RP: From Bad to Wurst

[[RP reserved for Jade and Jacob but I don't mind oneshots appearing in the prison scene - just message me first. Alrighty, time to BUST IT.]]

St Canard Supervillain Prison. A hold-up was occurring in the cafeteria, but not of the sort that had landed any of them in there in the first place. 

"Say again, seaweed breath?"

The walrus tightened the grip on his tray, straightened with an air of indignation, and repeated himself. 

"I am gluuutin intolerant," pronounced with a roll of his rrr more delicious than any of the miserable gloop on offer. 

The black masked duck with a floral apron over what was clearly his usual supervillain ensemble, levelled him a look flatter than a walrus hit by a steamroller. 

"Yeah, well I'm moron intolerant, so eat it or beat it, tubby."

As the 'renowned' Director shuffled off with mutterings of 'I can't not work like this!' the next inmate in line appeared, wheeling a sack of coriander. Or at least, a sack with the words 'TNT' crossed out and 'coriander' in mAdler in its place.

"Hey Negaduck," said the rat with a furtive glance at the heavily armed and heavily bored guard standing a few places behind the crime - er, grime lord. "Got the 'spices' you ordered for the 'sausages'."

Hard to know what was harder to believe - that a super scientist could be so stupid, or the fact that he had actually pulled off a job.

Ignoring the not so subtle secret wink, Negaduck chose to focus on the latter because, you know, deep down he was a forgiving and compassionate guy who was going to be back to cracking heads open any time soon.

"Good. We'll get these cooked up as well then." Patting the bain-marie half full of meat every crook knew better than to eat. 

"Who doesn't love a hot sausage."

    • Piper/ Jade
      Piper/ Jade

      Jade and vents got along so well.

      It was because she was small and thin. And most people didn't think of something as svelte as her would ever try to break in.

      Yet here she was. The thrill was what pushed her through the dust and gross things that decorated the inside of the vents-- the adrenaline junkie was thirsty for the challenge. Maximum security? Hah! Maybe from the inside but clearly they underestimated from the outside.

      Jade slid up to a vent, following the noise that echoed and bounced over the metal. Finding negaduck was going to be difficult but she has done some poking around... he was on kitchen duty. Or so some guard had mentioned.

      Along with the flower apron apparel.

      Which was why she also had her phone camera ready. Before long she started catching the smell of food-- almost there.

      Before she got there she quickly sent out a text to Jacob. 'Nearly at the point. Wish me luck.'

      • DarkwingPsycho

        The phone vibrated in the SHUSH agent's pocket.  He had to put checking it on hold for a moment as he watched the security cameras he'd hacked into using his untraceable computer systems at his home.  "Is it ready?" he spoke into a headset.

        He received confirmation, and knew the source he had paid to hire transport for Jade and her "friend" once they were out of the prison had come through.  Jacob had been very careful to use connections he trusted, and he was at least three times removed from the actual transporters.  That way if there were complications, there was no way it could be connected back to him.

        He wondered how Jade was doing...he trusted her competence, but there was still that flicker of doubt that something might go wrong and she would be in the thick of things.

        He pulled out his phone and read the text, then smirked.  You don't need it, he responded.

        • Negaduck

          Unaware of the audience, the prison folk settled in to their meals. A lot like your typical highschool lunch hour, except these dangerous thugs weren't armed. 

          And, in typical highschool manner, it took only one of the troublemakers, lounging against the serving bay, to 'accidentally' fling a rissole into Hammerhead's head...

          ... who immediately spun around to attribute it to Ammonia Pine's filthy sister...

          ... and it was on. 

          Food fights plus supervillains plus randomly exploding sausage equals chaos. 

          It was under the cover of that chaos that Negaduck crammed than cursed apron into the gravy bucket and bolted, sausage bound time bomb under one arm, like a quarterback weaving for the endzone or whatever you call it when you know more than a sentence about American football. 

          But then-- TACKLE!!

          And pop! The ball - that was, the huge bundle of explosives - squeezed out of his grasp under the weight of half a dozen riot responders and fleeeeww..

          Into a wall cranny just big enough for it to lodge. 





          Perfect! Except for the obvious flaw of being pinned down and impending Quick Response Team and/or tasers. 

          "Argh!! Bughead!!" Twisting around to, if not free himself, at least yell at someone about it. "You were meant to take care of the guards!"

          The supervillainess in question, however, was backed into one corner, fending off a flood of moths.. wielding batons? And tiny miniature helmets?

          "I think my system still has a few.. bugs!"

          This was not pleasing. 

          "Blast it!!"

          Except he had. 

          What a waste of good sausage. 

          • Piper/ Jade
            Piper/ Jade

            She had been biding her time, loosening a vent door and watching down below for a perfect opportunity.

