When Violence Fails...


One miserably bright, sunny day in St Canard, a supervillain was hiding around a street corner, absurdly large mallet in hand (do you even lift, bro?).. waiting...

He had seen some fluffy innocent creatures hopping that way and would, at the right moment, jump out to squish them.

'Good guy' status. Hah. What a laugh.



It was just at that moment, that a familiar, pretty pink young child could be seen skipping around the corner so that her ringlets bounced merrily, humming a happy little tune to herself. Was this... his lucky day? 

    • Negaduck

      Eyes narrowed. Of all the cutesy things to come skipping by, it had to be the one he couldn't smoosh.

      Still, he could give her a fright. 


      Leaping out he took a massive swing aimed at her curls mid-bob - man he hated those wretchedly sweet ringlets - and was surprised to feel it connect to something besides luscious locks. 

      Not Gosalyn, but a huge street thug who had sprung out from behind her. The would be assailant's masked eyes rolled back and he toppled over like an unconscious pine tree. 

      Huh. Hadn't expected that. 

      • (Nega) Gosalyn Waddlemeyer Mallard
        (Nega) Gosalyn Waddlemeyer Mallard

        Gosalyn let out an adorable squeak of fright when a familiar figure jumped out and struck out at her, but what was even more surprising was what he'd actually done. 

        Eyes wide, she stared at the crook who had been sneaking up on her, before turning to to Negaduck. 

        "You... you saved me...?" 

        Without warning, she rushed at him, and hugged him tight. 

        "Thank you so much!! Oh, thank you!!" 

        She stared up at him eagerly. "Does that mean you're good now?" 

        • Negaduck

          It was like pulling gum off the bottom of your shoe. Despite normally being a fan of such littering, Negaduck was not a fan of this.

          "Have you inhaled so much glitter it's lodged in your brain?" Freedom achieved, for the moment, he flung the mallet carelessly into traffic.

          Good now? Hah!

          "I just like wailing on people!"

          The fact that she in that part of the multiverse at all was pure coincidence. 

          "Consider yourself lucky I wasn't aiming lower."

          Not that he would want to clobber her. For reasons. 

          • (Nega) Gosalyn Waddlemeyer Mallard
            (Nega) Gosalyn Waddlemeyer Mallard

            Gosalyn giggled and bounced up and down, completely undeterred by his rejection. 

            "You did it! I knew you could do it! I knew you could be nice! Oh, Negaduck... to think I nearly gave up hope. I'm so sorry!" she said, tugging on his hand now as she looked up at him earnestly, her tail happily wiggling. 

            "Does that mean you're going to apologise to dad, and Ariana and Darkwing, and all those people you did mean things to?" 

            • Negaduck

              "Are you nuts?" As if her undeterred optimism wasn't proof enough. "I'd need a blimp and four international translators to even reach a quarter of the knobs I've 'wronged' in just the last week!"


              And suddenly time flew by and they were on an appropriately colour coordinated blimp plastered with his likeness and a massive moving message: I'M SORRY I'M A DUCKHEAD

              A megaphone was raised to Negaduck's bill, then lowered. The translators waited on a bench behind him, notepads at the ready.

              So many questions.

              "Why am I doing this again?"

              And who slipped something in my coffee to allow this to happen.


              • (Nega) Gosalyn Waddlemeyer Mallard
                (Nega) Gosalyn Waddlemeyer Mallard

                Gosalyn was by his side, still holding his hand as if to encourage him. She was smiling all over. This was probably the best day of her life. Her love for him actually did something after all! 

                "Because you want to change now, da- Negaduck!" she smiled. "You can do it! I'm so proud of you!!" 

                • Negaduck

                  NO HE DID NOT WANT TO CHANGE.


                  He couldn't tell that to those adoring eyes, however, ohhhnoo, because that wouldn't be very nice.

                  Apparently bashing his own beak in with a megaphone wasn't very nice either, because he didn't seem to be able to do that.


                  To Gosalyn, he queried, "Did you have to dye those fuzzballs pink?"

                  Would it have made it any better if she hadn't?

