Gold Digger

[[OOC: Currently reserved for Malicia and Negaduck, but might open it up later. Drop me a message if interested. Can never have too many suckers. Hahah.]]

It was safe to say, as much as anything was ever safe around him, that Negaduck was a mallard of many hobbies.

One of the most favourite of those, of course, had to be taking people's money.

What was lovely about this was the variety of means through which it could be accomplished, and on a very large scale to boot.

Through fear? Through force? Through fanatical fruit bats trained to hone on wallets and fly them back to base? Why not all three?

As nice as that all was, however, there was something especially satisfying in using deception.

Which was why, in the middle of a busy St Canard shopping mall, the caped criminal would be found in a 'Gold Buying' booth. Feet up on the desk, filing his nails (how he did even) as he whistled away.

Why the populace didn't seem to react to Public Enemy Number One chilling right out there in the open was a mystery in itself. He did have an approved stall though, so it must have been legitimate. Even if it was likely never his stall in the first place but let's not look too deep into that.

The other mystery was, even without the very shady nature of the drake behind the desk, who would possibly fall for such a scam. The black and glittered gold signs screamed swindle: 'GET YOUR GOLD VALUED HERE', 'TURN THAT THRASH INTO TREASURE' and 'SHINIES SHINIES SHINIES'.

Never underestimate the stupidity of your average person though. Especially not in St Canard.


    • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
      Queen Malicia of St. Canard

      The latter sign had lured her in like a bee to the sweetest nectar.

      The demonness had ventured out into the heart of St. Canard to gather up potion ingredients, but in the process had become seriously side-tracked. The window displays, filled with shoes and glittering jewelry had caught her fancy, and all initial goals were forgotten.

      There was only one problem: She was severely lacking in funds. Having arrived in St. Canard with no 'Normal' currency to speak of, most of her resources came from supernatural means.

      ...Which included the large bag of gold she dropped on the counter in front of this oddly-dressed sales clerk.

      The gold that was, in fact, a sack of rocks she had transmuted into high quality Karat. The only caveat was that the spell was temporary, and eventually the sizable nuggets would return to their natural, worthless state.

      Fortunately, she would be long gone by that point.

      "Excuse me." Trying to catch his attention with her saccharine-sweet voice. "Are you the one who purchases gold?"

      • Negaduck

        Behind that black mask, which was surely standard issue for a jeweller, the mallard's attention drifted up. 

        Over those mouthwatering curves. What enormous boulders! He had never seen any that big! They had to weigh a ton. 

        Finally, with practiced disinterest, he stopped ogling the gold and focused on its owner. 

        Soon to be ex-owner...

        "Yeah, and who wants to know?"

        Somebody had never completed the St Canard Prison rehabilitation scheme on customer service. 

        • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
          Queen Malicia of St. Canard

          While Malicia had little experience interacting with Normals, she had plenty of experience with television; and, more specifically, reality t.v. shows.

          ...Which provided a shining example of the valleygirl accent she adopted for this particular occasion. Thank you, Keeping Up With The Kardaschunds.

          Because if there was one constant in any culture, it was that gorgeous, simple-minded women were severely underestimated.

          "Well, like, here's the thing. I like, had a grandpa who died yanno?" She began. "And he left me this super expensive gold, told me to take good care of it because it's been in our family for like, everrrr. But I mean, what am I going to DO with it, yanno? And I just HAVE to have those designer pumps." A motion toward the shoe store situated across from the booth.

          She twirled a strand of her hair in her fingers and clicked her tongue. "So like, you'll give me money right? For this?" A motion at the bag.

          • Negaduck

            Through her spiel, Negaduck's eyes had begun to gloss over. That drone. It was like a buzzsaw crossed with a flamingo passing through a jet engine into his brain and not in a good way.

            At that point, he'd have given her money just to stop talking.

            Snapping out of it, "Let's see what you've got."

            A weighty scale dropped on the counter. Boy was that a finely tuned calculating machine and not dodgy in the slightest, particularly considering the balance hardly swung at all when the 'gold' was deposited on one side.

            "Not bad. Not bad at all..." Am I drooling? No, no, it's just hot in here, who doesn't perspire.

            Another sack swung onto the table. "Here's the thing though, sweetheart. I don't carry cash enough for that. Would you take gems instead?" Opening the cover to reveal the gleam of hundreds, if not thousands, of what appeared to be diamonds. "Exchange rate is far better."

            Yeah. The exchange rate for glass.

            • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
              Queen Malicia of St. Canard

              There was a flicker in her eyes. Ooooh... shinies.

              Shaking her head to snap herself out of it, she frowned at him.

              "But like, they only take cash or credit at the shoe store. Diamonds aren't going to get me what I want right now!"

              Snatching the bag of gold, she made the motion to leave. "I guess I'll have to go to the gold guy up the street then..."

              • Negaduck

                What in Hades was this? Logic?!

                Not while he was around!

                "Hey wait just one second!" Diving forward to catch the bag and hopefully her attention. 

                Except she was stronger than she looked. Real stronger. If she put in any resistance, he might have actually had to try!

