Duchess of Disaster

Even the deck feared to squeak as the black-hearted pirate Negaduck paced back and forth.

Some time had passed since he and his crew had escaped the hold - of his own ship, mark you - and set sail for revenge. 

There were, however, a few obstacles to overcome.

"We lost our treasure, our ship and our cursed reputations, all thanks to that so-called scourge Darkwing Doubloon!" The very name tasted like bile on his tongue, and not the good kind of bile. "I'm going to hang his carcass from my crow's nest next time I catch him."

Murderous rant cut off at the bow by a burst of beautiful burst of crimson laced canvas.  

The pirate captain reeled back in disgust. "Arrgh! But how will we ever catch him in this monstrosity?!" 

Gesturing around to their temporary new ship, the most flamboyantly fruity tall ship that ever flounced the seven seas.

Its owner, or previous owner, was a visitor to the King, a Duke with a penchant for the finest frilliest things, big plumes and delicate furnishings. It had been easy pickings but not easy on the eye. Not to some seafaring supervillains at least.

"This hardly be a ship for the most terrible and nefarious pirate Negaduck!"

Truly it was nearly as bad as overuse of the third person. 

[OOC: Yaarrr! This blog initially be reserved for Lilly, Quackerjack.. and anyone else seeking to play any of the rest of the Fearsome Five. Please mail me first regardless. Might open it up as we go or have multiple blogs afloat.]

    • Quackerjack

      ((OOC: I just realised QJ be the only one without a piratey makeover.))

      Quackerjack, as much as he'd like to keep things light-hearted, was wise enough to stay out of Negaduck's way as he grumbled and raged around the ship they'd recently nabbed. 

      Personally, he liked this ship. It was so bright and colourful!!! It'll probably be a lot of fun to explore the whole thing with Megsy, but probably not wise, not with their boss so mad. 

      What a shame. 

      "C'mon, Cap'n!" he said cheerfully, because the guy can't go long periods without cheering up (or, for a better word, annoying) someone. "We could always get another ship!"

      Well done stating the obvious, Quackerjack. 

      • Negaduck

        Annoying. That was definitely the word.

        "With what, Quackerjack? We have no cannons!"

        Directing, if the clown was foolish enough to skittle anywhere within throttling distance, those conveniently strangulable hat-tails so that the unfortunate jester/pirate would have no option but to notice the spot where their armament should have been. Even if he had to beat home the point, quite literally.

        "Warships don't just grow on trees, you know!"

        Snarling, Negaduck spun on the peg leg that also did not grow on a tree to return to the helm.

        "No, if we are to make a splash in the pirating world, we need serious weaponry. And that means gold. Lots of gold."

         To continue this line of pondering, he fell back into the captain's chair... and, thanks to the solid coat of well shined polish he was very much un-used to, fell right off.

        "Argh! What has that accursed girl been doing? OY, SERVANT." That bellowed, he ran a finger over the chair's surface. Not a lick of dirt. "This place is so filthy clean, it's disgusting."

        The odd opposite standards of villains. As if this world wasn't confusing enough as it was.

        • Lilly Teal
          Lilly Teal

          "Hm?" What is it? the 'servant girl' said in some confusion as she came out of one of the cabins. She wasn't exactly cut out for this, but she had done her best to clean up. It wasn't easy in these skirts but she was nothing if not persistent! And anyway, keeping busy was probably the only reason she hadn't been thrown overboard with the others.

          Had she missed something?

          "Something wrong?"

          • Negaduck

            "Have you been cleaning? I hate clean!" Circling like a particularly grimy shark. "Undo it all at once! Slime that seaboard! Mildew those masts!"

            Wrapping up this tirade by rounding on her. "Because if I can't get a good ransom for you, missy - then you'd better start giving me a good reason to keep you alive."

            Food was a limited resource, after all. Not half as limited as his patience.

            • Lilly Teal
              Lilly Teal

              It was very impressive how she managed to cringe and look mutinous all at once.

              "I'll just pull up some dirty seawater to pour everywhere, shall I?" she said semi-sarcastically. "Would you like to me tear some of the decor off too?"

              • Quackerjack

                Quackerjack snickered as he watched the exchange between his captain and the 'servant'. "Ooh," he poked at her playfully. "Don't be gettin' the boss mad now!" Then he looked serious. As serious as a court jester could be.