                  • (Nega) Gosalyn Waddlemeyer Mallard
                    (Nega) Gosalyn Waddlemeyer Mallard

                    "Yay! Go, Negaduck!!" Gosalyn cheered and clapped wildly, and was... probably the only person to do so. The citizens were just stunned and shocked into silence, only moving forward mindlessly to the street when "poodle" and "ice cream" were mentioned. 

                    "It makes them smell like strawberries, and is very safe!" she answered with a giggle, picking up one that had stowed away, cuddling it and holding it up to Negaduck. "See? Smell it!" 

                    The poodle panted happily at Negaduck, its little tail wag-wag-wagging. Friends? 

                    • Negaduck


                      Nice or not, intense cuteness was not high up on the list of Good Things to Shove in Negaduck's Face. 

                      Up against the blimp's guard rail already didn't give him much room to reel away... except straight down. 


                      Far below, somewhere around Central Park, a thud.

                      What were the chances he had fallen into a soft tree canopy or sandpit?

                      Not great. 

                      • (Nega) Gosalyn Waddlemeyer Mallard
                        (Nega) Gosalyn Waddlemeyer Mallard

                        Gosalyn's eyes widened and she rushed over to peek over the railing. "Papa?" 

                        All boundaries out the window. Gone. Poof. 

                        She wasn't very concerned, but only because she was used to him Negafalling from great heights and surviving. 

                        The good news was, he landed straight onto a picnic mat, spread out in the grass, in pink and purple hues. 

                        Soon, the blimp descended, and Gosalyn came running over, the pink fluffball puppy still in her hands. "Papa! Are you okay?" 

                        • NegaMalicia

                          Too bad he hadn't landed on the two soft pillowy things next to the picnic mat. 

                          "Oh, Mr. Negaduck! You showed up on time!" The owner of said things smiled brightly at him. "Do you like potato salad? I also brought some cole-slaw, I hear that is a delicious and common picnicking item. Not that I'm truly sure, since you outlawed picnics and other such happy family events back home." 

                          NegaMal had indeed set up quite a display, and it was evident she'd been using photo reference to match what one might generally consider to be a proper, wholesome picnic. Except her references were likely outdated as there appeared to be a vast array of jello molds with all manner of things embedded within the jiggly mixtures - from macaroni to chunks of ham. 

                          She handed him a plate with one particularly interesting mixture of "food" atop it.  "Dig in!"

                          • Negaduck

                            The fall was not great. The indentation he had to climb out of to recover from the fall was not great either. He would've done it twice over, however, if he meant not having those quivering lumps shoved in his face.

                            "That.. looks.. divine." Pauses thanks to needing to speak without hurling. "How.. thoughtful of you."

                            Shakily taking a spoon - was that how you were meant to eat it? or maybe you weren't meant to eat it at all - he brought some to his bill. Slowly. Hesitatingly. Somebody save him now, please. 

                            • (Nega) Gosalyn Waddlemeyer Mallard
                              (Nega) Gosalyn Waddlemeyer Mallard

                              "Dad, dad! Hurry!!" Came the sound of the worried child as she pulled a nicely dressed mallard along by his hand towards the picnic. "I think papa fell that way, we need to check if he's okay!" 

                              While Gosalyn still had a habit of collecting moms, she only ever had two fathers. 

                              Make a wild guess who the 'papa' is, dad. 

                              • NegaMalicia

                                Like a puppy awaiting positive reinforcement, NegaMal simply stared at Negaduck with those wide, bright eyes, her hands eagerly clasped together. 

                                "I made that one especially for you." She said proudly. "I read in the cookbook that this is the meal of choice for mass-oh-kisses. Everyone loves kisses!" 


                                • Quiverwing Duck
                                  Quiverwing Duck

                                  A picnic in the park. Food, open air, trees and grass; so many terrible things rolled into a single experience.

                                  When not leaping around in a colorful costume to thwart crime--although recently it was more like skulking around in a gloomy dark outfit to terrify criminals nigh unto incontinence--Quiverwing Duck had a mild-mannered alter ego much like many other masked vigilantes. In his case it was as Drake Mallard, private investigator, and occasional freelance agent for SHUSH. This only proved that he had no idea what ‘mild-mannered’ actually meant.