                Through gritted teeth, never letting go even if her life depended on it, "I'll... pay you double!"

                Passing up such a generous offer would be a crime, surely.

                • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                  Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                  "Oh?" Turning back, keenly interested now.

                  "Like, that is totally so nice of you!" She chirped. Still clutching the bag, but letting it drift tauntingly in his direction.

                  "So you do have cash then?"

                  • Negaduck

                    No, that was not what he meant. A trade was still the preferable option - double of nothing was nothing, after all.

                    With those goods swinging so temptingly in his face however, his grasp on self control was slipping.

                    How could he ever resist such a golden opportunity?

                    "Okay, okay!" Out came a substantial money clip, from which he slid her.. a lousy couple of bills. 

                    "There. I think you'll find that's quite a generous offer."

                    And an acceptable loss of a few measly hundred dollars compared to the thousands that gold must have been worth.

                    Now gimmeh!

                    • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                      Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                      Wow. Did he really think she was that stupid? Perhaps her acting was Oscar-worthy...

                      She bit her lip momentarily as she counted the money on the clip. "Oh um... well that's like, not enough for the shoes I want you know? Besides, my grandpa told me this gold was worth like, a lot, a lot of money. So shouldn't I get more than this?"

                      Making a grandiose display of mulling it over she continued. "How about... Like's like, a super large amount of money right? And I can get my shoes with it!"

                      • Negaduck

                        She could count? That was a surprise. 

                        "Only because you're the loveliest thing I've ever seen," as if that poisoned charm was distracting enough. 

                        Particularly since he added only onnne note, and that was for $10. 


                        • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                          Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                          His compliment received a girly titter of "Oh, you!"

                          She released her grip on the bag of gold, allowing him to secure it in his hands.

                          And in doing so, had hopefully distracted him enough to deftly exchange it with the money clip, and the greater chunk of cash attached to it.

                          "Feel free to get a closer look at my boulders." She cooed.

                          • Negaduck

                            No need to offer, his head was already buried among them.

                            "Awwwyeah," came the murbled exclamation. "I'm going to enjoy putting a shine on these!"

                            And enjoy he would. Right up until the point, before he had a chance to do anything fun with them, Negaduck discovered the horrible truth.

                            "... WHAT.

                            So much for that exchange rate.


                            • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                              Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                              While he was busy motor-boating his newly acquired mounds of abundance, Malicia took this golden opportunity to cut and run.

                     long, sucker.

                              It would be hours after she finished her shopping spree when the spell wore off, and Negaduck would discover he'd hit rock bottom.

                              Ah, Normals... so easy to fool. It was like taking candy from a mask-wearing baby.


                              .....What was with the mask anyway? Ah, who cares! It wasn't her problem anymore!


                              • Negaduck

                                Until it was, when it came crashing through the doors of the Old Haunt.

                                "ANYONE SEEN A BROAD WITH FAKE LUMPS?"

                                To be fair, which he despised so we won't, that was a reasonably accurate description of Malicia's.. rocks.

                                Unreasonably irate, on the other hand, was an accurate description of Negaduck. Thanks to his amazing powers of observation, which had never let him down and were not at all the present reason for him having a complete blow out, he would find the culprit, no matter how large her assets.

                                And then there would be words.

                                • DarkwingPsycho

                                  ((OOC: I hope it's okay if I jump in.  If not - I'll delete!!))

                                  Jacob turned from where he was sitting at the bar, which had become his usual place after SHUSH.  He'd picked up the same routine right where he'd left off.

                                  His eyes scanned the newcomer.  Black mask, yellow suit, cape, fedora...this could only be Negaduck - Public Enemy #2.  In the few weeks since his return, he'd done quite a bit more research into the underbelly of St. Canard.  And Harou's network was proving helpful as well.

                                  "That's a rather disingenuous statement," he replied casually, obviously unfazed by the lowlifes around him who were quaking in their shoes at the sight of Negaduck.  He picked up his glass of bourbon and took a sip before continuing.  "They seemed real enough to me."

                                  • Negaduck

                                    Negaduck stared at the other drake like he had two heads - maybe not that usual in St Canard, on reflection, but certainly ugly as hell. 

                                    Newcomer nothing. This was his town. Who was this moron who decided to put themself in his line of fire when he wasn't even the target?

                                    Easy fix. 

                                    "You're welcome to inspect them yourself!" he roared. 

                                    And the bag of boulders in question was hurled at Jacob's midsection with more force than a rage-powered catapult. 

                                    Which he would be directing at his actual objective the moment he spied that duplicitously ditzy head..

                                    • DarkwingPsycho

                                      Jacob was quick, but not that quick.  The bag shot into his midsection, knocking the wind out of his lungs.

                                      "Oh," he wheezed.  "You meant actual boulders.  If we are indeed thinking on the same woman, I'm certain she'll make her presence known soon.  She is also a rather frequent patron." He slid the boulders to the floor, regarding the supervillain with interest.

                                      "You look like you could use a drink, in the meantime."