            The food fight was almost what she needed. What ended up happening... what with the explosion that rattled her in the vent and the security response was... a problem.

            But not one that a bit of smoke screen couldn't fix. Which she happened to have a few of.

            Pushing open the vent, conveniently within sight distance of Negaduck... as in literally right above him, Jade dropped two things.

            A lovely new gift in the form of a self retracting rappel line... and a few smoke bombs.

            "Grab on!" She hollered down sweetly to Negaduck as the line dropped in front of him. Shortly after, the little smoke bombs tinked against the floor and exploded.

            Now... the retracting strength was weight based, so it would compute the weight it needed to get started pulling... if negs didn't free himself, there was the potential he'd shoot right up.

            Either way, Jade figured it wasn't a big deal, and hit the button. She started to crawl out of the way, towards the exit. There wouldn't be much time and she wasn't sure how long Jacob's contacts could keep her plan a secret.

            • DarkwingPsycho

               From his CPU, Jacob cut into the security system and silenced the alarm, then made sure the cameras to the cafeteria went dark.  The van with his third (fourth?) party cohorts were waiting near the prison fence, waiting.

              • Negaduck

                In amongst all the brawling and butter tossing, that voice on high rang like a chime and caught the con's attention. 

                Also the end of line hit him in the face, so that also helped. 

                Knot one to look a gift rope in the.. strand (?), Negaduck grabbed hold. 

                Well, he elbowed one guard in the guts, flung two more into tables, hit one in the face with a shaker while making puns about his a-salt record, and then grabbed hold. 

                Consequently, the ride up went off without anything unusual. 

                If you didn't describe booms of room-rattling evil laughter unusual. 

                (Which in this case, no you wouldn't.)

                Finally he dragged himself into the vent, and what words did he use to greet his saviour?

                "Took you long enough."

                Snarled, mark you, before he flicked a dust bunny or two off his sleeve. A vent. Why did it have to be a vent?

                "Right, let's get out of here."

                And off he tore. What, was she expecting a thank you?

                • Piper/ Jade
                  Piper/ Jade

                  "Sorry, I was delightfully preoccupied." Not phased or surprised in the least.

                  "Left!" She hissed. "Alarms are off on the east side only." If he didn't go she would push, because if Negaduck got caught, she got caught.

                  "So what was your plan, exactly? It didn't look like it was going too well." Snark and she continued to crawl.

                  • Negaduck

                    Always time for snark. Even when one is grunting through a tunnel under perilous conditions. 

                    "I'm here, aren't I?" 

                    You know why they call it leopard crawling? Because you don't see ducks doing it.

                    At least he could follow, not directions per se, but direction, and kept to the east. 

                    All the same, Jade may have been tempted to get the plunger, because it was tough going. Negaduck was not the tallest of drakes, but he did not share her litheness either. Or patience, for that matter.

                    "Blow this." Enjoyment of super stealth mode having lasted all of 3.5 seconds. "How much further?"

                    Already in the process of withdrawing a spare sausage or two from a pocket, for if her answer wasn't 'around the very next bend', that was going to be a statement of intent rather than an exclamation.

                    • Piper/ Jade
                      Piper/ Jade

                      "You act like you were totally aware of my arrival. How cute, you waited for me." Snark snark. But right the high was flooding her mind with endorphins and she was feeling particularly invincible.


                      And since he was in front, she failed to notice the danger he was about to cause with his impatience.

                      "About four hundred meters just past the next split." She paused-- it that she didn't have time with his snail's pace. "Why do I still smell food?"

                      • Negaduck

                        No answer, just the sound of him reaching around one corner to throw a sausage down a long passageway. 

                        Ducking -pun pun- back in their current pipeline to shield from the inevitable--


                        Checking the result to confirm it had indeed punched a large enough hole to the outside, before 'smiling' back at his 'saviour'.

                        "There." Pleased with his own genius as always. "A shortcut."

                        What was that about alarms again?

                        • DarkwingPsycho

                          No alarms sounded, thankfully, and from his feed, Jacob could see the explosion from the east wing.  He cursed under his breath, and typed rapidly, trying to get ahead of the inevitable chaos Negaduck was wreaking.  The guards stationed outside, however, were now alerted to their position and ran toward the massive hole in the thick walls.

                          Jacob tapped into the computerized security system, effectively locking any backup that may have come from the building inside.  He could only hope Jade and Negaduck could get past the handful of guards now blocking their way to freedom.

                          • Piper/ Jade
                            Piper/ Jade

                            Her ears were ringing.

                            But there as no time... she'd smack him later. Jade pushed at him, "Go, go before...."