                                  Maskless and wearing a suit and tie, Drake was absolutely not dressed for a picnic, nor would he ever dress for a picnic, because picnics were terrible. However, he found it impossible to resist Gosalyn when she wanted something from him. Even when she wanted him to check on the health of ‘papa’, because Drake knew who that was.

                                  “Yeah,” he said, flatly. “Maybe I can put him out of our misery.”

                                  • Negaduck

                                    Oh thank merciless heaven a distraction. 

                                    "Oh hello Gos." The fork lowered only millimetres away from his bill. "Who's this, a new friend?"

                                    Kindly, Negacia's quaking sausage fest was practically thrust into the newcomer's hands. 

                                    "You must try this. It is to die for."

                                    Poor choice of words. Or, perhaps, they were merely hopeful. 

                                    • (Nega) Gosalyn Waddlemeyer Mallard
                                      (Nega) Gosalyn Waddlemeyer Mallard

                                      "Papa, you're okay!!" Gosalyn hugged him tightly. "Ooh  what a delightful little picnic, are you expecting- MALICIA!!" 

                                      The little girl literally pounced into the winged angel for a hug. For a moment, it looked like she might be swallowed whole by her very impressive cleavage, but that was fortunately not the case. "Did you make all this? It looks amazing!! Can I have some, please?" 

                                      After getting over her excitement, she realised she probably had to explain a few things to them. 

                                      "Papa, meet my dad! He's been caring for me all this time, and I love him!! Dad, did you know Negaduck is good now?" she giggled and hopped up and down. "He saved me just now, and he even said sorry to everyone! And he gave everyone a pink puppy!! I'm so proud of him!!" 

                                      She crashed against Negaduck, hugging him tightly again. 

                                      "Dad, can we keep him? Can we? Can we? Pleeeaaase?" 

                                      • NegaMalicia

                                        "GOSALYN!" The angel squeaked happily. "I made the marshmallow gelatin especially for you, I know how much you love marshmallows!"

                                        She joined Gosalyn in her pleading. "Yes! Can we keep a puppy?" As if the rakish rogue had unintentionally gained himself a second (and more horrifying of a concept) daughter. 

                                        • Negaduck

                                          The world was saved from Negacia's sausage on account of the crash tackle, bits of lima beans scattering like larvae off casu marzu.

                                          "Girls and their fondness for beasts, eh?" chuckled the felon good naturedly, an adjective that was so rarely coupled with Negaduck even the word itself got nervous.

                                          "Wherever are my manners? I'm Negaduck, the greatest ever ex-criminal." Even a Nice spell couldn't repress that ego. "And you are-"

                                          The question mark got cut off by a spark of recognition that took hold just as Negaduck took hold of Drake in a friendly handshake.

                                          "-Oddly familiar."

                                          Hasn't let go of the hand yet, too wrapt in studying the other's face with rising suspicion. The tension, so thick you could cut it with a spam knife.

                                          • Quiverwing Duck
                                            Quiverwing Duck

                                            There was a harrowing moment when Drake thought he might have to actually eat something, but when the plate of spam 'n limas was accidentally knocked aside by a ballistic Gosalyn, the food hit the ground where it would go on to terrify the local ants.

                                            There was no time to celebrate this win, because Gosalyn and the buxom angel woman were pleading for--what, exactly? A puppy? Negaduck? A pet Negaduck? Is that what they wanted? Drake had opened his bill to refuse what was clearly a disturbing request, but Negaduck was...

                                            ...shaking his hand?

                                            "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Negaduck. My name is Drake," said Drake as he returned the handshake, vaguely horrified with himself as he automatically engaged in appropriate politesse. It also meant he couldn't clobber Negaduck, because under the circumstances, it would be incredibly rude.

                                            He really only had two ways to deal with things, and since 'violence' was out, he had to go with the other. Giving Negaduck an amiable smile, he said, "If you frequent clubs with live jazz music, perhaps you've seen me. I play the saxophone. Usually lurking at the back of the stage." Drake then tipped his hat to Winglicia. "Hello, ma'am."

                                            • (Nega) Gosalyn Waddlemeyer Mallard
                                              (Nega) Gosalyn Waddlemeyer Mallard

                                              "Gelatin? As in marshmallow jelly?" If Gosalyn's eyes were any bigger they'd fall out. "That sounds delicious!! I'd love to try some! Thank you so much for thinking of me!" 