                "Seriously though, don't make him mad."

                • Negaduck

                  Negaduck was actually quite pleased with the young woman's suggestions - yes, that did sound like a good plan, well done - until Quackerjack cut in.

                  And promptly received the entire two tonne anchor over the skull.

                  "I'll show you serious, you empty-headed harlequin!"

                  Gloved hands thrown up in the air, fed up. How hard was it to get a bit of plotting conducive quiet?!

                  "I suppose if we had it your way, we'd give up on the pirate business, swap the swords for silky glamorous ensembles and sit around drinking tea like a bunch of proper ladies IS THAT RIGHT HUH." 

                  That. That is sarcasm. Do not answer that in the positive.

                  • DarkwingPsycho

                    "A-actually, tea sounds kinda nice..." Bushroot chimed in slowly from across deck.  "Ah, the days I'd spend sipping a nice camomile and admiring the peonies in my garden..."  He leaned against the railing wistfully.

                    He caught the murderous glare from their captain and instantly dropped his reverie.  "B-but, the grog we have here is m-much better than any ol' cup of camomile!"  He pretended to do something.

                    • Quackerjack

                      Quackerjack was still a bit woozy from the after-effects of literal anchoring, still managed a wide, happy grin, not catching Negaduck's sarcasm. He was then heartened by Bushroot's suggestion. 

                      "Heh-hey!" he cheered, clapping his hands together, unknowingly veering towards dangerous waters. "You're right, Cap'n! Why let all this go t'waste? With all the decor an' fancy stuff, we could hav'va PARTYYYYY! Hang on! I'll get the rum!" And the streamers! And the party balloons! Wait, were there even party balloons in this era? And the piñata!

                      Wow. Wouldn't that be GREAT. 

                      • Negaduck

                        Luck finally on his side, Quackerjack managed to bounce out of range before another ill-temptered throttling, leaving him to tear around the deck unchecked. This, predictably, did not improve Negaduck's mood.

                        "With this 'ship' the only party we would be throwing is the world's fanciest stockings shindig."

                        No sooner was that rumble out of his bill did a cloud of magnificently malicious masterminding settle over his brow.

                        "... Wait. That's it! One wench may not have got us a ransom, but imagine the booty if we lured a hundred women aboard, from the land's richest and most well-to-do families!"

                        His gloved hands practically clasped themselves at the thought! "After all, what lady could resist an exclusive female only frolic upon the glorious Duchess's Pearl? Haha!"

                        Turning to their little Lady Whatshername, who may or may not have been getting busy with the dirty dishwater. 

                        "And you're going to help us."

                        • Lilly Teal
                          Lilly Teal

                          "Me?!" she nearly dropped her bucket of dirty water in surprise.

                          Wouldn't that have been a disaster.

                          "How on earth am I supposed to help you?!" Much less WANT to help you kidnap people!

                          On the bright side. "So I shouldn't be dirtying the place after all!"

                          • Negaduck

                            "Maybe give that a rest for the moment." Kindly taking the bucket off her hands, and flinging it to one of his flunkies behind - who had better catch it or else they would be wearing it.

                            "I'm going to need those pretty little hands busy elsewhere." Guiding her, if she dare not resist, to the lower cabins. "For the invitations."

                            Not forgetting to delegate over his shoulder before they ducked inside, "Get this load of lumber looking fine and hold course for the city - we have a party to hold!"

                            Quackerjack, if nobody else, would be thrilled.

                            • DarkwingPsycho

                              Speaking of "wearing" the bucket, Bushroot managed to "catch" it on his head.  "Hey!" he cried.  "Guys, that's not funny!"  He moved around blindly and crashed into Megavolt.

                              From where he'd fallen on the deck, Bushroot lifted the bucket and looked anxious.  "A party...??"

                              • Quackerjack

                                "Whyyyy yes, Bushy!" Quackerjack re-emerged again in answer to Bushroot's question, this time holding a crate full of finely-crafted wine glasses. They didn't have tankards, but these would do just fine! 

                                And no, there were no party balloons in this era. But there were streamers!

                                He was so happy his boss was taking his advice and starting to brighten up, finally! 