                            Too late. Guards were coming. Jade sighed. "I didn't want to fight..." she grumbled, trying to squeeze her way through the hole. But she would not fight, she planned to run. And as soon as her feet hit the ground, that is what she did. "Come on! this way! I have a car!"

                            ...kind of. 

                            • Negaduck

                              As much as Negaduck enjoyed a fight, he preferred when the odds were stacked in his favour, not 100 against. 

                              Make that 200, thanks to the blast highlighting their location. And dogs. 

                              Why were they coming so doggedly (har har) after him?! Jade was far further behind at that point. 

                              Oh right. Sausages. 

                              Flinging the meats at the mutts, which would've been far more gleeful had they not been his only ammo aside from a can of beans and a spatula, he could focus on the final sprint.

                              Serpentine! Serpentine!

                              Then at last, the fence!

                              Scaling it was so easy - what idiots thought a chainlink mesh was a good idea - he even paused half way up to brag.

                              "Once again, Negaduck proves that he is in--"


                              A bolt of blue lightning ripped across the structure, leaving a charcoalled duck to flop back to the ground.


                              Forgot about that new electric fencing. 

                              • Piper/ Jade
                                Piper/ Jade

                                It was probably lucky that she was behind him. She froze for a moment, watching the villain sizzle for a brief moment before pulling out her phone. "Damn it" she hissed.

                                Quickly texting, "fence!" She bit her lip nervously and glanced at the on coming guards.

                                Her ear was open, she could hear the electricity as it released in pulses.

                                Digging into her pouches she held on to a smoke bomb and a mini bomb... she didn't want to hurt anyone but she could distract them. She just had to be patient. Glancing down at inciner-duck, she nudged him with her foot. "That's what you get for monologuing."

                                • DarkwingPsycho

                                  Jacob had been so busy trying to keep up with Negaduck's deviation from his and Jade's plan that it had slipped his mind to deactivate the electric fence, apparently.  He did so in seconds.

                                  "Psst," a voice hissed from the other side of the fence.  A pig dressed in black was standing there with wire cutters.  He cut through the fence hastily and practically yanked them through.

                                  "Van's down there."  He pointed, already moving toward it.

                                  • Negaduck

                                    It would take more than 2,000 volts to keep Negaduck down. The felon had already shaken himself off and was staggering to his feet in preparation for battle with the can of beans, when the fence was cut. 

                                    Who in the blazes?

                                    He chose to focus on a more pressing question though as the three of them made a dash for freedom. 

                                    "A van?"

                                    Being not only a supervillain but the greatest supervillain of all time, he was used to escaping the slammer with a bit more.. flare! A giant floating warship! An armoured bulldozer! But a van? What kind of common thug did she take him for?!

                                    The real stickling point though would be when they reached the van in question, and the seating plan became apparent. 

                                    "Oh no you don't, Porky! I'm the mastermind here, I'm in the driver's--"

                                    BANG BANG BANG!

                                    Ducking for cover as a spray of bullets nearly took off his head. 

                                    Maybe not the best time to argue, but then when was it?

                                    • Piper/ Jade
                                      Piper/ Jade

                                      Jade slipped around through the fence and kept hot on Negaduck's heels on their way to the van. She knew that the pig was likely one of Jacob's connections, so she didn't question him-- but she wondered where Jacob was?

                                      When Negs tried to pull the 'who's bigger" card over driving, she'd pretty much had enough. "In the back!" she grabbed him by the shoulders and literally dove with him into the back of the open van. She landed hard on her side, half on top of Negaduck in order to keep him from trying to do something stupid-- like jump in the front seat, or out the open side door as the van began to peel away. 

                                      • DarkwingPsycho

                                        As soon as they were both through, Jacob reactivated the electricity so the guards and dogs couldn't follow.  The rest of the authorities were still stuck in the prison behind their own locks.  But it wouldn't take long for word to reach local police.

                                        Still, Jacob knew Negaduck and Jade would be long gone by the time they arrived to help.  He shut down his system - the jail's IT personnel would have to figure out how to clean up the mess he'd left - and prepared to meet his quarry at the rendezvous point.

                                        There was no need to fight over a driver, as one was already in place and the van was running.  They took off as soon as everyone was inside, and the masked pig slammed the back doors shut.

                                        They sped through the city streets, thankfully with no authorities on their tail at the moment, and it didn't take them long to get to a deserted point along what was once a pier filled with carnival rides and games.  Now dilapidated and rusted over, the placed looked eerie in the moonlight.  The sound of the waves of the Audubon Bay below didn't help the desolation.

                                        They skidded to a stop next to the broken down carousel, and the pig shoved out Jade and Negaduck.  Then the van took off again, tail lights fading in the distance.

