With girlfriends like these, who needs enemies?

(continued from MG's messageboard)

"Sooooo, snuggle-bunny, where are we going?" Mother Goose asked, innocently trusting Negaduck to led her somewhere fun and exciting and not into a bear trap. Sure, the malignant masked mallard was a little rough on the outside- did he ever wash his suit? it was such an oddly abrasive fabric against her feathers- but there was a roguish charm there that was very compelling.

    • Negaduck
      Negaduck

      "The pulp mill if you call me bunny-anything one more time." It was a grumble she might have caught or might have missed, but she would be definitely catching something upside the head if his temper didn't hold out. 

      For the meantime, however, everything was going smoothly. 

      "Oh, nowhere special," he said to actually answer the question. "Only-"

      Dramatic rounding of a corner.

      "Bullgari, the swankiest jeweller to ever have the sorry judgement to open their doors in St Canard."

      Sure, they had security to match, but no security was ever a match for Negaduck.

      "But first, disguises."

      Moments later, the heavy door was kicked open by... Negaduck, wearing exactly his usual outfit, but with the notable addition of sunglasses

      "Sir," The manager already hurrying over, as if this was a regular jerk and not a superpowered one. "Viewings are by appointment only-"

      He shut up quickly though after getting pinged in the head by a number of hefty wads of cash. 

      "W-were you interested in the Classic or Ice Ice Baby collection today Sir?"

      Heh. That was more like it. 

      • Mother Goose
        Mother Goose

        "Eeeeeeeeee, Negsy!" Mother Goose squealed, completely missing his not-so-subtle disdain for adorable nicknames. "You shouldn't have-" she gushed happily, hanging off his arm like a particularly gaudy bobble.

        Mother Goose was clearly going for a kind of gangster moll look, having removed her hat and accepting Negaduck's thoughtfully supplied boa, although someone should really tell him that it was supposed to be a feather boa. As it was, the massive boa constrictor winding around the goose's shoulders seemed to be selling the 'crazy rich couple' disguise. "Just bring out everything, hon," she winked.

        • Negaduck
          Negaduck

          The snake in disguise leaned forward to appreciate the snake as disguise, declaring in that deep, double meaning rumble,

          "My girl can have whatever she wants."

          As the attendants strambled to fetch the highest quality and ergo highest marked up gear from the back, Negaduck propped against a display, running a hand through the golden goods.

          "So, new on the big stage and you're already familiar with some of the more annoying avengers. What other-" What was the best word. "Exciting personalities are you entangled with?"

          Dirt digging. Next to fondling other people's treasures, dirt had to be one of his favourite things.

          • Mother Goose
            Mother Goose

            The golden goose giggled, flattered by the attention and the growing piles of glittery things.

            "Oooo, I've made so many new friends. There's Lilly, she's a peach, and Ari and Gladdy-" She blinked, as if remembering something important.

            "Ooh, but you already know Gladstone Gander, don't you? He has so many nicknames for you, you must be the best of friends~!" Mother Goose continued blithely, patting Negaduck's hand.

            "Maybe you can introduce me to your other friends!" she suggested. "I have all your newspaper clippings from when you were in the Fearsome Five~" This was said in the same gleeful tone she'd use for describing how she saved her ticket stubs to boyband that later broke up but might still do a big farewell tour. "I'd love to meet all the really big players~"

            • Negaduck
              Negaduck

              The obvious 'they don't come any bigger than me' line missed as Negaduck was too busy managing his forehead.

              "Waitasec, you've been skipping around for all of two minutes and you're connected to Bookshop Betty and Luck for Brains?"

              To the universe more than anyone he let out a howl,

              "What, are there only ten people in this town or something?!"

              Calming, in the sense of shifting from outrage to brewing anger, he regarded her over the tops of those oh so stylish sunglasses.

              "Friends, is that what you think?"

              She clearly didn't think very hard.

              • Mother Goose
                Mother Goose

                So no introduction to the Fearsome Five then? Aww, bummer.

                Mother Goose's frown didn't last long, between the heaps of jewelry the clerks were shoving onto the counters and Negaduck's jokes.

                "Well, you can't be enemies!" Briar laughed. Nobody ever told her that Negaduck was so funny! "Like Gladdy has the energy to be a- a crime-fighter!" The very idea. Gladstone Gander, going out of his way, to volunteer- no, work for the safety of the community with no guaranteed spotlight.

