearence. 

                                      The rise of their malevolent dictator was hard to miss, but the inner workings of SHUSH made it always and sometimes quite literally a mad house. It all came down to the three Ps - payroll, promotions and paperwork - couldn't escape that, not even in the Negaverse.

                                      By the time they drew up to the Director's office, she had a question for him.

                                      "Sir, sorry, I gotta ask." Iknowthisisunprofessionalbut. "Was it you who ran that job in the arcade?"

                                      Tear-wiping laughter. "That was brilliant. We were tripping over bits of candy crane in the streets for weeks..."

                                      Yeah, and bits of the typical audience as well. Ah, good times.


                                      • DarkwingPsycho

                                        Jacob raised a brow, and allowed a tiny smirk.  He made sure his voice was heavy and more grated, like his hated twin's.  "As if anyone else could pull that off."  He knew Jake had an ego wider than the bay.

                                        "Well, if you'll excuse me, Agent Tully, I'll take my leave here.  I appreciate the history update."

                                        • Negaduck

                                          As he stepped into the fortess of an office, a rough voice sounded from the shadows behind the desk. That was very much not J Gander, unless he had been spending a lot of time in Russia lately. 

                                          "So. Look who is returning to land of living."

                                          Around the chair spun to reveal the stern furry face of one Vladimir Gryzlikoff.

                                          A sterness which snapped one tense moment later to.. elation?


                                          The mountain of an agent would be out and crushing Jacob in a bone breaking bear hug before he could even ask what was up with that Hawaiian shirt.

                                          • DarkwingPsycho

                                            Jacob had to force himself not to shove the overbearing bear away, and he could hear his spine popping with the force of the hug.  He and Gryzlikoff had been rather stand-offish at SHUSH in the Normalverse, so did that mean that Jake and this Gryzz were...  Jacob had to suppress dread.

                                            "Missed me that much, did you?" he managed to wheeze before the Russian set him down.  "You know it isn't that easy to get rid of me permanently."  He glanced around the office curiously, then eyed Gryzlikoff.  "Did they get desperate to fill the director's shoes, or...?"

                                            • Negaduck

                                              "Desperate? Hah!" Satisfied that at least something had popped, both the topic and the agent were dropped.

                                              Evading the question, perhaps, but the fact the bear evaded the desk on return left the matter.. neutral.

                                              Instead, he helped himself to a well secured cabinet nearby.

                                              "You worry too much. Come, let us celebrate!"

                                              Many many tiny glasses placed onto the table, accompanied by a few ominous bottles, from which he poured traditional Russian 'water'.

                                              "We will be havking big party for your return. Drinks, games, girls..." Nudge. "All your favourikte things, yes?"

                                              There was throwing out the rule book. And then there was throwing the rule book into a blender and using it to make frozen daiquiris.

                                              • DarkwingPsycho

                                                Jacob eyed the liquid.  He didn't want to set off Gryzlikoff's suspicions, but neither did he want his mind clouded with alcohol.  He managed to shoot the bear a sly smirk.  "Sounds like a plan.  But first I have some important information about my whereabouts to pass on to --"

                                                At that moment, the office door burst open and in stormed the Negaverse's version of J. Gander Hooter.  He looked so much like his old friend, Jacob had to make a conscious effort not to react.

                                                "I heard you were back," the gander practically spat.  "Took you long enough.  That's fourteen counts against you - you won't be leaving SHUSH again any time soon."

                                                Jacob blinked, then blustered without thinking, "But John, you don't -"

                                                "That's Director Hooter!" the diminutive avian thundered.  "You're going to the hold until I can figure out a better solution to your treason."


                                                "We sent you through that portal for intel - reconnaissance - and instead you abandon your assignment and disappear, destroying the portal in the process.  DECADES of work.  You're lucky I don't put you in front of the firing squad."

                                                Jacob felt his pulse rise imperceptibly.  He'd expected a different SHUSH, but this?

                                                • Negaduck

                                                  No surprise this came as no surprise to the Chief Agent. 

                                                  Feet up on the side meeting table, he gave his fourth or so glass a lazy swirl.

                                                  "Party is being before or after the firing squad, Sir?"

                                                  Not fazed. By that or anything really. 

                                                  • DarkwingPsycho

                                                     The director was not amused, and shoved Gryzlikoff's feet off of his desk.  "Kindly escort 'Agent Mallard' to the brig."

                                                    Jacob narrowed his eyes.  "I'm not going anywhere," he replied defiantly.  "I may not have been able to get back here until now, but I didn't have to return.  If I'd truly deserted, why would I come back?  I spent all of these years trapped in that hellhole gathering information to bring back to you, SIR..."  He practically spat the last word, channeling his pent up anger.  He didn't know it, but doing so brought him that much closer to acting exactly as his double.  "I gained their trust, I worked my way through their ranks, I KNOW their weaknesses!  Brigging me is a mistake you'll regret.  If I can get here, believe me, SO CAN THEY."

                                                    He shoved off the chief agent, who'd been trying to usher him toward the door.

                                                    John smirked sardonically.  "Even if that were true, we'll be ready for them."

                                                    Jacob stopped fighting, his expression deathly serious.  His tone was dark and even, almost a low growl.  It was as close as he could come to sounding like the mallard he so despised.  "You won't.  Not without me.  Now get rid of your pet teddy bear and let's talk business."

                                                    Rather than become enraged at this insubordination, the gander merely chuckled.  "There's the agent I remember."  He looked behind Jacob and waved his hand.  "You're dismissed, Chief Agent Gryzlikoff.  For now."

                                                    • Negaduck

                                                      Shrugging his mountainous shoulders, Gryzlikoff obviously had no problem letting this mini-drama unfold in his absence. 

                                                      "If you need me I will be teaching the Spetsnaz transferees crochet."

                                                      Code, or a useful field skill? 

                                                      Either way, a sidelong glance at Mallard and he was gone. Leaving the newly returned agent to their Director. 

                                                      Not necessarily an improvement. 

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