When Violence Fails...

Negaduck 

One miserably bright, sunny day in St Canard, a supervillain was hiding around a street corner, absurdly large mallet in hand (do you even lift, bro?).. waiting...

He had seen some fluffy innocent creatures hopping that way and would, at the right moment, jump out to squish them.

'Good guy' status. Hah. What a laugh.

 

NegaGos 

It was just at that moment, that a familiar, pretty pink young child could be seen skipping around the corner so that her ringlets bounced merrily, humming a happy little tune to herself. Was this... his lucky day? 

    • Negaduck
      Negaduck

      Eyes narrowed. Of all the cutesy things to come skipping by, it had to be the one he couldn't smoosh.

      Still, he could give her a fright. 

      "Hah!"

      Leaping out he took a massive swing aimed at her curls mid-bob - man he hated those wretchedly sweet ringlets - and was surprised to feel it connect to something besides luscious locks. 

      Not Gosalyn, but a huge street thug who had sprung out from behind her. The would be assailant's masked eyes rolled back and he toppled over like an unconscious pine tree. 

      Huh. Hadn't expected that. 

      • (Nega) Gosalyn Waddlemeyer Mallard
        (Nega) Gosalyn Waddlemeyer Mallard

        Gosalyn let out an adorable squeak of fright when a familiar figure jumped out and struck out at her, but what was even more surprising was what he'd actually done. 

        Eyes wide, she stared at the crook who had been sneaking up on her, before turning to to Negaduck. 

        "You... you saved me...?" 

        Without warning, she rushed at him, and hugged him tight. 

        "Thank you so much!! Oh, thank you!!" 

        She stared up at him eagerly. "Does that mean you're good now?" 

        • Negaduck
          Negaduck

          It was like pulling gum off the bottom of your shoe. Despite normally being a fan of such littering, Negaduck was not a fan of this.

          "Have you inhaled so much glitter it's lodged in your brain?" Freedom achieved, for the moment, he flung the mallet carelessly into traffic.

          Good now? Hah!

          "I just like wailing on people!"

          The fact that she in that part of the multiverse at all was pure coincidence. 

          "Consider yourself lucky I wasn't aiming lower."

          Not that he would want to clobber her. For reasons. 

          • (Nega) Gosalyn Waddlemeyer Mallard
            (Nega) Gosalyn Waddlemeyer Mallard

            Gosalyn giggled and bounced up and down, completely undeterred by his rejection. 

            "You did it! I knew you could do it! I knew you could be nice! Oh, Negaduck... to think I nearly gave up hope. I'm so sorry!" she said, tugging on his hand now as she looked up at him earnestly, her tail happily wiggling. 

            "Does that mean you're going to apologise to dad, and Ariana and Darkwing, and all those people you did mean things to?" 

            • Negaduck
              Negaduck

              "Are you nuts?" As if her undeterred optimism wasn't proof enough. "I'd need a blimp and four international translators to even reach a quarter of the knobs I've 'wronged' in just the last week!"

              ***

              And suddenly time flew by and they were on an appropriately colour coordinated blimp plastered with his likeness and a massive moving message: I'M SORRY I'M A DUCKHEAD

              A megaphone was raised to Negaduck's bill, then lowered. The translators waited on a bench behind him, notepads at the ready.

              So many questions.

              "Why am I doing this again?"

              And who slipped something in my coffee to allow this to happen.

               

              • (Nega) Gosalyn Waddlemeyer Mallard
                (Nega) Gosalyn Waddlemeyer Mallard

                Gosalyn was by his side, still holding his hand as if to encourage him. She was smiling all over. This was probably the best day of her life. Her love for him actually did something after all! 

                "Because you want to change now, da- Negaduck!" she smiled. "You can do it! I'm so proud of you!!" 

                • Negaduck
                  Negaduck

                  NO HE DID NOT WANT TO CHANGE.

                  HE WANTED TO CHANGE AS MUCH AS RUSTED ON RIVETS ON A OUTHOUSE WALL.

                  He couldn't tell that to those adoring eyes, however, ohhhnoo, because that wouldn't be very nice.

                  Apparently bashing his own beak in with a megaphone wasn't very nice either, because he didn't seem to be able to do that.

                  "ATTENTION LOSER-- ngh, ST CANARD CITIZENS. I HAVE BEEN INFORMED BY A SMALL CHILD THAT I HAVE BEEN 'MEAN' TO SOME OF YOU-" The yelling from below was enough to force a correction. "ALL OF YOU, AND 'THAT'S NOT VERY NEAT AND STUFF'. I AM SORRY. I SUCK. IF YOU CARE TO MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE CORNER OF QUILL AND MAIN, THERE WILL BE A COMPLIMENTARY POODLE AND MATCHING ICECREAM FOR EACH OF YOU."

                  To Gosalyn, he queried, "Did you have to dye those fuzzballs pink?"

                  Would it have made it any better if she hadn't?