                                              She giggled when Winglicia confused her pleading to keep Negaduck with keeping the puppy. Said puppy was now sniffing the anhel ciriously before wagging his dyed pink puffball of a tail. Friends? "I mean, I would love to keep the puppy too! But I was wondering if we could let Negaduck stay over? I could teach him to do housework or find a job! He can help with my glitter project! I know you don't like glitter, dad, but papa gets so excited over it! And then the three of us can read each other stories or sing lullabies! We'll be like a family!" 

                                              She teared up and clasped her hands together as she saw Negaduck and Quiverwing shaking hands. "Aww, you both are getting along together so well! I knew you guys could do it!" she patted them both on the arm, giving Negaduck an extra squeeze of encouragement. 

                                              • NegaMalicia

                                                "Papa?" Negacia gasped in surprise.

                                                "Gosalyn, I didn't know you had TWO daddies now! You're so lucky!" Wait, shouldn't she be fully aware of the Friendly Four and Negaduck? Oh that's right, Negacia is a moron who doesn't know how to math. 

                                                "You know I was at a bookstore recently run by this very nice lady and she had this great book about kids with two daddies! I bet you'd love it!"

                                                • Negaduck

                                                  "Yeah, not my kind of club..."

                                                  Was that lingering suspicion? Something didn't quite line up, but of course Negaduck was too nice to address it directly. 

                                                  Fortunately there were two children, one slightly bigger than the other, requiring his attention.

                                                  "That's a very kind-" And nightmareish bwerg he could not imagine anything worse. "-offer, sweetcurls. But I don't belong here."

                                                  Lowering to one knee in front of his longtime ward to look properly into her eyes.

                                                  "And neither do you, kid."

                                                  It was not a rebuke, only a statement of fact. He brushed a stray strand of those brilliant red locks from her eyes.

                                                  "We need you, your boundless spirit and yeah your tubs of glitter to set a whole world right. I need you."

                                                  Shaking inhale. It was more vulnerability than he had permitted himself his entire life and he was placing it in the hands of a child.

                                                  Yet he knew there was nobody nicer to handle it.

                                                  "Come home, Gos."

                                                  Possibly the first ever time he had used her name. So much emotion. So heartwarmingly tender. And thanks to the stupid curse, he didn't even have to try! Bahaha!

                                                  • Quiverwing Duck
                                                    Quiverwing Duck

                                                    Things were becoming surreal. No one present belonged where they were. Which was to say, the dimension they were currently in, not the picnic. But the picnic, too, because picnics were terrible.

                                                    It was with growing apprehension that Drake listened to what Negaduck was saying. The worst part was that what he was saying wasn't wrong. That didn't mean Drake had to like it, though.

                                                    In a steady and reasonable tone of voice, Drake said, "She has a home. It's here, with me."

                                                    • (Nega) Gosalyn Waddlemeyer Mallard
                                                      (Nega) Gosalyn Waddlemeyer Mallard

                                                      Gosalyn's eyes widened. She already had her at 'book', but the story sounded just like her!! She had to find that story! 

                                                      Bobbing up and down in her seat and causing the half-eaten gelatin on her plate to wobble, she was about to ask Winglicia more about the book. And then Negaduck spoke. 

                                                      She glanced at him, almost transfixed when he said their world needed her to be fixed. He needed her. Touched her so gently. Called her by her name. She couldn't remember when he sounded and felt so sincere, and hugged him tightly, suddenly sniffling a little. 

                                                      Drake's voice snaped her out of it, though, and she looked back at him with a smile. Even though she knew he would never hurt her or abandon her, it was always really nice to hear she was wanted. And she knew why. 

                                                      "Dad needs me more..." she said quietly, clasping Negaduck's hand in her small palms. "He already lost someone he cared about. That's why I'm here for him. Buuuuut..." 

                                                      She glanced up at the winged Malicia with a sparkle in her eyes. 

                                                      "Malicia is already here for you. And she'll always be happy to help. With her powers, she can do so much more than I can! Ooh, what if we all go to the Negaverse, and we can all teach you to be good?"