                                "C'mon, c'mooooon!" he said, stopping to pull Bushroot up then beckoning him to come along, still holding the crate, now right above his head, as he looked for the banquet table. "You can help with the decorations! Sparky! You can impress everyone with your light show!" 

                                Quackerjack was in his element, and he was very happy. NOTHING was going to stop him now. And knowing his captain, they were going to have something crazy planned. 

                                • Lilly Teal
                                  Lilly Teal

                                  They were all completely insane.

                                  Was it still too late to jump overboard and try to swim for shore? She would probably sink like a stone in this dress.

                                  After a brief but fairly intense argument, Lilly was now resignedly penning invitations. And very pretty ones. No need to do a job badly even if you don't want to do it.

                                  Shooting a quick glace to the side, she wondered if she could get away with slipping in a little warning without being spotted.

                                  • Negaduck

                                    Probably, given their leader was preoccupied with staring out the portside windows. Much like the interior cabin, which was so girly and frilly he could barely stand to be inside without pulverising something, invitation creation was not his cup of dainty rose tea.

                                    Besides, he had provided his captive more than enough incentive to keep her on task without constant supervision.

                                    Yeah, that was it.

                                    "So, the Baroness Strange, Countess of Cornbill, Duchess von Thingy..." Counting off, albeit none too accurately, the end of a long list on his fingers. "Any other suggestions?"

                                    Looming over the finely etched writing desk because a reminder of how crucial the success of this venture was always helpful. As was standing in her light.

                                    • Lilly Teal
                                      Lilly Teal

                                      "You're in my light," she suggested.

                                      WELL. How did he expect her to work when he was in her light? Taking another sheet of paper, which conveniently obscured the fairly blatant 'this is a trap don't come' message on the one she had finished, she picked up her pen again.

                                      "I'd say you've got all of them already..."

                                      • Negaduck

                                        Satisfied, at least for that particular second, he stalked off again.

                                        "Good. Soon as we come alongside, I'll have you hit the town - with an appropriate escort, of course - to deliver them. Amazing all the fat cows that'll come a-mooing for the promise of a free feed!"

                                        Lovely metaphor, Negaduck. Well done.

                                        "They'll be too busy gorging themselves to realise we've set sail beyond the safety of their busy little harbour. Hahah!"

                                        Plot revelation and cackling. The plague of supervillains even back then.

                                        • Lilly Teal
                                          Lilly Teal

                                          "Well, that's them done," she sighed. "Though how you're going to send me out with an escort without getting arrested on sight is beyond me."

                                          The crew on the ship isn't exactly... subtle.

                                          • Negaduck

                                            Without a word of thanks he snatched the invitations up and examined... those funny squiggly ink marks. 

                                            Promptly they were slammed back down with the body language of, 'yes yes those are FINE nothing to see here'. 

                                            Back to her question, a wicked grin crept over his features. That was never a good sign.

                                            "You brought some clothes abroad? Let's sea your chest."

                                            And that was how Lady Lilly came to be standing on the gangway the next day, accompanied on either side by a crewmate. Dressed in the loveliest, frilliest finery a pirate would e'er lay hands on.

                                            "Be back here before the top of the hour." Negaduck, er, Lady Drakeskull was ordering from behind a lace fan. "If I have to go out there searching for your sorry hides, you'll be wishing the Kraken got you before I did!"

                                            [OOC: Whichever two Fearsome Five members get in first, drag up and accompany Lilly please. I'd keep it short, perhaps one post leaving and one post to return to the ship, unless you really want to cover anything else!] 

                                            • Quackerjack

                                              Quackerjack had volunteered to go, since he was the only one capable of acting like a lady, and willing to be caught dead in skirts and frills. Besides, the colours! He wouldn't pass this up for the world! 

                                              So accompanying Lady Lilly to send the invitations the very next day was the clown himself, jester hat tucked neatly into a lacy bonnet, dressed in a fine orange and red poofy gown, as he stood at the harbour with her. 

                                              He wished Megsy had come along, but he left a lot to be desired over his acting skills. So he made do with whoever came along as the other escort.

                                              Slinging an arm over the lady, he gave her a wide grin. "Soooo, where do we start?"

                                              • DarkwingPsycho

                                                ((OOC: Does she need one or two escorts?  I thought two?  If so, I'll add Bushy here - if not, I can delete this!!))

