Ding Dong Death

Donald Duck trudged out of the elevator, his feet feeling like lead. He panted and groaned as he carried himself to his favorite armchair and flopped onto it.

There had been an unfortunate mess all the way on floor 58, and as Ducklair Tower's resident caretaker, he was saddled with the task of returning the place to its former spiffy glory.

It had taken him 4 hours, a myriad of cleaning products, and all the patience in the world to accomplish his task, and by the end, he wanted nothing more than to pass out in his favorite chair in front of the TV.

As he settled his rump upon the cushy seat, the buzzer rang, filling the floor with a grating noise.

"REALLY?!" he yelled. This was not going to be his night, was it?

Off he went back into the elevator to check who on Earth was dying to see him. He grumbled and seethed all the way down, eager to get this over with so he could get back to his well deserved relaxation.

The elevator slowed and stopped on the ground floor, the doors parting to reveal Donald's visitor.

"Alright, bub, whaddaya want?"

    • Harmonizer
      Harmonizer

      Out the door stood a tall robed figure with the stench of death and decay, holding a large gleaming scythe. 

      "Donald Fauntleory Duck, I presume?" he spoke in a deep, rattling voice that seemed to echo around the duck's head. 

      • Duck Avenger
        Duck Avenger

        "YEOW!" Bug-eyed and completely overtaken by fear, Donald ducked behind the front desk, trying to comprehend who was there before him.

        Was it? It couldn't be! Not here. Not now. Not for him!

        ...right?

        He peeked out slowly to get another look at the ghastly figure standing in Ducklair Tower's lobby.

        Yep, that was Death.

        Donald was regretting his earlier remark about how that cleaning job "literally killed" him.

        Donald shut his eyes and tried to slow his breathing. Courage, Don, courage. Who knows why he's here!

        "Uhhh, h-hey there," he stammered, emerging from the desk with as brave a front as he could muster. "What brings you to Duckburg, M-m-mister...uh..."

        • Harmonizer
          Harmonizer

          The shrouded apparition continued to stare at Donald ominously, only his head moving to keep his gaze eerily wherever the duck moved. 

          "I was sent to pay you a very personal visit, Mr. Duck. How is your health, and the kids?" 

          The scythe seemed to glint at Donald hungrily. Mmm, souls. 

          • Duck Avenger
            Duck Avenger

            personal visit? This was not looking good already. And seeing that scythe glisten in the neon glow of Duckburg at night did not help matters one bit.

            Donald squeezed his hat in his hands as cold sweat broke out on his brow. "Um, my nephews are doing just fine. I'm in pretty good shape myself, I would say."

            He flashed a grin at the specter in front of him, trying to maintain pleasant conversation despite the growing sense of doom he was feeling.

            • Harmonizer
              Harmonizer

              Death tilted his head to the side, and then- 

              Oh no he was reaching for the defenceless duck, ready to rip out his very soul-! 

              Pet pet rattle

              That was the sound of magical floating bones on soft feathers. 

              "Very admirable. I have two children I have cared for myself, but sometimes I think I could have done better- are you quite sure you are feeling alright, Mr. Duck? You look slightly feverish." 

              • Duck Avenger
                Duck Avenger

                The kindness of the gesture was lost on Donald as his knees knocked together and his teeth began to chatter.

                He fell to the ground and gripped the cloak of the mysterious guest. "Oh, please! Don't take me! There are so many things I haven't done yet! I haven't seen my boys off to college! I haven't inherited Uncle Scrooge's fortune! I haven't even tried the new deli on the corner!" he howled, his brave face gone, left to the wild abandon of complete hysterics.

                • Gladstone Gander
                  Gladstone Gander

                  Probably unheard over the pounding of a heart of questionable health (at the very least moderately clogged arteries because have you seen what Donald eats?) was a snickering from just outside of Death's door, or rather the door he'd come in through. Gladstone had to cover his mouth to stifle the sound least the gag get blown too soon... but then...

                  What was he doingYou're not supposed to be nice to him. I told you to do the whole 'cower brief mortals' bit! I wrote you a script and everything-ugh- nevermind.

                  Sliding into view only to lean casually against the nearest surface and admire his finger tips Gladstone grinned to himself, eternally amused, and smug as per his norm. 

                  "Cousin Donald," He crooned lightly before lifting his formidable eyebrows and glancing at the drake. "What have  you gotten yourself into now? Hm?  Well, can't say I'm surprised, I did always say this place was a..." Pause for effect, smirk still in place. "...Death Trap." 

                  • Harmonizer
                    Harmonizer

                    Death blinked and gazed down at the cowering, frightened man. What happened? He was nothing but polite! This behaviour was usually reserved for when people came face to face with him- well, technically, Donald was looking straight at him, but he had not even met his demise yet. 

                    He picked Donald up by his collar to look at him in concern, then glanced over at Gladstone when he showed up, still confused about the purpose of the visit, but he'd been happy to do his friend a favour. He was slightly regretting it; the poor duck was not taking it as well as his cousin did when they first met. 

                    "Really, why call it a me trap? I have got nothing to do with those malevolent contraptions. Murder trap sounds far more appropriate, you know," he pointed out. 