                                        • Negaduck


                                          One indignified face dive into the sandy soil later, Negaduck was back on his feet. 

                                          "What in the name of barbequing babies was that?!"

                                          Adrenaline and rage, which had been building through the entire ride wherein any attempt to throw Jade off was thrown by their both being thrown in the twists and turns of the escape, was threatening to bubble over. 

                                          The delapidated carnival atmosphere was not helping. He would have suspected a Quackerjack ploy but there was no way the jumbled jester was capable of the sort of coordination evident in that job. 

                                          So then who?

                                          • Piper/ Jade
                                            Piper/ Jade

                                            She laughed.

                                            "Your great escape! Facilitated by a pig!" The irony was not lost on the ducklette. She pushed herself off the ground and began to dust herself off.

                                            "How does freedom feel?" She asked in effort to stall a bit. Jacob should be by anytime now. According to the plan anyway.

                                            • Negaduck

                                              ((OOC: Going to get a little dark/violent here, fair warning! If not your thing please tune out now.))

                                              Something wasn't adding up. Something she wasn't telling him.

                                              But freedom was finally his, as she so rightly highlighted, and perhaps it was time to enjoy it.

                                              "Ever been on a diet?"

                                              Perhaps she had, but she hardly needed it now, judging from those shapely curves, the glint of moonlight over her pert features, that tempting little tail...

                                              "Imagine, after what feels like years, someone putting a big, sweet cake in front of you."

                                              Darkness was becoming him, whether she noticed or not, given his constantly malevolent predisposition. He could taste though, the pleasure pre the pounce, the imminent horror of her helplessness.

                                              "In my case, however, the cake is pain."

                                              So appreciative of a far more attractive target, he lunged. 

                                              • Piper/ Jade
                                                Piper/ Jade

                                                It didn't help that her mind was focused on wondering where Jacob was. Then part of her was egotistical, and believed Negs wouldn't hurt her after releasing him like she had.

                                                So Jade was unaware of the predatory gaze being directed towards her. She lightly answered him with a "no I haven't..." And turned to glance around... why such a creepy place with so many hiding places?

                                                When he mentioned pain, she stupidly said "what?" Before his pounce was completed and she was, once again forced to the ground, and the precious air in her lungs pushed out.

                                                • Negaduck

                                                  There would be no getting up this time. Not of her own accord. Negaduck knew how to use every inch of their weight difference to keep the lithe thief pinned, and to enjoy it.

                                                  Screw cake. The sight below him was far more delicious.

                                                  "This is entirely your own fault, little duck..."

                                                  Fingers twisted around that thick hair, yanking Jade's head back to expose the delicate lines of her neck, surveying this new territory at his non-existant mercy.

                                                  "Maybe if you had busted me out sooner, I wouldn't have been so very hungry..."

                                                  Not able to contain it any longer, he savaged her. Posessing the soft flesh of her body, grasping with deliberate cruelty, tearing at the fabric that separated him from his prize.

                                                  Did she still have that baton? Spare hand wrapped around it. That would make a useful prop...

                                                  Just because he wasn't armed didn't mean he couldn't have any fun

                                                  • DarkwingPsycho

                                                    Jacob had driven a throw-away vehicle with a junk license plate.  That way if anyone came upon it while he was elsewhere, it wasn't a loss and couldn't be traced back to him.  As for Jade, he had arranged another, more comfortable option for her transport.  He just had to let the driver know when she was ready.

                                                    He strode onto the foggy pier, glad of his long black trenchcoat in the chill autumn air.  He had had both guns replaced, and he was carrying those in their usual spots.  A few other small, useful gadgets as well, but nothing that would weigh him down.  He hadn't heard from Jade since the fence, and he assumed all had gone according to plan.  He'd have to thank his contact for setting this up third hand.  There were so many persons in his debt, he hoped he never ran out.  It was very useful, having strings on people.

                                                    When he approached the dysfunctional carousel, he heard the sounds of a struggle, and his pace increased.  It was only when his black eyes fell on the sight that he paused.  He never should have agreed to let her be alone with that monster.

                                                    His first instinct was to grab for his pistol, but he needed the blackguard alive.  Second choice weapon would have to do.  He gripped the cane in his right hand more tightly.  It was a good thing it was made from magnesium alloy - the strongest metal in the world, as light as aluminum.  Negaduck wouldn't see him coming.

                                                    • Piper/ Jade
                                                      Piper/ Jade

                                                      Once her breath returned she immediately began fighting him off. "Get OFF of me, you bastard!" She pushed against his bill and tried to get her feet into his hips so she could push him off.

                                                      All the while trying her best to not focus on what his hands were grabbing.

                                                      Unfortunately when fabric tore she froze and moved to keep herself covered. Guard down.