                                      • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                                        Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                                        Indeed, it wasn't much long afterward that Malicia strolled through the saloon doors, decked out in her usual green dress and -- oh look -- a lovely brand new pair of designer Jimmy Choo-huahuas on her clawed feet.

                                        Gotta show off just how fabulous I look by hitting up the local bar!

                                        She didn't even glance in the surly caped villain's direction as she made a beeline for the bar. "I'll have the usual tonight, Barkeep!"

                                        • Negaduck

                                          "You got rocks in your head too?" he snapped at Jacob. Who did this guy think he was?! "Cram it!"

                                          Before Negaduck could get too distracted hammering home this point - with his fists - the target he originally wanted to hammer made an appearance. Finally.

                                          Stomping over to position himself, with an eye for theatrics, so his 'trading partner' could not help but notice him the moment that acid-dipped voice hit her ears. 

                                          "What a pleasure to see you again." 

                                          Ready for her inevitable realisation and panic in three, two, one...

                                          [OOC: This post brought to you by Black Hearts On Fire which happened to come on the player mid-way through writing XD]

                                          • DarkwingPsycho

                                            Jacob shrugged, not realizing how close to a quivering mass of broken bones he'd come, and turned back to the bar, ordering another bourbon.  He continued to be slightly curious about the goings on, but kept his interest under wraps as he subtly paid attention to the exchange.

                                            ((OOC: That's all I'll add for Jacob unless something happens/is needed, but I don't want to interfere more with the ND/Mal stuff.  :) ))

                                            • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                                              Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                                              Blank stare.

                                              Head tilt.


                                              "I know you from somewhere don't I?"

                                              Long pause. "Wait... I remember now..."

                                              ".....You're Darkwing Duck! I saw you on the television!"


                                              • Negaduck

                                                It started off benignly enough.

                                                " .... You think I'm Darkwing Duck?"

                                                And escalated quickly from there.

                                                "The Darkwing Duck who is a constant thorn in the side of criminal activity? The Darkwing who bumbles into the middle of well-laid nefariousness just to ruin it and survive with dumb luck? THE DARKWING WHOSE NECK I WOULD GLADLY SNAP AND THROW ONTO HIGHWAY ONE IF ONLY TO SERVE SOME ACTUAL PURPOSE AS A SPEED HUMP!?!"

                                                If any of those present had any sense in their hollow heads, they would have been taking cover by that point, preferably with the booze, because he was about to go--


                                                Unlike the inside of the Haunt, which was a bit more wobbly post that explosion, Negaduck had pulled it together. Nothing like the soothing effects of all-out rage. There remained a burning hate in his manner, however, as he bared down on Malicia. Presuming she was still there and/or conscious.

                                                "No, I'm not Darkwing Duck. I'm Negaduck. Scourge of this city, baddest of the bad." 

                                                Chest poke, regardless of the presence of boulders or otherwise.

                                                "And you. owe. me. gold."

                                                • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                                                  Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                                                  She was standing in the same spot -- her dress mildly charred, but her feathers and hair remained perfectly groomed. A little too perfect, in fact. Almost as if she were fire-proof or something.

                                                  "My my, that was quite the temper tantrum." She spoke smoothly, no traces of the bimbo-laden accent present from their first encounter.

                                                  She circled the caped mallard, her tail swishing curiously. So, this wasn't Darkwing Duck then. Admittedly, she spent little of her energy paying attention to the affairs of Normals, but she had picked up snippets of information from the news and from the local bar chatter. The name 'Negaduck' made many of the Normals fearful.

                                                  Fortunately, she wasn't a Normal.

                                                  "Tell me." She began, her gold eyes sparkling mischievously. "Are you feeling a tad sore about your new rock collection, or..."

                                                  Stopping in front of him, she leaned forward to meet him at eye level.

                                                  "....Are you upset that I outsmarted your own petty attempt at swindling me?"

                                                  • Negaduck

                                                    Wait, she didn't get to circle him! She was the new fish to the big murky pond, and he was the terrifying shark who would CHEW HER FACE OFF IF SHE CAME ANY CLOSER.

                                                    ... Still, on taking in her unusual features, combined with her disappointingly damage resistant facade, a level of understanding flicked over him fast and furiously enough. 

                                                    "Fantastic, another freak to join the ranks of St Canard's spectacularly unspectacular special class."  

                                                    The best defence is attack, particularly when you're armed to the teeth.

                                                    "Any more pathetic parlour tricks you'd like to share, uh, whoever you are?" 

                                                    Busty McBust Face?

                                                    • Queen Malicia of St. Canard
                                                      Queen Malicia of St. Canard

                                                      "Dodging the question, I see." Shooting him a victorious smirk. "I'll play along, just to soothe over that clearly-damaged ego of yours."

                                                      Since her 'freakishness' clearly rattled his non-existent patience, she decided to rub it in further. She opened one of her palms, which ignited with a small ball of fire that danced and swirled methodically.

                                                      "My name is Malicia Macawber. And you, Normal, are one to speak. What is your special ability? A short fuse?" The flame extinguished on that final sentence.