                    • Duck Avenger
                      Duck Avenger

                      "Gladstone!" he yelped, his thundering heart slightly appeased by the goose in green. On a normal day, the sight of his lucky cousin would be the low point of Donald's day, but now, he was just happy to see anyone that could talk him out of this Death grip he was now in.

                      When Death's offended response to Gladstone slithered through the air, Donald stopped shaking. It was suspicious for the almighty harbinger of lifelessness to be so chummy with Gladstone, no matter how lucky he was.

                      "Wha- he- a-and you..." Donald stuttered, trying to figure out what was going on.

                      Then it clicked.

                      "Gladstone...did you put Death up to this?!"

                      • Gladstone Gander
                        Gladstone Gander

                        "Murder traps? Murder... no that sounds like a-" He held up a hand to silence his overdramatic cousin, really he was trying to speak here. Manners Donald. "-like a scarecrow's brother. Get it? ...it's so hard to read your face. Clack your jaw once for yes, two for-"

                        Did you put Death up to this?

                        "Put him up to what? Introducing himself to you? Isn't that what people do when they first meet? Really Donnie boy you would think you've never seen an anthropomorphic personification before." 

                        • Duck Avenger
                          Duck Avenger

                          Donald shook his bill free from Gladstone's hold. "Don't talk to me like this is another howdy-doo! It's Death! You're only supposed to 'meet' him when- y-y-y-y'know!"

                          Donald crossed his arms and pouted. "Although, it is just your luck that you and Death are on first-name terms, cuz." Donald slathered that last word in a thick spread of disdain, continually jealous of how his cousin had an easy life just because fate bent to his will.

                          He turned his gaze to Death. "Alright. We've been properly introduced. How'd you get to know Mr. High and Haute over there?" he sneered, pointing to Gladstone.

                          • Harmonizer
                            Harmonizer

                             "But certain traps are designed to murder someone, are they not?" 

                            Then he looked hurt as the wheels clicked. "You put me up to this?" So much for being hard to read. Although it was more his hood than his face, and spookiness aside, for that one moment, he looked like a sad puppy under a black sheet. "You used me. I am upset, Gladstone. See you later." 

                            'Goodbye' would have been a better term, but in his line of work, it was always better to say that he would be seeing the addressed later, as they would always cross paths again eventually. 

                            He turned to go in a huff, then paused and turned back to Donald at his question, slowly tilting his head to the side. He didn't look scared anymore... but he was mad now? 

                            "Oh, it was very unfortunate. You see, he had been accidentally struck by a killing curse by two very careless wizards, and had a very eventful morning. Let us see... he had just barely missed the following; several swerving cars, two falling pianos, a poisoned rusty needle, hungry wild animals, at least... attempted impalement by several sharp objects only sixty three times, four hundred over diseases, attacked by lava at some point... it had become an annoyance, so we took him to see his dear friend, Magica De Spell, where we found she had been keeping a soul in her possession. I convinced her to free the spirit, and she was able to cure him for a rose. I then quit my job for a while to live with him, we tracked down the wizards to give them a stern talking-to, whereupon Gladstone was turned into a hairless rabbit by accident, then we visited a gravesite, where he proceeded to get himself captured by a cult very determined to be rid of me, and they nearly succeeded but... he saved me. The rest of the day was spent very peacefully. It was fun." 

                            • Duck Avenger
                              Duck Avenger

                              As Death rattled off each unfortunate event, Donald's beak dropped closer and closer to the floor. A shocking series of mishaps sure, and avoiding them would be unfathomably lucky for any old joe.

                              But he knew Gladstone Gander was not any old joe.

                              Which made the fact that the universe was apparently out to get him all the more hilarious.

                              Death turned back to the street and slithered out of the building. When the glass doors closed, Donald let out the laughs building in his throat. "What happened, Gladstone? Wake up on the wrong side of that barn?” He bent over, laughing at his cousin’s unusually unlucky expense. “I suppose I should thank you for introducing me. Even if he scared the bejeezus outta me, I think me and Death are gonna be good friends.”

                              Donald turned on his heel and chuckled all the way to the elevator, disappearing behind its gliding doors.

                              • Gladstone Gander
                                Gladstone Gander

                                "Used you for what-"

                                But then the whole thing fell apart. You're not supposed to tell people the whole dang story Death. Especially when it ended in Donald laughing. Gladstone did what any reasonable adult would do and folded his arms across his chest in a huff.

                                "Well you're welcome!" He shouted after his cousin. "I'm sure you two will get along like a house on fire! AND-" he tried to shout through the closing elevator doors. "-THE FACT THAT I DIDN'T DIE DESPITE HOW MANY TIMES I ALMOST DID SHOULD CLUE YOU INTO THE FACT THAT MY LUCK WAS-he's gone." Grumbling to himself he turned to frown at the Reaper. "It was only a joke, and somehow he-" He motioned vehemently to the elevator. "Got the last laugh so the 'you being upset with me' argument has no femur to stand on as far as I'm concerned. So whatever,  let's just drop it and go get lunch. I absolutely could murder a curry after all this." 

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