                "I'm pretty sure I saw Gladdy stop to take a nap in middle of pouring his own breakfast cereal," the goose confided.

                • Negaduck
                  Negaduck

                  Glower. Can't be enemies? Lady, thou doth mistake the extent of mine hatred. For everyone. 

                  "It's that stupid luck of his, he'd use it for life support if he had to." Personal experience speaking. 

                  Flicking an emerald earring away in disgust, a thought struck. 

                  "I don't suppose you know any way to.. negate it?"

                  No harm in asking, since we're not enemies and all. 

                  • Mother Goose
                    Mother Goose

                    "Oh gosh, I don't know!" Mother Goose said, tapping her beak with a finger as she thought. "Maybe like... black cats and spilled salt and broken mirrors?" she mused. "That might just scare him though, Gladdy's so darn superstitious..."

                    Vague suspicion ghosted across her mind.

                    "...Why would you want to turn his luck, Googly Bear?"

                    She scooted closer to Negaduck, trying to gauge his sincerity.

                    • Negaduck
                      Negaduck

                      Superstitious hey? Filing that away in the 'good to know' drawer. 

                      Her question and somewhat infuriating canoodling however ceased any plotting that may have involved gluing black cats to a ten foot cattle prod and brought him back to this loose definition of reality. 

                      "Why? You mean why would I want to remove the one impediment to my scooping out that useless skull of his and turning it into a button holder?"

                      Got to store those spare buttons somewhere. 

                      "The one impediment to endlessly throttling him into a black abyss while his most treasured features are crushed in a player piano's roll of Throw Em in the Deep Blue Sea?!"

                      He too was on a roll it seemed. 

                      "THE ONLY THING THAT PREVENTS ME FROM SMOTHERING HIM UNDER A HEAPING PILE OF CINNAMON POWDER WHILE HOWLING HOW DO YOU TAKE IT NOW BEFORE LIGHTING IT ON FIRE?! WHY. WHY WOULD I WANT THAT?"

                      It was then Negaduck ceased smashing a random display head in with his fist and stepped back down from the counter. 

                      "I mean," Smoothing his head feathers along with everything else including his blood pressure. "I thought it would make a nice birthday.. treat."

                      One letter off, maybe. 

                      • Mother Goose
                        Mother Goose

                        Mother Goose was too busy petting Negaduck's massive anaconda to care much about his little hissy-fit over the idea he could have and/or make friends.  "What's your name, Mr Snake~?" she cooed at the reptile, stroking its head. "Hisstopher? You look like a Hisstopher..."

                        The goose wasn't totally oblivious to the destruction, but since there wasn't a chainsaw revving, she put it down to merely typical 'Wing high spirits. Rhetorical questions in ever higher pitches were practically a trademark of the masked mallards after all.

                        "Birthday!" Mother Goose exclaimed. "Oh, you're a genius NegsyWegsy!!! Clicking off Gladdy's luck on his birthday would be the nicest present EVER- then he'd just be normal for a day instead of the world's biggest doom-magnet!"

                        She beamed proudly at the mallard for his clear concern over Gladstone Gander's vitals. 

                        "Oh!" she gasped, covering her mouth. "Please don't tell Gladdy I let his secret out! Can we keep it just between us?" she asked, with big concerned eyes.

                        • Negaduck
                          Negaduck

                          "Wait, you're saying his luck reverses on his birthday?"

                          How very, very interesting. 

                          Pausing in his plotting long enough to catch her concern, resting a hand atop hers. Much reassurance. So silkily sincere.

                          "Oh of course, sweetbeak. I won't say a word."

                          Why talk when he can stab?

                          • Mother Goose
                            Mother Goose

                            "Oh thank you, Negsy~! You're the sweetest mallard in the world," Mother Goose said dreamily, entwining their fingers.

                            Hand-holding achieved. Things were getting steamy now.

                            • Negaduck
                              Negaduck

                              So steamy, in fact, he had to remove his sunglasses to grin at her properly. 

                              Which prompted the dainty salesgirl, who had been left behind while her seniors raided the vaults, to witness this slip of his amazing disguise with an open beak.

                              "You're not a customer!" she shrieked, retrieving the shop's shotgun from next to the till. "Hands in the air!"

                              The walking defintion of 'Well That Escalated Quickly', Neganotcustomer ripped off his companion's boa and launched it at the shopkeep, leaving him margin to grab the goodest of the goods. "Leg it!"

                              Not waiting around to see if Goosey successfully did so or not because hey, not his problem.

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