                  • (Nega) Gosalyn Waddlemeyer Mallard
                    (Nega) Gosalyn Waddlemeyer Mallard

                    "Yay! Go, Negaduck!!" Gosalyn cheered and clapped wildly, and was... probably the only person to do so. The citizens were just stunned and shocked into silence, only moving forward mindlessly to the street when "poodle" and "ice cream" were mentioned. 

                    "It makes them smell like strawberries, and is very safe!" she answered with a giggle, picking up one that had stowed away, cuddling it and holding it up to Negaduck. "See? Smell it!" 

                    The poodle panted happily at Negaduck, its little tail wag-wag-wagging. Friends? 

                    • Negaduck
                      Negaduck

                      "GWAH!"

                      Nice or not, intense cuteness was not high up on the list of Good Things to Shove in Negaduck's Face. 

                      Up against the blimp's guard rail already didn't give him much room to reel away... except straight down. 

                      "EEEEEEEEYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.......!!!"

                      Far below, somewhere around Central Park, a thud.

                      What were the chances he had fallen into a soft tree canopy or sandpit?

                      Not great. 

                      • (Nega) Gosalyn Waddlemeyer Mallard
                        (Nega) Gosalyn Waddlemeyer Mallard

                        Gosalyn's eyes widened and she rushed over to peek over the railing. "Papa?" 

                        All boundaries out the window. Gone. Poof. 

                        She wasn't very concerned, but only because she was used to him Negafalling from great heights and surviving. 

                        The good news was, he landed straight onto a picnic mat, spread out in the grass, in pink and purple hues. 

                        Soon, the blimp descended, and Gosalyn came running over, the pink fluffball puppy still in her hands. "Papa! Are you okay?" 

                        • NegaMalicia
                          NegaMalicia

                          Too bad he hadn't landed on the two soft pillowy things next to the picnic mat. 

                          "Oh, Mr. Negaduck! You showed up on time!" The owner of said things smiled brightly at him. "Do you like potato salad? I also brought some cole-slaw, I hear that is a delicious and common picnicking item. Not that I'm truly sure, since you outlawed picnics and other such happy family events back home." 

                          NegaMal had indeed set up quite a display, and it was evident she'd been using photo reference to match what one might generally consider to be a proper, wholesome picnic. Except her references were likely outdated as there appeared to be a vast array of jello molds with all manner of things embedded within the jiggly mixtures - from macaroni to chunks of ham. 

                          She handed him a plate with one particularly interesting mixture of "food" atop it.  "Dig in!"

                          • Negaduck
                            Negaduck

                            The fall was not great. The indentation he had to climb out of to recover from the fall was not great either. He would've done it twice over, however, if he meant not having those quivering lumps shoved in his face.

                            "That.. looks.. divine." Pauses thanks to needing to speak without hurling. "How.. thoughtful of you."

                            Shakily taking a spoon - was that how you were meant to eat it? or maybe you weren't meant to eat it at all - he brought some to his bill. Slowly. Hesitatingly. Somebody save him now, please. 

                            • (Nega) Gosalyn Waddlemeyer Mallard
                              (Nega) Gosalyn Waddlemeyer Mallard

                              "Dad, dad! Hurry!!" Came the sound of the worried child as she pulled a nicely dressed mallard along by his hand towards the picnic. "I think papa fell that way, we need to check if he's okay!" 

                              While Gosalyn still had a habit of collecting moms, she only ever had two fathers. 

                              Make a wild guess who the 'papa' is, dad. 

                              • NegaMalicia
                                NegaMalicia

                                Like a puppy awaiting positive reinforcement, NegaMal simply stared at Negaduck with those wide, bright eyes, her hands eagerly clasped together. 

                                "I made that one especially for you." She said proudly. "I read in the cookbook that this is the meal of choice for mass-oh-kisses. Everyone loves kisses!" 

                                 

                                • Quiverwing Duck
                                  Quiverwing Duck

                                  A picnic in the park. Food, open air, trees and grass; so many terrible things rolled into a single experience.

                                  When not leaping around in a colorful costume to thwart crime--although recently it was more like skulking around in a gloomy dark outfit to terrify criminals nigh unto incontinence--Quiverwing Duck had a mild-mannered alter ego much like many other masked vigilantes. In his case it was as Drake Mallard, private investigator, and occasional freelance agent for SHUSH. This only proved that he had no idea what ‘mild-mannered’ actually meant.

                                  Maskless and wearing a suit and tie, Drake was absolutely not dressed for a picnic, nor would he ever dress for a picnic, because picnics were terrible. However, he found it impossible to resist Gosalyn when she wanted something from him. Even when she wanted him to check on the health of ‘papa’, because Drake knew who that was.

                                  “Yeah,” he said, flatly. “Maybe I can put him out of our misery.”

                                  • Negaduck
                                    Negaduck

                                    Oh thank merciless heaven a distraction. 

                                    "Oh hello Gos." The fork lowered only millimetres away from his bill. "Who's this, a new friend?"

                                    Kindly, Negacia's quaking sausage fest was practically thrust into the newcomer's hands. 

                                    "You must try this. It is to die for."

                                    Poor choice of words. Or, perhaps, they were merely hopeful.