                                                Bushroot, in a fancy light blue number, fussed with his own bonnet, hoping his purple leaves didn't stick out.  "I don't see why we have to be ladies," he said a little sullenly.  "We could just as easily disguise ourselves as gentlemen!"

                                                He watched yearningly as a pair of stately looking officials walked by them with coiffed wigs and smart doublets.

                                                • Negaduck

                                                  [[OOC: I did mean for two. Yeah you guys go play, I mean, complete yer mission, make it snappy ;D]]

                                                  Bushroot would find a pretty folded lace fan coming down upon his bonneted head with the force of a tidal wave.

                                                  "Because we don't want to raise any suspicion, you dolt!"

                                                  Right, and a boss 'lady' with an arm of a prize fighter wouldn't do exactly that.

                                                  Straightening 'her' pastel pink skirts, which happened to be on the long side, Negaduck hissed as much follow-up explanation as he was prepared to give. "Unlike you clowns, ladies aren't any trouble." A bit of a crucial assumption there? "Ergo, we only want only ladies on board. And the only way we're going to get that if we give the impression this is a ladies only event."

                                                  Or that was the excuse anyway.

                                                  "So quit your belly-aching and get moving. Now! And don't take your eyes off of her!"

                                                  That done, off he went a-grumbling back on board the Duchess to ensure the Liquidator was clear (ba-dum tish) on  his ship guarding duties, then back out to go supply hunting with Megavolt in tow. In a lovely soft yellow number, whinging all the way.

                                                  "Good day, MadaaaaaammMmmMM!!" Two fine young gentlemen who had made the mistake of bowing to the passing 'ladies' found themselves taking an unexpected trip off the pier, thanks to a recalcitrant leg. 

                                                  "Oh dear!" Much 'womanly' gasping at the sight of the pair spluttering down below. Such shock! Why, they would have to hurry off for help!  

                                                  While tucking those swords he had liberated from the two as they had gone tumbling past into the folds of the back of his dress.

                                                  "Heh heh heh..."

                                                  So good to be back.

                                                  • Lilly Teal
                                                    Lilly Teal

                                                    Looking harried, Lilly held her invitations close to her chest as she was flanked on her way. Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear she had only managed to write a warning on one of them. Who could she give it to?

                                                    The police? Surely they wouldn't let her get away with giving an invitation to a man. Unless one of them was married, she might get away with that. Not that police had all that much much, in the way of ransom money. Not compared to counts and dukes.

                                                    Pulling a slightly strained smile on her face, she began passing them out, feeling supremely guilty all the while.

                                                    Things were going well (for the baddies), when an errant horse, still attached to cart, got a little jumpy and jumped a little too near. Startled, some of the invitations got knocked out of her hands and scattered in the breeze.

                                                    "Ah!" Waving at the other two to help her, she scooped up as many as she could.

                                                    The one with the warning, however, had flown off somewhere.

                                                    • Negaduck

                                                      [[OOC: All party ladies welcome abroad from this point on! No posting order yet because a) CHAOTIC EVIL and b) I will direct action as necessary. Splintering off to side blogs is fine. And no stress QJ! Let's get it started in here!]]

                                                      After that adventure, when they returned to the vessel, the sun was already taking cover below the horizon. 

                                                      That left quite the stunning backdrop for the Duchess's Pearl, lit up with a dozen strands of fairy lights Megavolt must have been coerced into providing. Lively music of a quartet emanated from the deck, indicating their industrious leader had been successful not only in acquiring supplies but entertainment as well. Amazing what you could do with a Duke's valuable possessions to hock and a little persuasion.

                                                      It, as the upper class would say, was about to go off.

                                                      As was Negaduck, in a less positive sense, when the threesome made their appearance on the gangway.

                                                      "About time you got here!" he snarled, practically throwing the two masquerading minions inside. "Start passing around the grub. Liquidator's on drinks. Only got to keep them happy till we pull anchor!"  

                                                      A hand shot out and snagged the back of Lady Lilly's dress before she could get far.

                                                      "Not you. You're going to help me greet our 'guests'."

                                                      Minimising how much I have to talk, not so much to cover my amazing voice, but because there's only so much nice I can do. Particularly to women.

                                                      Pirate party timmmme!